Have I massively overreacted?

[HoneyGate]

DP and I often commute home together, I’m more than happy to commute alone however today I had my bag, a full size umbrella and a large bouquet of flowers from my team at work. As I have to get a train and a bus, and I’m 7 months pregnant, I text DP asking if we were getting the train together as I could do with a hand, he said yes. An hour later, he texts me to say actually he’s in the pub and won’t be leaving at the same time as me. Obviously this pissed me off but I managed to make the journey home, I text my partner explaining I was annoyed and got the following responses which infuriated me:

‘I didn’t realise the night was going to be like this’ - are you not in control of when you leave then?

‘I’m allowed a life’ - I didn’t say you weren’t, I just asked for help
‘I’ve done nothing wrong’ - hmm I beg to differ
‘I’m standing up for myself’ - this really upset me like I’m some sort of bully

I got myself so worked up and angry and upset that I couldn’t bear to sit at home and wait for him to roll in at midnight so I decided to drive to my parents house who live 45 minutes away. Normally this would be fine, however tomorrow DP and I, along with my parents, siblings and their DPs and DCs are all due to go away for the weekend, but DP now has no way of joining us as we share a car.

One minute I calm down and think I’ve massively overreacted (blaming the pregnancy hormones if so), the next I go over everything again and get angry and upset and stand by my decision.

YABU - you’ve overreacted

YANBU - you haven’t overreacted

Sorry OP, I do think you've overreacted here. But we're all allowed to overreact when pregnant!

I think you were being a bit needy, but having committed to helping, he behaved like a dick. Cutting him out of a weekend seems like an overreaction.

I'm torn. Is it a one off or is it the topper?

I don't think you have overreacted that much. You asked for help, he said he'd be there and pissed off to the pub without letting you know.

YANBU about that

YABU a bit for flouncing instead of having it out

Respectfully, OP, YABU - you're carrying a bag, an umbrella and some flowers on the way home, you're not hiking the Hindu Kush.

Yeah, your OH changing plans was a bit of a dick move, but assuming you are as able-bodied as likely at seven months' pregnant, it's not the end of the world.

How is he going to get to your parents' house tomorrow?

Can he really not get the train or a bus to get to where you are?

I don't think you overreacted. You made it clear you could do with some help, he agreed, and then decided to just change his plans and not think of you at all.

Yes, you massively overreacted.

It’s not as if you had made plans to go home together and you decide to take home lots of stuff as a result of that commitment. You already had all that stuff. You had it whether or not he was there. Yes it would have been helpful, but he went to the pub instead.

You are pregnant though. Blame it hormones. It probably is hormones!

I think you overreacted. I don’t see why being pregnant means you need help carrying a bag, umbrella and some flowers. Having said he would help, though, I think he should have asked you if you minded and went to the pub. Maybe he didn’t ask because he knew you’d say no ?

You've cut your nose off to spite your face here OP. Yes I'd be pissed off at the pub thing but now he can't go away on the trip.

Apologise quick and blame the hormones

I think it’s fair to be annoyed assuming he knew you had all the stuff and wanted some help. However I think driving to your parents and the effect on the weekend was an over reaction but I over reacted several times while pregnant so I’d put it down to that. Really you’re going to need to go back to get him tomorrow morning though

I’m going to say YANBU to be annoyed he didn’t help you as agreed, and at his shitty comments - however YABU to have gone to your parents given what tomorrow’s plans are! So yes overreacted a bit really

The frustrating thing is I’m usually very self sufficient and independent and rarely accept or ask for help, so I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t think I needed it. I’ve been a bit unsteady on my feet recently and didn’t have a spare hand to hold onto the escalator handles.

It is a one off, he’s usually very helpful but I do get a bit irritated when he’s had a drink so I think that has come into play a bit here too.

I guess I’m just going to have to bite the bullet and admit I overreacted and go and collect him tomorrow.

You overreacted to what was a minor inconvenience by flouncing off and if I was him I wouldn’t be making any great effort to join you/your family. Ok it’s slightly annoying but was he really supposed to turn down a social invitation to help an adult and presumably able bodied woman carry an umbrella, a bag and a bunch of flowers?!

He should have apologised instead of being all defensive.

However, you told him how you felt. You essentially decided to punish him by making it extremely difficult for him to a) get to you tomorrow and b) involving your parents in the row.

Have you let him know where you are? Don't leave it until he gets home to an empty house.

I don’t see why being pregnant means you need help carrying a bag, umbrella and some flowers

I thought that - unless the bag was enormous and extra heavy?.

You asked for help and he agreed so he should’ve asked if you minded he went the pub and acknowledged he was changing the plans. Particularly as you’re pregnant and maybe hormonal or just want to feel supported and cared for more!

his response is childish and ott. What is he rebelling against? Do you actually allow him no down time or time to socialise or is he being a dick for a more malicious reason
or Is this your first child together and he’s panicking a bit and trying to cling on to some bachelorhood
is this normal for him or maybe a one off?

you probably are being a bit unreasonable to leave him no way to get to your weekend plans though
but you’re pregnant and he’s being a dick so I reckon you get a pass if it’s a one off for you too

Yes overreacted. Once you calm down you can apologise, its not a massive issue that needs to continue

You might have some grounds to be annoyed if you had been waiting around for him at the station and delayed getting home because of that but it sounds like he let you know in good time.

Youre a grown woman, you can get on a train with some bags and some flowers!!!

How are you going to manage with baby bag, baby and buggy?

In my defence it was a very large bouquet of flowers and a full size umbrella meaning I had no hands free, but I’m happy to accept I’ve overreacted by coming to my parents without him and will have to rectify that.

Thanks for helping me see sense and for letting me blame it on the pregnancy hormones, I’m not normally this crazy…honest 🤪

He says in his texts that he's standing up for himself - do you have form for overreacting to minor inconveniences/changes? He didn't jilt you at the altar to go to the pub after all. Changing plans is annoying, sure, but it didn't warrant your reaction.

I would have joined him at the pub.

I'd be fuming.

How are you going to manage with baby bag, baby and buggy

I was wondering this! OP it gets a lot worse!! You’ll have to get used to having no free hands 😅

Yes massive over reaction particularly the storming off to your parents like yoire a teen, he clearly didn’t realise he wasn’t permitted to change his mind and had to ger the train home and carry your flowers and umbrella.

Being annoyed is fine, running off to your parents is fairly bonkers.

Can you go home to pick him up so you can all go away together?