Have I massively overreacted?

[HoneyGate]

DP and I often commute home together, I’m more than happy to commute alone however today I had my bag, a full size umbrella and a large bouquet of flowers from my team at work. As I have to get a train and a bus, and I’m 7 months pregnant, I text DP asking if we were getting the train together as I could do with a hand, he said yes. An hour later, he texts me to say actually he’s in the pub and won’t be leaving at the same time as me. Obviously this pissed me off but I managed to make the journey home, I text my partner explaining I was annoyed and got the following responses which infuriated me:

‘I didn’t realise the night was going to be like this’ - are you not in control of when you leave then?

‘I’m allowed a life’ - I didn’t say you weren’t, I just asked for help
‘I’ve done nothing wrong’ - hmm I beg to differ
‘I’m standing up for myself’ - this really upset me like I’m some sort of bully

I got myself so worked up and angry and upset that I couldn’t bear to sit at home and wait for him to roll in at midnight so I decided to drive to my parents house who live 45 minutes away. Normally this would be fine, however tomorrow DP and I, along with my parents, siblings and their DPs and DCs are all due to go away for the weekend, but DP now has no way of joining us as we share a car.

One minute I calm down and think I’ve massively overreacted (blaming the pregnancy hormones if so), the next I go over everything again and get angry and upset and stand by my decision.

YABU - you’ve overreacted

YANBU - you haven’t overreacted

Cool Wives Club is out in force then.....

Some pathetic women get quite martyred about a broken leg and clomping around in a moonboot with their leg getting tired and sore, so when they have to carry a few extra things home and their Dh says he will help but decides to go to the pub instead those women should just bloody well suck it up, how dare you expect any help from your husband just because everything is harder than usual at the moment and he said he would? How dare you expect anything?

cool wives indeed.

I think your partner is a self-absorbed twat. If you can't prioritise your pregnant partner, that doesn't bode well at all.

If I wanted to go and see friends I would expect my partner to be able to juggle the kids and all the stuff that comes with them.. it would be both ways for me. Being pregnant wouldn't factor in for me personally as I was able to do the same at 7 months, but people have different pregnancies and may need more help than others.

I don't think everyone has to feel like this though, everyone has different boundaries and that's fine. If the poster felt it was unreasonable then she is entitled to feel that way and her husband should respect it, and if anyone would be happy for their husband to go and spend time with friends then that should be fine too

@deeperthanallroses

Does the OP have a broken leg too did I miss that? Because that's a different story. I personally would find a broken leg harder than a pregnancy to get around so thats a bit of a strange comparison unless I've missed something here 😅

I don't know why people are getting so annoyed that some people would be happy for their partner to go to the pub. It's like everyone should be annoyed and if your not then you get the piss taken out of you.

No she didn’t have a broken leg. Everyone has different pregnancies. I am very unwell for months to start with and by the end in pain moving around. Low blood pressure leading to more dizziness and fainting is common. From the friends who’ve been in moonboots it is much more challenging for me to commute heavily pregnant, they were more encumbered than in active pain. I just stopped going to the office at 7 months last time, I couldn’t do it. It think it’s a reasonable comparison in that moving around is harder in a moonboot as the op says it was for her, and that it is a reasonable situation to ask for help- which everyone seems to understand for a moonboot but when it comes to pregnancy you get piles of women telling you it is so easy and normal and you are a wimp for having expected a bit of help from the father of your baby.

And whatever the circumstances it is pretty shitty as a husband to say you will help and then just not turn up because you felt like going to the pub instead. It’s a completely different scenario from just him going to the pub. It’s him bailing on his partner.

And whatever the circumstances it is pretty shitty as a husband to say you will help and then just not turn up because you felt like going to the pub instead. It’s a completely different scenario from just him going to the pub. It’s him bailing on his partner

I dont understand why people aren't getting this.

DP has a night at the pub whilst wife pregnant = fine
DP has a night at the pub when his pregnant wife has told him she's going to struggle to get home and he has already agreed to help = not fine

It's actually pitiful that some people wouldn't expect this very basic level of consideration in a partner

That's a good way of putting it actually 😳

And it's also completely irrelevant if some other women found it an absolute breeze to carry a 300lb backpack on the Tube whilst juggling with twins and a pushchair and simultaneously knitting a pair of booties. The OP said she struggled. There's lots of things I struggle with that others don't and things I think are easy that others struggle with. People are different. Your partner though should have your back though, not make your life harder. That should be a given