To think its rude to ask if siblings can come to child's party!

[happymumofthree3]

My DD has just had her birthday party, we hired a place but still had a maximum number you could invite. With the class and family we invited the maximum number obviously not everyone replied / showed up.

We had 3 parents text to ask if siblings could come, one of them even asked if they could bring invited child and 2 siblings! Other people dropped hints "sorry X would love to come but unfortunately I don't have anyone to watch her 2 brothers"

The party was 5pm on a Saturday! If my husband isn't able to take DD to a party she doesn't go as we have 2 other children.

AIBU to think its rude!? Also parents eating their child's party food? Whats that all about

Was it in a hall rather soft play area? Maybe they thought an extra sibling could be accommodated in that situation? Different in a soft play area where you pay per person - that’s being cheeky.

Not rude to ask, but it would be rude just to turn up with siblings.

Regarding food, maybe they were hungry, or know that child doesn’t like the food, so ate it so not to offend the host if it were left.

It was normal for people to need to bring siblings when mine were under 7. Because we all excepted that that was real life. Pay somewhere like soft play, bring own food for them at private homes, halls etc. The alternative was a child being dropped off.

Not rude to ask,
no. And not rude for you to refuse.

Rude to bring without asking, yes.

Re food, you provide enough for everyone coming, surely?

Rude.

But eating left over party good is de rigeur.

Food 🙄

Not normal in my experience - it’s just rude! If you accept an invitation for one child, the expectation is that your other children will be looked after by someone else. If you can’t get childcare, you don’t go to the party. Simple!

Soft plays in our area have a system on the website that allows parents to book extra children in and pay for them.
If it’s a hall type party I’m fine with younger siblings joining in everything and older ones just the food. So they don’t win everything or hog the bouncy castle. I frequently have to take my youngest but I don’t let her join in

Why is it rude to ask? I’ve asked before and people have said no. Or sometimes they’ve said ‘if course, we have loads of room’ The alternative is not asking and just turning down every invitation that doesn’t specify siblings.

The child actually shouted at them they had just been given the food and the parent started eating it!

The problem with that is most places now have limits on numbers, so if you’ve invited 25 kids, plus 25 parents bringing them, plus various relatives of the birthday child, you mat]y have reached capacity. If every parent then brought a sibling you’d be well over capacity.

I always said no siblings (but that was maybe because I knew what some of the siblings were like...)

It's polite to offer some food to the parents if they need to stay.

Yes, it is rude, you now have to put on invitation, sorry numbers are limited so can only accommodate those children actually invited.

No it wasn't a hall I wouldn't care in that situation it was a soft play kind of place and the limit was 40 children

That’s your choice. When my kids were little we parents would often join forces so for one party I’d take DD and her friend, for the next DD would go with friends mum.

It is rude.

You are making assumptions that parents have someone else to watch over the siblings. Not everyone has the other parent or grandparents on hand to provide childcare. Nor does everyone work a 9-5 mon-fri.

It's rude to just bring siblings along, but I really don't see an issue in asking the host. If its soft play, siblings can be paid for by their parents as an extra if space is there and its OK with the host. If its not, host just says no.

As for party food, I thought it was the unwritten rule of childrens parties that kids eat first bugger off to play again and parents eat what's left which would otherwise go in the bin?

I was asked, I was put on the spot in front of everyone and I felt I couldn’t say no. But I was really pissed off about it. Learned my lesson though and didn’t have that kind of party again just so I wouldn’t have to deal with CFs.

I think it depends. Whole class party in a hired hall, particularly if other whole class parties have said ‘siblings welcome’ for the same place, fine to ask, particularly if the parents are expected to stay. Also fine to say no, obviously. In my DC’s year both situations have occurred.

Party at a soft play/trampoline park - fine to ask if a sibling can come if the parent pays for the sibling (and stays for the duration).

Other type of party where it is clear that the cost is per person and numbers are limited, and far fewer than the whole class are invited - rather rude to ask, but if the situation is that the invited child can’t go otherwise, fine to ask for some other solution (eg a lift).

How old is your DD?

Where I am kids are dropped at parties from age 5 upwards. The host family usually makes sure they have enough helpers to supervise and the kids tend to know all the others so no shyness.

So yes rude to ask to bring a 3 your old to a party for 7 year olds. Just drop the child off.

At 5pm on a Saturday it's likely the adults were hungry. Not everyone has childcare. In my opinion you either need to make it drop off or accept some siblings. My ex played cricket through the summer competitively so no chance of taking just one dd anywhere - thankfully drop off was the norm from age 5. Only one parent stayed at dd2 s party (dd1 has sn)

I always provide snacks for the parents as well.

Would you rather food went in the bin than the parent eat it? Or were you planning to eat the child’s leftovers.

With siblings just say that they can’t come if you don’t want them or say they can drop the invited child and then leave with their others. Nothing rude if you aren’t wanting to accommodate them. Better they ask than turn up without asking or just decline when you would have happily had them attend.

When we had a softplay party quite a few people turned up with extra children that they paid for to use the softplay which is totally fine as it’s open to the public. We are having a village hall party soon and a couple of people want to bring a sibling. The siblings in question are young enough that they will enjoy the party and I really can’t bring myself to worry about the cost of a slice of cake and a couple of extra sandwiches so I said they are welcome.

You say your daughter can’t go to parties if your husband isn’t available to take her - not all kids have 2 parents at home. Should kids of single parents with siblings never go to parties?

Of course it's not rude. If you have people decline invitations there'll be space for a sibling or two.

I'd much rather someone ask than a child have to miss out because their parents a single parent or a second parent is at work or whatever else.

It's not rude to ask - maybe the party has plenty space, or there has been a last minute drop out, or there's a way for the parent to pay for the additional child.

It's also fine to reply to say there is not enough space for the sibling, if that is the case.

As for the food, as long as all the children had been fed I'd be delighted for the adults to eat up the rest, there's so much waste at the parties I've been to.