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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its rude to ask if siblings can come to child's party!

209 replies

happymumofthree3 · 24/08/2022 07:41

My DD has just had her birthday party, we hired a place but still had a maximum number you could invite. With the class and family we invited the maximum number obviously not everyone replied / showed up.

We had 3 parents text to ask if siblings could come, one of them even asked if they could bring invited child and 2 siblings! Other people dropped hints "sorry X would love to come but unfortunately I don't have anyone to watch her 2 brothers"

The party was 5pm on a Saturday! If my husband isn't able to take DD to a party she doesn't go as we have 2 other children.

AIBU to think its rude!? Also parents eating their child's party food? Whats that all about Confused

OP posts:
justasmalltownmum · 26/08/2022 19:04

Our local soft play only host parties after they close. 5-7pm so you end up booking the whole place and it is huge. Siblings always come.

lioncitygirl · 26/08/2022 19:10

Not rude to ask - worse to just bring extra child along.

WhatALotOfAFussAboutNothing · 26/08/2022 19:13

I am confused by why the parents need to stay? I would expect the parents and non invited siblings to drop the invited child off at the party and collect later?

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 27/08/2022 11:19

When did it become a thing to invite others to an event they are clearly not invited to? This seems to be a common thread with weddings and parties on MN. If the invite is clearly for one child then asking for more to come is just as rude as self-inviting to a wedding given that costs are completely dependant upon attendees, even in a hall you’d have to cater more food for siblings…

If childcare is the issue surely it’s far more appropriate to message that you don’t have childcare for other children, would they be happy if you just dropped of x child to the party or were they hoping you would stay? I agree with a PP, IMHE a lot of parents don’t stay after about 7 years of age.

Equally, catering for parents, WTF? I have never been to a party where parents are catered for. Fine if you want to eat your child’s leftovers as you know that’s likely, otherwise you are an adult, surely you know the time of the party and the likely food arrangements, have this in mind when you time your own food consumption for the day… 🤦🏼‍♀️

NoSun · 27/08/2022 11:25

At my daughters party loads of families brought siblings along, they raided the food and also the party bags, grabbing handfuls of food and sweets.
One of the mum was telling her children to get more food so she wouldn’t have to give them tea when they got home 😂
I think we are going to do a smaller activity based party next time as it was so awkward this year!

GingerAndLemonn · 27/08/2022 11:36

If you expect parents to stay then I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to ask if they have no childcare. I also think you should cater for parents if they have to stay. I always have done

AhNowTed · 27/08/2022 11:39

Yes it's rude. And makes things very awkward.

Banana2079 · 27/08/2022 11:39

They asked you , you are being unreasonable

They are allowed to ask ffs , why are you calling them hints , they told u they can’t come and gave u the real reason and u called them hints

You are rude

Anyway I wouldn’t bother inviting someone if I knew they couldn’t get childcare for the others , so why get annoyed when they tell u that

Seriously, it’s a kids party
Unless u specifiy drop off only parents will hang about if it’s a hall

I would provided them with some sandwiches and bottles of water at least

AyBeeCee · 27/08/2022 12:58

GingerAndLemonn · 27/08/2022 11:36

If you expect parents to stay then I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to ask if they have no childcare. I also think you should cater for parents if they have to stay. I always have done

Yes it's totally different if you're expecting parents to stay. The OP hasn't said how old her DD is,

Round here the norm is parent stays up to age 5, older than that it's drop and go and host family has enough helpers to supervise the children.
But whole class parties are less common here. They do happen but more often tends to be up to 10 good friends

Caroffee · 27/08/2022 13:00

Yes, it's rude. This is just people who are looking for free babysitting.

Ilovemypyjamas2021 · 07/09/2022 10:06

We have just received a WhatsApp invitation to a party in a few weeks for a close friend’s daughter… I am absolutely amazed at the responses coming back asking if siblings can attend too - one has even replied with ‘we have friends staying so is it ok if ‘child 2’ comes too’… I know it’s not a party I’m hosting but its really frustrating for me seeing all these extra invite requests coming in thick & fast - one parent has asked and now they’re all following suit…one has said ‘I’ll bring food for child 2 as it’s turning in to a ‘huge party’ it would be a firm no from me for siblings to come… I’ve had to mute the group as it won’t stop pinging😀. Worse than a class WhatsApp group!!

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/09/2022 10:21

Ilovemypyjamas2021 · 07/09/2022 10:06

We have just received a WhatsApp invitation to a party in a few weeks for a close friend’s daughter… I am absolutely amazed at the responses coming back asking if siblings can attend too - one has even replied with ‘we have friends staying so is it ok if ‘child 2’ comes too’… I know it’s not a party I’m hosting but its really frustrating for me seeing all these extra invite requests coming in thick & fast - one parent has asked and now they’re all following suit…one has said ‘I’ll bring food for child 2 as it’s turning in to a ‘huge party’ it would be a firm no from me for siblings to come… I’ve had to mute the group as it won’t stop pinging😀. Worse than a class WhatsApp group!!

How rude! How is the host parent dealing with it?

munchkinsmom · 07/09/2022 10:39

Most of my dds invitations say siblings welcome so then when I RSVP I say dd and dd2 will be attending but if it's not on the invitation and dh is working that weekend I decline the invitation.

There's plenty of invitations for siblings so I assume if it's not on the invitation they're not invited.

Leftleg · 07/09/2022 10:43

I often have to bring a sibling, however they don't join in with the party or eat the food etc, they just with with me, what is the problem with that?
Most recent was a jump party with a cafe area so we just sat together with a drink /snack until the party was over.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/09/2022 10:47

Leftleg · 07/09/2022 10:43

I often have to bring a sibling, however they don't join in with the party or eat the food etc, they just with with me, what is the problem with that?
Most recent was a jump party with a cafe area so we just sat together with a drink /snack until the party was over.

Why do you have to take siblings?

IMustMakeAmends · 07/09/2022 11:18

Lots of people have to take the siblings, who else would look after them?

If they're not imposing on the party in any way I can't see how it would matter in the slightest?

The last soft play party we went to their were quite a few siblings in the cafe or paid for by their parents. No one batted an eyelid. It didn't affect the party in any way whatsoever Confused

Ilovemypyjamas2021 · 07/09/2022 11:21

@ZeroFuchsGiven she’s so kind that she’s going along with it… I’m completely amazed at the fact that one has asked which seems to have prompted more to jump on the free childcare bandwagon 🤷‍♀️

Leftleg · 07/09/2022 11:28

Because there's no one to look after them and the party is 11 miles away so parents always stay. I suppose we could sit in the car park for two hours.
We sit and have a drink in the cafe (drink paid for by us). Does it matter if the sibling doesn't join in with the party and doesn't eat any of the food?
Even in a village hall party she would just be sitting with me, probably playing a game on my phone, not joining in at all.

NerrSnerr · 07/09/2022 11:37

I don't think it's rude to ask. You just tell them no if it's a problem. It'd be worse if everyone said no because they didn't ask.

My eldest can get very anxious at parties (she feels under pressure to eat food that she doesn't like/ want from overly enthusiastic hosts) so will only stay with hosts she knows well. I may ask if I could bring her brother if my husband was away but be clear that's I'd pay, not expect food or party bag and it's ok to say no.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/09/2022 11:38

Leftleg · 07/09/2022 11:28

Because there's no one to look after them and the party is 11 miles away so parents always stay. I suppose we could sit in the car park for two hours.
We sit and have a drink in the cafe (drink paid for by us). Does it matter if the sibling doesn't join in with the party and doesn't eat any of the food?
Even in a village hall party she would just be sitting with me, probably playing a game on my phone, not joining in at all.

It is the height of bad manners to rock up with a sibling in tow. I am staggered how many parents think this is ok tbh, its bonkers.

Ilovemypyjamas2021 · 07/09/2022 11:38

I think it’s odd with all these extra requests that is that it is a ‘drop & go’ party whereby many of the additional siblings don’t even know the child who’s party it is, so in effect it’s a few hours free childcare. Not sure I’d want to drop off my children at a party where one of them barely knew anyone and disappear for a few hours

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/09/2022 11:39

Ilovemypyjamas2021 · 07/09/2022 11:21

@ZeroFuchsGiven she’s so kind that she’s going along with it… I’m completely amazed at the fact that one has asked which seems to have prompted more to jump on the free childcare bandwagon 🤷‍♀️

Poor Woman, I bet she is close to tears behind closed doors.

Ilovemypyjamas2021 · 07/09/2022 11:41

I think it’s odd with all these extra requests that is that it is a ‘drop & go’ party whereby many of the additional siblings don’t even know the child who’s party it is, so in effect it’s a few hours free childcare. Not sure I’d want to drop off my children at a party where one of them barely knew anyone and disappear for a few hours, which just puts far more pressure on the party child’s parents

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/09/2022 11:42

Ilovemypyjamas2021 · 07/09/2022 11:38

I think it’s odd with all these extra requests that is that it is a ‘drop & go’ party whereby many of the additional siblings don’t even know the child who’s party it is, so in effect it’s a few hours free childcare. Not sure I’d want to drop off my children at a party where one of them barely knew anyone and disappear for a few hours

Not to mention the complete change of dynamic, its so unfair to the birthday child who has chosen who to invite, then to have univited kids who he doesnt know attending. And also the invited child having a younger sibling following them around because the uninvited child doesnt know any of the other kids.

MRex · 07/09/2022 11:46

We've only done one party so far, but we allowed siblings if the parents paid. No point in making life difficult for the parents. Not everyone has a range of childcare options and it's the kids who wind up missing out, not the adults. I'm not sure what we'll do next year as we agreed on a joint party, but we already agreed to have something for siblings.

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