To think its rude to ask if siblings can come to child's party!

[happymumofthree3]

My DD has just had her birthday party, we hired a place but still had a maximum number you could invite. With the class and family we invited the maximum number obviously not everyone replied / showed up.

We had 3 parents text to ask if siblings could come, one of them even asked if they could bring invited child and 2 siblings! Other people dropped hints "sorry X would love to come but unfortunately I don't have anyone to watch her 2 brothers"

The party was 5pm on a Saturday! If my husband isn't able to take DD to a party she doesn't go as we have 2 other children.

AIBU to think its rude!? Also parents eating their child's party food? Whats that all about

When my dcs were under 7 over 30 years ago there was never an expectation for parents to stay unless one of the helpers. When did staying become a thing?

Children of school age manage school alone without said parent but some parents seem incapable of believing they can manage a party and thus hang about/want to socialise at a party which is for their child not for them.

This^
Unless a child has additional needs why does a 6 year old need a parent to stay with them while they attend a party with 15 of their school friends in a hired hall, house, garden or while they do an activity.
The host family usually have 2 or 3 adult helpers in my experience.

I know a couple of families who always show up with unannounced siblings - both parents come too so it’s not like one parent is trying to look after their kids solo. I think it’s quite odd and rude, but I don’t think it’s rude to ask to bring siblings nor is it rude to say no..If childcare is an issue after the age of around 5 I would say it’s fine just to drop off the invited child.

I had someone come to Dd's party last year with a sibling and they hadn't even asked. As it was I had a single drop out so they got some food. This year I've had to be really strict. It's a per head venue and I've only paid for a certain amount of children. I can't afford to pay for children that DD hasn't even met. I have let parents know they are welcome to book siblings in to play alongside if they'd like.

Not everyone makes the same set of assumptions as you, OP. Thats why they need to ask, so you can communicate what you want.

As can be seen from this thread, many people want the children invited to come, if possible, and will make adjustments where they can. You prefer a more rigid structure. Theirs is just a different approach, not better or worse than yours.

Yeah the sibling who came along last year was with both parents as well as the invited child!

Same here. It was never an issue. No one was rude enough to ask.

I still remember a party I attended as a child where another parent had brought a sibling along without asking/telling anyone before. The mum moaned the whole time that there was not enough food for her child, and there was such an outrage when there was no party bag!!!! Even thinking back now I can remember how awkward it was. No one even knew the sibling.

after that I’ve always thought I’d have a “sorry we can’t accommodate siblings” note on the invitation

I'm wondering this too.
Mine are teenagers now so not a million years ago we were at this stage.
We absolutely expected a parent to stay pre-school but once children started school parties were drop and go.

Mine went to parties in church halls, soft play, cinema, peoples houses and gardens perfectly happily on their own from 5 upwards.

I think this also depends on the age of the children and whether you expect parents to stay too. Some single parents literally couldn’t stay at a party without siblings. I used to message something along the lines of “DC1 would love to attend, but I don’t have any childcare for DC2. Is it okay to drop and run, or could I pay for DC2’s entrance?” I really hope my friends didn’t think I was being cheeky.

At my daughters birthday recently one of the parents bought some random kid they had under their charge, not even a sibling, possibly a cousin or something. She was a bit older than all the other kids but very forward in making sure she got prizes in all the party games. All my photos of my daughter on her first ever party have this rando kid front and centre. Even when my daughter is blowing out her candles and all the other kids hung back, she's right in there. And I couldn't even tell you her name.

Mother who brought her said 'I knew you wouldn't mind'

Hmm.

Rude to turn up with siblings without asking, yes. Rude to enquire beforehand whether siblings can attend, no. If none of your children would ever be able to attend a party unless siblings were allowed, wouldn’t you tentatively enquire too?

Why is it rude if they ask?
Sometimes it's a problem with getting siblings looked after while taking invited child to the party.
And do you not accommodate for the adults coming? That's a bit rude if you ask me.

I think it's very very very rude.
Just drop your damm kids off at the party & take siblings elsewhere for an hour or so.

What the hell is wrong with people who can't do that?

Why must you take your other kids or refuse invites ? Genuinely don't understand

Absolutely not rude to ask politely on the off chance it's possible.

Completely bloody unreasonable to bring them along and expect the host to pay their entrance, food and drink.

This happened to me many times when DD was little. One year I'd had enough - despite requesting politely on invites otherwise (venue was a petting zoo with make your own pizza) - so at the end of the party I approached the offending mums x 2 - who were repeat offenders generally on the circuit and had barely said two words to me - and smiled while breezily informing them the cost for their child was £10 and I was happy to accept cash or cheque.

Apparently one of them was in tears after but due to the royal height of her constant piss taking for years I didn't even feel bad.

When you don't have childcare for the other it can make it impossible.
My eldest was invited to a party for a child who knows and plays with both of my children equally. I asked if the youngest could come, and he could, but was given no food. They came round with a big bowl of nuggets and couldnt even spare one. I only wish she'd told me in advance and I could have brought sandwiches.

This is a great compromise. And kudos to your eldest for resisting the primal call to sneak a jump on the bouncy castle

YABU. I’m a single parent, if I can I’ll find someone to look after the other child, but if I can’t then I’ll ask politely. If it’s a hall or somewhere like that, then I’ll explain and say the other child won’t eat food/take a party bag etc. if it’s soft play, I’ll say I’ll pay for their entry. I’ll always keep extra child out the way, but if I don’t ask, then the child misses out. Most parents are understanding and don’t mind

i did have several parents turn up to DS’s party with siblings without asking. That is very rude I think!

You are making assumptions that parents have someone else to watch over the siblings.

No assumption being made. The OP said if she were in that position, her child would not go to the party.

Sorry I think you are being unreasonable. I don't see the problem in asking. You can always say no.
My DD is always happy to let siblings come to her children's parties if it means the invited can't come otherwise. But if she couldn't host them because of restricted numbers she would just say. Sorry there is no space. Why can't you just do that?

Oh and my Offending Parents were the types to seem to fast for 12 hours before then proceed to stuff their faces and eat more of the provided buffet than several actual attendees put together

Not rude to ask. I have to ask otherwise they would never have gone to a single party. If it something like soft play I book them in and we sit separately and they don't join in the party group.

If its a hall I offer to bring food for said sibling and host wil either say yes/no or yes please bring food or just no and all is fine.

I always accommodate siblings as I understand not having child care so we often do hall type parties.

We've obviously had different types of parties to most here. Almost always had a small ish group of actual friends not the whole class. Usually less than 10. Mostly when very small I would know the parents somewhat and often would invite siblings too as my kids would know them. Past the age of about 5 or 6 no expectation for parents to stay so no childcare issues. Friends of mine might stay and bring siblings if they are of an age where my kids know them too.

At my son's very small 12th party recently, a parent text to ask if the 6 year old sibling could pop in to say happy birthday too. (Said, it's fine if not). We know the family well and he ended up staying for the whole party. But if it hadn't been okay it would have been fine for me to say no.

I'd say in general a) it's okay to ask politely if you won't be offended if the answer is no and b) it's okay to say no if you can't accommodate siblings.

Yes, especially happy to do when it's a parent who has asked and doesn't assume their other kids are invited.

To all the people talking about childcare for siblings.

Why don't you drop off? (Not babies obvs, but school age?

Why do you need childcare?