To think its rude to ask if siblings can come to child's party!

[happymumofthree3]

My DD has just had her birthday party, we hired a place but still had a maximum number you could invite. With the class and family we invited the maximum number obviously not everyone replied / showed up.

We had 3 parents text to ask if siblings could come, one of them even asked if they could bring invited child and 2 siblings! Other people dropped hints "sorry X would love to come but unfortunately I don't have anyone to watch her 2 brothers"

The party was 5pm on a Saturday! If my husband isn't able to take DD to a party she doesn't go as we have 2 other children.

AIBU to think its rude!? Also parents eating their child's party food? Whats that all about

It's very rude to ask and puts people in an uncomfortable situation as they feel obliged to sat yes then have to fork out on extra costs like party bags, cost of the actual place and food. Was always the same 2 mums when mine was younger who took the absolute biscuit at every party bringing 2 extra kids along.

Why didn’t you say no? I’ve only ever texted to ask ‘Are siblings able to come, no worries if not’. Sometimes people say no. It’s not a problem. Mumsnet is crazy sometimes with people finding things rude.

I’ve had to ask before as my 5 year old has ASD and can’t be left at a party without me and I sometimes don’t have childcare for my 3 year old.

I’ve always offered to pay for the 3 year old and not at all been offended if they can’t accommodate them.

I think it’s fine to ask politely if you are genuinely stuck, as long as you are ok with the answer being no.

Surely it depends on the party and how people ask? My H used to work weekends when DC1 was small. So mostly I'd either need to drop off, or sit quietly somewhere entertaining DC2. I'd always explain that we absolutely did not expect DC2 to join in the party activities or food.

Being able to drop off was always my first preference.

Yes this is fine but we wrote on the invites we had hired the place so the whole class could come so they knew they couldn't pay to get there child in.

Mine also has asd so I wouldn't be able to takes siblings on my own anyway

In fact, one time I asked if siblings could come and the person said no. Then a few weeks later they texted me to say that some kids couldn’t come any more and would the sibling like to take the place! It was so thoughtful of them and I didn’t expect it at all.

It's not rude to ask, although agree how people ask can be rude, but you can say no. Or make this clearer on the invite.

Eating your child's food is a bit weird, but maybe there was something else going on.

Fine to ask, I’ve asked before & offered to pay/advised they don’t need to cater for sibling. If it’s a hall party, I sometimes do. If it’s soft play, I don’t. Parties are a good opportunity for myself or DH to get 121 time with the other child.
I have no issue if another parent said no, I would then ask grandparents to watch my other children or ask another school mum to take invited child. Mine love parties so always do my best for them to attend!
Re food, I do eat it sometimes when they’re not eating it & I’m hungry 🤣

@Troublesometooth same. My dd has a number of issues and will not be left at parties. I've spent a number of parties with her in the toilets for the whole time with her refusing to leave but finding it a sensory overload. Asking is not rude, I actually tell the host that my ds won't require a party bag or cake and I make a deal with him that he can choose a small thing in the shop afterwards. He is only 17 months younger and what's nice is that the siblings all know eachother now due to meeting at parties.
I'd find it very hard to get worked up about people just asking. You must not have much else going on.

Since as it was a soft play, yes that's rude as everyone knows that you pay per child and most parents will have a budget to stick to. If it was a hall with a buffet I wouldn't have an issue with extra children coming

Other people dropped hints "sorry X would love to come but unfortunately I don't have anyone to watch her 2 brothers"

this isn’t rude. I’d be disappointed if someone didn’t let me Know the circumstances as I wouldn’t want their kids and mine to miss out (presuming it’s not a fixed numbers party). Should children of single parents never attend a birthday party? Or because you personally can’t take siblings and have an extra adult so the issue doesn’t affect you it’s ok?
people usually provide something for adults if they are expected to stay, or expect them to eat the left overs. Is it better for the food to go in the bin?

This year my 5 year old is having an activity type party that is limited to 16 children. We therefore won’t be able to have siblings. I will put this on the invite and fully expect some won’t be able to make it; I will also offer the option of dropping their child off and collecting later.

I feel bad, but it’s the party my child really wants and if we include siblings he would only be able to have a few of his actual friends there.

obviously not everyone replied / showed up.

i can’t understand why you accept this, in my opinion if I was going to get upset about something it would be those who didn’t turn up!

For the ages where parents stay, itw inevitable to come up sometimes. Single parents, shift patterns, clingy children, whatever.

For my 5yo's party we specifically organised sone activities for the smaller siblings, so they felt part of it. There was enough food for everyone. It wouldn't have seemed polite to expect the adults to go hungry.

The hints comment annoyed me tbh. I have three dc. And I am virtually always on my own with them as dh works 6 days including weekends and long hrs. So this is genuinely the case for me, we have no family nearby to help out. I 90% of the time have to turn down invites for the youngest because I have no one to watch the other two. I am always honest and say this is the reason. Its not a hint.

Bringing a sibling is different to expecting the sibling to participate. I often have to bring my DS to DD's parties but I bring a sticker book or something to keep him occupied in a corner or we have a walk outside.

Sod off is it rude to say 'sorry I can't find childcare for my others'
It's an honest reply and polite. And many will then say it's fine for them to attend anyway which is lovely but unexpected.
I'm a single mum to three, very little help and it's a stress every time to sort it out.
My son is having his party soon, I've told him the invitations will be clear. Siblings welcome to attend if needed but may not have party bags

So because your husband plays cricket, someone else had to accommodate your uninvited child? Talk about entitled!

It's not rude to ask.

We once had a limited numbers venue so put 'unfortunately we're unable to accommodate siblings' but all other parties it's been no problem if siblings turn up. I don't mind as long as I'm asked in advance.

Extra siblings wouldn't get a party bag, nor would I feed them unless there are leftovers (there always are)

We have a large catchment, parties are often 45 mins away by car, so dropping and coming back isn't possible. Several parents are usually at the parties and it's natural that some siblings come along too for these reasons. No everyone has two parents at home. I'd hate a parent and sibling to be sitting in their car waiting feeling unwelcome.

Obviously this refers to a hall/ disco etc

For the VERY few children who actually need a parent to stay for the aforementioned reasons I think it should be accommodated if possible otherwise child cannot come. In this instance I would find a way with the venue to allow it. Most venues will not want to make reasonable adjustments for children with disabilities. Most parents though just want to stay and won’t just drop and run which baffles me. Children of school age manage school alone without said parent but some parents seem incapable of believing they can manage a party and thus hang about/want to socialise at a party which is for their child not for them. It always irritated me. Even if you have a very shy child they are far more likely to get on with it without you hanging about (we run holiday activities and see it all the time). Before I get jumped upon I obviously do not mean children with an actual condition which means parent needs to stay.

I don’t understand this whole thing about expecting siblings to join in. I was a single mum with no family where I lived and always had to take both of my children to parties as I had no childcare. However the uninvited child never joined in.
Village hall type parties we would sit in a corner somewhere with a book/ toy, or my little one would stay in her pushchair, if it was a soft play party I would pay for sibling to play but would not take them into the party room where the food was and would take them for something to eat in the cafe. As they got older and the expectation was to drop and go at parties it became even less of an issue. A handful of invites were for both of them, but with a 5 year age gap these were not usual, mainly very close friends.

Of course it's not rude to ask and of course you are free to say No if you wish.

To those who say it's rude because they can't say no to someone, well that's on you not them.

It's incredibly rude.

Just say no

No it's not rude.

I've often welcomed siblings if numbers aren't an issue. It's lovely for them to be included.