To think its rude to ask if siblings can come to child's party!

[happymumofthree3]

My DD has just had her birthday party, we hired a place but still had a maximum number you could invite. With the class and family we invited the maximum number obviously not everyone replied / showed up.

We had 3 parents text to ask if siblings could come, one of them even asked if they could bring invited child and 2 siblings! Other people dropped hints "sorry X would love to come but unfortunately I don't have anyone to watch her 2 brothers"

The party was 5pm on a Saturday! If my husband isn't able to take DD to a party she doesn't go as we have 2 other children.

AIBU to think its rude!? Also parents eating their child's party food? Whats that all about

The party is over and done with. Why does it matter if people asked if a sibling could come and perhaps the parents ate the food so it wouldn’t be wasted. But maybe they were even hungry and just pinched a bit. Did you not have anything out parents could have nibbled on?

It’s certainly not rude to ask, I never had anyone to help with childcare when mine were little, I always had to ask but I always also said I’d be pay for and bring a packed lunch for the sibling, it was never an issue and I also ensured sibling didn’t disrupt the party and kept them entertained separately.
I’ve had people ask me as well and I’ve never had an issue with it.

Surely this is a modern thing. When I was a child siblings never came and weren't expected too. And parents also never stayed at parties unless they were helping. Or is this sill the case in the real world. And Mumsnet is a parallel universe.

It's not rude to ask. I have always been happy with siblings as hiring a hall, so plenty of space. I also cater for adults. Realistically, a lot of children won't be able to attend if you refuse siblings.

I think Mumsnet is some sort of strange parallel universe sometimes. Asking is not rude. You can refuse.

I think so but I feel as though I'm in a minority on here. I was asked once and I was really shocked (there was a limit of 12 children at a specific activity).
But none of us parents stayed at parties after reception age unless specifically asked to do so so siblings were never an issue.

Ugh.
If someone asks you just say 'sorry I'm limited to X amount of kids' if they can't come then they can't come! Or if a big place 'you'll have to book the kids in yourself if you want to bring them'. I wouldn't expect to have to feed these extra kids too. Parents surely get this?
Do parents always stay these days? Once over, say 7, it was drop and run! If there was a parent to child ratio required you just asked a couple (beforehand) if they could stay. And don't people help each other out? If I was working or didn't have anyone to look after a sibling, I'd ask another parent to take the invited child and I'd collect or do it next time.
But I don't think it's rude, just a bit cheeky, though it is rude to ask in front of others.

I think it's rude which is why I have never asked
to bring my other 2 children to other kids parties. I expect the same I return. Happy for
siblings to come though if the parents pay for them.

I did this once but it was purely because my DD’s are a year apart and sometimes have the same friends as a result. This particular girl was friends with both of them and had told them they could both attend her party, however the invite only mentioned DD2. I just text to say it’s obviously not a problem if not but DD1 has been told she can attend too so is this the case? She was fine with it so they both went, happy days.

Guys. It's kids parties. They're meant to bring joy, not stress, resentment and school gate feuds that last through the generations

I had this last year, it's actually become a bit of a running joke amongst my friends 😂 So, it was still a bit dodgy COVID rules wise and not many halls were having parties etc so I said we would have 6 of her classmates (Year 1) over to ours for games and dancing etc. I wrote on the invite that we'd keep it small to be safe but make sure we made up for it in fun etc. Anyway, before I knew it, every single parent had replied to say yes lovely but also mentioned that they would be coming with their partner and other children?! 😂 We worked it out and it amounted to 41 people were expecting to come for a party of 7 children in my tiny house. I just replied and said it's ok I'll let you all have the afternoon off and asked two of the mums to stay and help in the end. I couldn't get my head around it, so YANBU 🤣

ooh, this subject again, the last thread was fun seeing who all these CF parents are that a) Ask host if siblings can attend b) just rock up with siblings/husband/granny/next doors dog and c) pay for siblings to attend ruining the dynamic for the party child and their invitees.

Cheese platters for the parents is always appreciated.
The cupcake phenomenon started because someone noticed the parents always dived in for the fairy cakes at Childrens parties.
Either mention no siblings on the invitations or welcome them to join the party just Make it clear regarding siblings.
Life is not straightforward for young families.

Surely it's more rude for them to turn up and pay for their kids than it is to ask if that's ok first

@beachcitygirl both my children have ASD so it was not possible to leave one at a party without me until they were around 7/8 years old, they are older now but I may still need to attend with them for some parties depending on where it is etc.

Not rude to ask. What's the harm in asking? It would be rude to bring them without asking though.

If parents are coming I'd make sure there is enough food for them too.

I think its rude to not have enough food for parents.

What a load of shite. Its a childs party FOR THE CHILDREN!

I also think times have changed. We're more sensitive to our kids needs now. More people have allergies and don't feel comfortable leaving their kids in a room where they could have a reaction and when there simply isn't the parent to kid ratio to watch that they're not eating something which could cause a reaction.
Also most party's when I was young were community halls or someone's house, now there's Forrest school, swimming, cinema, bowling partys where there are less clear perimeters. A few months ago I went to a Forrest school party with a bit of a dippy leader and two kids went missing for 45 minutes. This was because everyone dropped 15 seven year olds in a wood and expected the two parents and the leader to just crack on, in a public wood where there was no boundaries. I stayed for my daughter and ended up spending the whole time running down to the (quite deep) creek and back rounding them all up! I believe in taking risks but that is just insanity. No one even noticed that the two girls were missing. I had to tell their parents who were mortified and a bit pissed off but surely they could see when they dropped that even the best parent in the world could not keep control of all those kids in that environment.

YANBU at all!

I had plenty of parties for my kids both of the free for all in a hall and pay per head variety.

Only once was it asked if a sibling could join in, and that was to make life easier for me because the invited child had additional needs, and coped better if his brother was with him.

To ask us fine. To turn up with extras is rude.
at my DS birthday we booked for 15 and 22 Children arrived. !!! Siblings of invited and one who was having a sleep over with invited guests. It did cause issues with drinks and food and was a pain.

You’re one of THEM aren’t you🙄

I wouldn’t mind if someone asked, I’d really mind if someone just turned up with extra kids. Having said that I wouldn’t ask myself.

I think for the party you described I would say yes if there was enough capacity. Food if it's a buffet can't see the issues but if it's a portioned meal then ask them to provide food.

I think it’s more likely that the poster has her own standards when it comes to hosting.

The only time I would think it’s rude is if parents were just dropping off. I’d be a lot more under about childcare issues if parents had to stay.