To think its rude to ask if siblings can come to child's party!

[happymumofthree3]

My DD has just had her birthday party, we hired a place but still had a maximum number you could invite. With the class and family we invited the maximum number obviously not everyone replied / showed up.

We had 3 parents text to ask if siblings could come, one of them even asked if they could bring invited child and 2 siblings! Other people dropped hints "sorry X would love to come but unfortunately I don't have anyone to watch her 2 brothers"

The party was 5pm on a Saturday! If my husband isn't able to take DD to a party she doesn't go as we have 2 other children.

AIBU to think its rude!? Also parents eating their child's party food? Whats that all about

We hired a soft play exclusively and I wouldn't have liked it if everyone brought siblings, as it would have reduced the personal element we'd paid the extra to have. But I think it's fine to politely ask in advance, as long as they offer to cover any costs per head. A couple just turned up at ours with siblings which I think is rude.

I didn't provide food/drink for parents. Made it clear they could drop and run, figured if they chose to stay there was an on-site cafe available. Not bothered about adults picking at their own kids' food, esp at parties they have to stay at!

@JudgeRindersMinder @ZeroFuchsGiven maybe I'm wrong then, at least now I know! I don't think I'm "one of those" just not that experienced with children's parties. I havent thought about it that deeply but I would have thought if I was having a party and expecting parents to stay they'd need food too.

And actually given mine WAS a drop and run the siblings/childcare thing shouldn't really have factored at all. I think it's ok to ask in advance to bring siblings if parents are expected to stay.

People should ask the host if they mind their invited child being dropped off and collected at the end of the party if they have a problem with childcare for the other siblings. Or they could ask if the venue is one that allows paying public to attend so that they can take the non party children in separately.

I agree that if they’re asking directly for their children to be able to join the party when they haven’t been invited, it’s rude. These parents have other options they can use before expecting extra invitations to a party.

Or they could ask other children that they really wanted to come but didn't have room for
I think it's bloody rude
Either decline or accept

Parties are such a minefield! My daughter is 5, has a chronic bowel condition and gets very anxious about the toilet, so likes me to stay at parties (she's fine at school as obviously teachers are aware and she's comfortable with them etc). I also wouldn't expect the birthday child's parents to have to help her if she has an accident! I have three other children and would usually be able to sort it out between my mum or my friends to have the others. If I couldn't, I would just be honest, as I would rather that than the parent think we just don't want to come. I don't think asking is rude really, nor do I think being truthful about the reason for not being able to come is rude.

As for the food, if they are little children I've found that they are more interested in playing than eating at parties. My little girls appetite is tiny at the best of times. If I was holding the party I would rather parents eat it than it going in the bin!

I'm not sure, if other parents are like me and really anxious about getting it wrong/looking rude in front of other parents this kind of attitude probably won't help. If anything spoiled your child's day then maybe say something to the parents concerned, otherwise I would probably let it go.

It’s not rude to ask, equally it’s not rude to politely decline.

Rude would be to turn up without asking with siblings in tow.

I’ve seen my fair share of ‘uninvited sibling’ threads on here and the almost unanimous response is always ‘they should have at least asked before hand’ so no I don’t think most would consider asking rude. It’s pretty common place for young kids to have siblings and mums to struggle for childcare for that sibling. I know in our circles a ban on siblings is a sure fire way to ensure only 5/30 actually come to the party which usually results in a very disappointed birthday child and a huffy grumpy mother! My hubby works some weekends so if he’s working we aren’t coming unless both kids come.

@monsterflake yes I'm like you and super anxious about getting it wrong. I haven't been to many children's parties but now anxious that I've got it wrong and annoyed the hosts by eating the food. I only have one child so never taken siblings and probably wouldn't! It does seem a bit cheeky to ask.

My ds7 still won't be left at parties - he has major separation anxiety (and yes it does cause issues at school drop off). I'm a single parent so if I can't bring ds4 then ds7 can't go. So I often ask if I can bring him. I never expect it, if there isn't enough space then fair enough. It's not rude to ask. Not everyone has lots of people to watch their children. No one has ever had a problem with this, ds7 is just about to go into y3 so I know a lot of the parents now and they know my circumstances. A lot of the time they will try to accommodate ds4 because the alternative is that ds7 doesn't go to the party, and the birthday child really wants him there.

We had a village hall party for ds4 a few months ago and most of the children brought their older siblings!

@Thatsnotmypig It's fine, I really wouldn't worry about it. Posters on this thread have Very Strong Views, most parents do not

Source: I've been to roughly a million birthday parties (and have the perforated ear drums to show for it)

Could you have not suggested they could drop and go, rather than stay with their child?

I'd have preempted and put on the invitation that there was no space for siblings.

Eating party food? Was it after the children had eaten? If so, I'd have no issue with that tbh.

Mind, we used to do food boxes and ask children to rsvp with one of 2/3 options for sandwiches. This also meant you were more likely to get an rsvp, and less likely to get sibling requests too.

It's fine to ask politely. It's also fine to refuse. If a parent can't come due to childcare, maybe make it clear that they can drop off and you're happy to supervise their child? I wouldn't want to supervise 25 five year olds on my own, but would be fine with supervising one or two extra on top of my own if the parents asked in advance.

Just don't bring an 8 year old to a 4 year old's party and let them batter all the younger children, including babies just toddling, with the soft play pieces😡(recent experience!).

Parents know what their kids will eat and most aren't greedy enough to eat food that their kids will enjoy, so I'd assume that parents were picking at the party food so it didn't go to waste and would be fine with this. My DC isn't fond of cake but will eat the icing, so I tend to eat most of their cake if I'm hungry rather than letting it go in the bin.

There’s no way I’d leave my four year old at a huge party in a hall with 30 other kids and only a few adults around. People are saying about drop and run but I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that. Especially when the door opens straight onto a main road or it’s somewhere that is also open to the public. Lots of the soft play parties I’ve been to are only 45 mins long so I may as well wait rather than sitting in a car park.

If people aren’t assertive enough to be able to say no to a question, then they need to work out why they don’t feel able to say no to people. I find it really odd that people would find someone asking a question rude. Just say no if it’s not ok or there isn’t space. Turning up without asking would be rude. Or getting shirty if the answer is no would be rude. Expecting a party bag would be rude.

It doesn’t occur to you that not everyone has help and support? I was a single parent when my children were young and they didn’t go to parties unless we all went. The soft play parties were easy cos I could just pay for my other children to be there but other parties were more complex and yes, sometimes I had to admit defeat and my kids missed out but there is no harm in asking, is there?

Yes, it is very rude. Never happened in my day. But somehow these days people expect everyone else to sort out their problems.

I think it's fine to ask, as long as you pay yourself for the sibling and don't expect them to get food or a party bag etc. Everyone's an adult and can say no if it's a problem.

Ah. Understandable if asd (my daughter is autistic - although she does attend mainstream school - & obviously I don't stay in class with her)
But everyone on this thread does not have kids with asn or asd.

Its rude ,actually very rude. The party is for the child on the invitation .
I don't understand why it happens now.
People seemed to be able to manage parties without bringing siblings 20 years ago. It was never an issue. I can't work out what has changed.

It's not rude to ask, you can refuse. My husband works lots of weekends and I don't have anyone to watch the other sibling, I have had to take both my dc to parties and have always asked before hand.

"It was normal for people to need to bring siblings when mine were under 7. Because we all excepted that that was real life"

Uh no. Its not normal. It is cheeky. And rude. If you can't accommodate for your other kids then you shouldnt let your invited kid go to the party. Don't make your kids someone else's problem.

It's not rude to ask, you can always say no! If it's not going over maximum numbers I tend to say yes (or sidestep the issue by booking somewhere open to the public) as some people genuinely have no choice.
People just turning up with siblings is very annoying though.

It's incredibly rude to ask. The siblings were not invited. The child wants their friends. Not their siblings.

This is not a rude question. You are very unreasonable.

It's incredibly rude to ask. The siblings were not invited. The child wants their friends. Not their siblings.

And if the only option is that their friend attends with their sibling or not at all, why would you not try and reach a compromise!

I agree. Not if it's drop and run, but if I expected parents to stay then of course I would also provide drinks and food. Or are they just expected to sit there for several hours without even a crisp and glass of water?