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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don’t want to move in with MIL!

260 replies

ChangeNane1 · 23/08/2022 21:59

hi all I need so ideas on what to do -

situation is we’ve sold our home and are exchanging in 10 days. We will have 3 weeks exactly from date of exchange to moving into our new home.

I stupidly left it to husband to deal with and he kept assuring me it’s all being dealt with but now I find out he hasn’t found anything! His plan is to move with his mum as he doesn’t want to “waste” the money. I do not get along with her and 3 weeks feels like hell.

what are my options? He is saying 3 weeks but could well be longer as date has only been discussed and nothing signed. DH keeps reminding me that it’s his money and as I’m a SAHM at present it’s his decision.

I looked at air bnb but it’s ridiculous prices. Estate agents require minimum 6 months.

please give me some ideas!

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 23/08/2022 22:02

Does he usually talk about money like that?

UniquelyBoring · 23/08/2022 22:05

Can you go on a solo holiday for the middle week to break it up? Or get to a friend's for a few nights again just to break it up to make it feel more manageable.

Original poster
ChangeNane1 · 23/08/2022 22:05

The kids are in school and nursery so I have to be around to take them.

OP posts:
35965a · 23/08/2022 22:06

I’d be reassessing the relationship for the “it’s my money” comment.

Joopy · 23/08/2022 22:06

Its only 3 weeks. Could you think of it as a holiday? Stay with your family for a week? It does seem a waste of money to pay for an Airbnb if you can stay with relatives for free.

Twizbe · 23/08/2022 22:06

I feel for you. Living with my in laws for 6 months during our house renovation near did me.

Also get his point though. It's a lot of money for just 3 weeks.

Do you have kids in school? Can you decamp for some time to your family / pay a visit to some friends or go on holiday.

3 weeks will actually go quite fast, but I think you need to have an agreed upper limit in case things do drag.

abovedecknotbelow · 23/08/2022 22:06

Please tell me you are in the mortgage / deeds for the new place?

For 3 weeks I'd suck it up tbh.

yonce · 23/08/2022 22:07

What are your options? Honestly, without the cash to book a hotel / air bnb / short term rental, not much. If it's too expensive to stay somewhere else it looks like it's the only option. For 3 weeks I'd suck it up and be very very excited for my new house!

Hoolahulahoop · 23/08/2022 22:07

Three weeks is too much as you will be there in the day too.
After this time I would look into getting a job as dh shouldn't be in this much control .

Dotcheck · 23/08/2022 22:08

DH keeps reminding me that it’s his money and as I’m a SAHM at present it’s his decision

Are you on the deeds?

Blossomtoes · 23/08/2022 22:08

Three weeks is tolerable, surely?

GinIronic · 23/08/2022 22:10

Blossomtoes · 23/08/2022 22:08

Three weeks is tolerable, surely?

😬

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 23/08/2022 22:10

MIL is the least of your worries, it's the financial abuse you should be posting about. As others I really hope you are equal owners on the paperwork for this new house, you'll be needing that share by and by.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 23/08/2022 22:11

YNBU for not wanting to stay with the in laws.

YABU for tolerating comments like he's made about money.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/08/2022 22:12

DH keeps reminding me that it’s his money and as I’m a SAHM at present it’s his decision.

You have far, far bigger problems than staying with your MIL for three weeks.

I despair.

GinIronic · 23/08/2022 22:14

I bet he hasn’t bought a house at all and he is putting you in the frame to be MIL’s carer as well as his housekeeper.

LocalHobo · 23/08/2022 22:15

As a SAHM the money is certainly not 'his'! How has he reached this conclusion?
That would be my priority.
It is kind of MIL to accept a family of four in her midst. I'm sure you can be out arranging all the bits needed for the new house whilst the DC are at school/nursery. Make sure (D)H is always home early in the evenings, make breakfast a quick one and visit your family at weekends.
A big thank you at the end of the three week (plus!) period might go a big way to improve ongoing relationship with MIL.

redskyatnight · 23/08/2022 22:17

Can you actually afford to do anything other than move in with MiL? Presumably the options for somewhere to put you (and all your stuff) for 3 weeks that might extend are actually really limited. And all of you in a cheap hotel room can hardly appeal?

Original poster
ChangeNane1 · 23/08/2022 22:21

issue is MIL is very controlling. She’s not being nice in “letting” us stay there. She never wanted us to move out in first place as according to her culture the son stays with parents and the wife is a servant to MIL, obeying every command and spending all day cleaning n cooking. I wouldn’t be allowed to leave the house if I stayed with them. It’s taken me years to get out from under her control and I don’t want to get back there again. We were “allowed” to move out in the beginning as I was ready to get divorced. This was pre-kids and now she knows I’m stuck so if I get back there it will be hell

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 23/08/2022 22:23

OK, so that's a bit different. Is there no family or friends you can move in with? Even if it means that you have to split the family up temporarily?

GinIronic · 23/08/2022 22:24

Sadly I think I am right.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 23/08/2022 22:24

He will very quickly discover its not his money if you divorce him.

Original poster
ChangeNane1 · 23/08/2022 22:26

@GinIronic that’s exactly what my own mum said!

I don’t have family here unfortunately and I can’t ask others to expect others to let us stay.

OP posts:
Dinodigger · 23/08/2022 22:42

Ltb

ValerieDoonican · 23/08/2022 22:46

Sounds like you need to go through with that divorce this time 🙁