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AIBU?

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Original poster

Don’t want to move in with MIL!

260 replies

ChangeNane1 · 23/08/2022 21:59

hi all I need so ideas on what to do -

situation is we’ve sold our home and are exchanging in 10 days. We will have 3 weeks exactly from date of exchange to moving into our new home.

I stupidly left it to husband to deal with and he kept assuring me it’s all being dealt with but now I find out he hasn’t found anything! His plan is to move with his mum as he doesn’t want to “waste” the money. I do not get along with her and 3 weeks feels like hell.

what are my options? He is saying 3 weeks but could well be longer as date has only been discussed and nothing signed. DH keeps reminding me that it’s his money and as I’m a SAHM at present it’s his decision.

I looked at air bnb but it’s ridiculous prices. Estate agents require minimum 6 months.

please give me some ideas!

OP posts:
Bordesleyhills · 24/08/2022 08:17

House sit for someone away - camper van, air b&b , premier inn? Hardly idea but better than mil

thelittleapple · 24/08/2022 08:18

This has nothing to do with your MIL. You’re married to an abusive and controlling man. This isn’t how you want to live, is it?

GoneAwolAgain · 24/08/2022 08:18

Are you 100% sure you have actually bought another house? Have you been involved in any of the paperwork? Just please do make sure this isn't some kind of plan to get you back living with the in-laws permanently!

BlueReindeer · 24/08/2022 08:25

Blossomtoes · 23/08/2022 22:08

Three weeks is tolerable, surely?

Some people have super toxic I laws like me and 1 hour is the maximum. 3 weeks, I just couldn’t. I’d have to sofa surf and leave my husband before then

Novum · 24/08/2022 08:29

I don't understand why you say you have to move out on exchange of contracts. Surely you stay where you are and then move into the new house on completion?

leafpickerupper · 24/08/2022 08:37

We stayed in a hotel but that was over a decade ago, these days you could easily move into an airbnb or two of them. All our belongings went into storage and 4 of us lived in one room for 3 weeks. I had a school aged child and a preschooler. It wasn't perfect but it worked to get our dream house. The pain in the arse bit was laundry but luckily I had some lovely friends who let me use their washing machines and tumble dryer and fed us some meals. That is why an airbnb would be so much better or a holiday let depending on where you live.

Definitely start looking at airbnbs now to see availability. I was also a sahm and I think you will find that even though your husband says it is his money, if you were to divorce 50/50 is a starting point for the marital home, savings, investments and his pension. So he can fuck right off with that attitude. He is using it to control you. Do not move in with your MIL.

ilovebeigefood · 24/08/2022 08:39

Leftbutcameback · 24/08/2022 08:15

I'm confused - why do you need to move out at exchange? Do you mean instead that you have a gap of three weeks between completion on your house sale and completion on your purchase and therefore moving into your new property and if so that's quite unusual.

Me too I agree with this.

I don't think there is a house tbh.. 'D'H will have something crop up.

KatherineJaneway · 24/08/2022 08:39

GinIronic · 23/08/2022 22:14

I bet he hasn’t bought a house at all and he is putting you in the frame to be MIL’s carer as well as his housekeeper.

This was my first thought too

Rwealere · 24/08/2022 08:52

Is the house you have sold in both your names? I’d seriously state that I’m not going ahead with signing any more papers unless alternative accommodation is agreed and his attitude concerning the family money is seriously updated! I agree with ginironic so you have nothing to lose with seriously talk now not later on.

rainbowstardrops · 24/08/2022 08:55

It boils my piss when people say it's their money because the partner is a stay at home parent! How on earth do they think they're able to do that???!!! GRRRR!
I would absolutely NOT move in with her but you really do have a 'D'H problem here.
I'd carry out those divorce proceedings this time if I were you.

Ivyr0se · 24/08/2022 08:59

Don't leave your current house. How sure are you that there is a new house? Surely he is now obeying his mother's wish and moving back in and once you are there it will be impossible to leave with the kids.

Don't do it. Stay in your current house and register for housing. Your relationship is over.

Staying with him is not in your kids best interest so don' tell yourself that lie if you choose to stay with him.

babyjellyfish · 24/08/2022 09:11

Wait. What?

Go back to the beginning.

Your current house. Are you on the deeds or is it just your husband?

The new house. Have you seen it? Seen any paperwork? Will you be on the deeds?

This is all so, so odd.

If it was literally just a three week gap between having to move out of your current house and into your new one, I would suck it up, however much you can't stand your mother in law.

But it sounds like there's a massive question mark over whether there is even a new house to move into at all. What is the three weeks all about? If he thinks there's a three week delay then that means there is a new house and the timelines don't quite match up. If there isn't a new house and he's bullshitting you then no, you won't be moving out of your MIL's house in three weeks, or probably ever.

Were you legally married in the UK?

katishot · 24/08/2022 09:26

Is this a trap to get you moved in with MIL and then the house sale "falls through"?
Because it sounds very odd to me.
You can agree with the buyers when you move and normally everyone in the chain moves on the same day.
Something is off here.

Madcats · 24/08/2022 09:30

As others have said upthread, the date of exchange is irrelevant here. It is the date that you all agree to complete on that you need to worry about.

Has anybody actually signed ANYTHING?

I'd be tempted to take the opportunity to visit my family abroad (perhaps with pre-schooler), and let DH cope with the school run. Failing that find an Airbnb or similar apartment.

Gerdticker · 24/08/2022 09:30

Darling girl

Reading all your posts, this is not a great marriage. What an arsehole, to think that the money he earns for the family, while you look after the kids, is 'his' alone.

And he should totally understand about your feeling towards your MIL, she sounds awful. I would avoid staying with her at all costs too, I don't blame you for dreading it.

I hope you can find a way to build up your independence in the months and years ahead. Maybe this marriage is not the right one for you.

If you HAVE to stay with her, can you plan loads of excuses to get away? Doctors appointments, important errands, meeting friends... anything you can think of, to get out of the house as much as possible. She has no right to try and control you x

DelphiniumBlue · 24/08/2022 09:34

situation is we’ve sold our home and are exchanging in 10 days. We will have 3 weeks exactly from date of exchange to moving into our new home.

Just checking ....you are saying you will have 3 weeks from the date of exchnage to moving into your new home. However, you don't have to move out until completion, not exchange, and you get to agree the dates, you don't have to accept them being foisted upon you. Most people arrange to complete on both properties at the same time, in order to avoid the " homelesss for a few weeks " scenario. Just wanted to make sure you fully understand the process- not trying to be patronising here.
If DH has given you wrong information deliberately, like he has lied to you about having sorted something out when in fact he has arranged for you move to him mother's when he knows it is the last thing you want to do, I would be very suspicious of his motives.
You have also said that the 3 week period is not definite either - will you exchange on both properties at the same time? If not, you may find that the new home doesn't materialise at all.
In your shoes I would refuse to exchange at all until this was sorted formally, eg Air BnB booked . Absolutely refuse to move to his mothers. I feel he's trying to take advantage of you.
Are you a co-owner of the house, and will you be on the new one?
You can contact the solicitor to discuss dates, and then take it from there.

Sswhinesthebest · 24/08/2022 09:39

Are you supposed to be exchanging and completing on the same day?

Unfortunately I suspect the op isn’t on the deeds of their current house and won’t be on the new one.

Op, are you happy in your relationship? Does he control all aspects of your life?

Bluetrews25 · 24/08/2022 09:42

Just wondering if DH was only able to get you to move out in the first place with the assurance to MIL that he would get you back under her roof after you had produced DCs. This was the plan all along??
Is he quite traditional and embedded in his culture?

Maybe it's time to pack a bag and run away to women's aid with your DCs?

hewouldwouldnthe · 24/08/2022 09:45

3 weeks I would just go with it and grit my teeth

hewouldwouldnthe · 24/08/2022 09:46

And look for good contraception and getting a job, so you are not so dependent on you DH.

bringbackveronicamars · 24/08/2022 09:55

what are my options? He is saying 3 weeks but could well be longer as date has only been discussed and nothing signed. DH keeps reminding me that it’s his money and as I’m a SAHM at present it’s his decision.

I'd tell him that with attitude, your marriage is clearly doomed and there's no point in exchanging and you're pulling out. Seriously.

The children are both of your responsibility so it's family money, not his money. If he genuinely can't see that, you need to take a stand now.

StrongTea · 24/08/2022 10:02

Any local caravan parks? Sounds a nightmare for you.

Floweryflora · 24/08/2022 10:03

bringbackveronicamars · 24/08/2022 09:55

what are my options? He is saying 3 weeks but could well be longer as date has only been discussed and nothing signed. DH keeps reminding me that it’s his money and as I’m a SAHM at present it’s his decision.

I'd tell him that with attitude, your marriage is clearly doomed and there's no point in exchanging and you're pulling out. Seriously.

The children are both of your responsibility so it's family money, not his money. If he genuinely can't see that, you need to take a stand now.

I just don’t get posts like this. There is no legal basis for this at all. It is not family money, it’s his money, it’s his choice how to spend it, even on divorce there would just be child maintenance. Family money is a myth made up by non earning folks who want their spouses money. It is their choice on whether to pay for you or not. Pretending they can take a stance and it’s some mythical thing called family money is a joke. It’s not. If she wants money and he doesn’t wish to give her it then she needs to get a job. As unpalatable as it is, that’s it.

Branleuse · 24/08/2022 10:04

I would tell my husband that it is non negotiable and refuse to move in with MIL. Tell him you will move from this house to a house you own together but to not treat you like a fool and to forget the idea of living with his mum as you outright refuse. Not for 3 weeks, not for 1 week, not even for a day.

Threelittlelambs · 24/08/2022 10:09

I don’t understand the delay either.