Who was BU/rude - teenager or grandparent

[Seriou]

I was out today for a few hours and asked my mum to look in on late teenage DP if she was in area (regularly in my area).

I’ve come home to rant on WhatsApp about how rude dd is - GP came in with a friend and spent time in house/garden drinking tea together. GP asked dd to come downstairs but she wouldn’t.

Relevant facts - DD wasn’t actually expecting GP to visit, Dd is extremely shy and has some SEN, dd was still in her pyjamas, dd hasn’t seen friend for years.

Was GP rude for bringing friend in and then demanding DD come down, and then BU in saying I’m raising a rude teenager ?

Or was Dd actually rude and should have made an appearance?

I think your Mum is at fault here by going on WhatsApp and complaining.

I’ve just looked after my grandsons for over a week while Mum and Dad enjoy a holiday. Have they been a pain at times …yes. Have they been cheeky at times ….yes. But there’s no way I will go telling tales to my son and DIL.

Your mum should have just accepted the fact that your daughter wanted privacy, she could have said hello, given her a quick hug, and said we’re having a quick cuppa in the garden pop down if you want.

This is it, and this is the thing that makes me the most uncomfortable. Of course family members can all be a pain to each other every now and again, and I'm sure every single one of us has been at some point in our lives. But if it's minor then you just brush it off, you don't write them off as A Rude Person and go round slagging them off to others as though that's the most important part of their personality. It just comes across as a bit vicious and spiteful.

How exactly was she being ignorant?

@SillySausage81
I agree, vicious and spiteful cover it.

The OP needs to focus on this and put her mother firmly in her place.

She has behaved appallingly.

Those WhatsApp rants would ensure the key was returned.

I appreciate on MN there is a mixture of behaviour acceptable, but walking into another person's home, even if it is family, is appallingly rude, bringing someone with you, is unbelievably rude.

The OP needs to put her mother in her place and apologise to her daughter.

I am an OAP and a Grandparent, and yet I think that both the mother (for asking her mum to pop in) and the Grandmother, were both completely in the wrong, and I have made that point earlier in this thread. So please don't be so patronising and condescending as to voice your warped views on everyone from a certain age group.
Consent and boundaries are extremely important to all of my contemporaries.

The grandparent was extremely rude in bringing a friend without notice and expecting dd to be sociable.

My autistic teens would have been horrified.

GP was totally rude. I'm sure they wouldn't try that on with an adult so why is it ok with a teenager?

There seems to be some pretty standard comms missing here?

“come down and say hello”
”yes ok, just let me get dressed”

🤷‍♀️

oops. Posted to soon

or
”I’d rather not, I wasn’t expecting anyone”

”okay, no problem”

Also it's a bit awkward for the friend. I don't think I'd want to be brought round uninvited to my friends relatives house like that .

An unexpected, unannounced visitor demanding your time and attention whilst you expect to be chilling at home on your own. It’s a shame your DD isn’t quite 18 yet because this would be even more clear of an argument - telling an adult in their own home to pander to your needs, err no you can F off even if you are my gran.

Total storm in a teacup!!

However, I don't think GP should be entertaining friends in your house, without your having invited them!

Except she did ask, the teen said no, and then Grandma Uppity decided against the "no problem" bit.

I don't think the DD is rude for not coming down. I'm 38 and wouldn't have wanted to come down either! I can imagine a lot of teens would find that socially uncomfortable especially with your mother bringing a random friend with her which was really not on.

I think I'm in the minority but I would be disappointed in my teen if they had not come down to say hi. Basic manners