Step grandchild

[Sar69]

Please help
why do I feel so guilty.
it’s my husbands 50th birthday soon and for a nice idea from all his grandkids I’ve asked parents to send pictures of the grandkids to me to have a drawn picture of all of them together. First time being together aswell.
my step daughter has just had a Baby 8 weeks old and she is the 50th dads daughter. She has also been in my life for 18 years .
And I love her to peices.
she has been with partner for two years and he has son from previous relationship and child is 5 years old .
In this time we have only ever seen him a handful of times so we really have no connection with him.
We don’t leave him out at Christmas , Easter or birthdays , we always buy for him as he is apart of my stepdaughter’s life,
but we don’t class him as a grandchild .
not to say we won’t later on in life but now not at the moment.
Come to picture of grandkids
I asked stepdaughter to send pictures of our new grandchild, even though she did send some of baby by himself
she had also sent a picture
of grandchild second day being born being held by his big brother .The one who I am asking about.
I didn’t want to upset her but I did have to say it was only picture of baby we wanted.
Am I being unreasonable to say this to her or should we have him added on aswell even though he is nothing to do with us
any advice will certainly be much appreciated.
Thanks

Not worth ruining the picture for.

As far as your dsd is concerned this little boy is the sibling of your dsgc so I'd include him.

I thought this too

He is something to do with you though. He is the baby’s half sibling! Just include him. Perhaps holding the baby - that anchors him to his sibling.

Just do two. One including him and one excluding him.

I wouldn't expect to be included in my half siblings dads family photo on their mantlepiece 😂

Don't do two that's utterly ridiculous. What are they going to do swap them over if the stepgrandchild ever visits? That just others the child even more. Don't over think it just do the grandchildren and pop the other picture in a nice frame or something.

I didn’t want to upset her but I did have to say it was only picture of baby we wanted

You didn't have to say that at all - how bizarre.
She sent you some pictures of the babay on its own and one of the baby with his brother. If you wanted photos of only the baby - you got them. By contacting her and saying what you did you have made a special point of saying effectively 'I don't consider your stepchild to be one of the family' Presumably as a step child herself it is very important to her that her stepson is included in the family - good for her, that is lovely for him. Don't be ruining it by excluding him.
No one is going to point at your family picture and say 'he shouldn't be there !' Think about the bigger 'picture'.

Would your DH not query why his SGS wasn't in the picture, or is he emotionally distant from him too?

I'm with you.

What do you mean he has nothing to do with you?? He’s the brother of your DH’s grandchild!! You can’t just erase him from the family 😧.
a picture of him holding the baby is perfect as the focus isn’t solely on him but shows him in relation to your DH’s grandchild.
YABU. Do better.

This child is your grandchilds sibling. My niece aged 4 has an older sister 9 I have not met. My brother lives over 100 miles away and tends to visit with his partner their daughter and his from past relationship. His partners eldest likes to stay with her grandparent. However if I was doing this for my mum I would still add her in as I years to come as you say we may be very involved when she's older. But if not her sister My niece will feel like her family was recognised as we did not forget one of her siblings.

How is that better? Pointing out he's only included because of his relation to the baby?!

No, it doesn’t need to be pointed out at all of course! It’s just a nice picture that includes him the family portrait in a natural setting.

This child is your grandchilds sibling

Not really.

The mother is not the OP's daughter, she is the OP's step-daughter and the OP doesn't see step-children as a part of the family.

So the OP is not this baby's grandmother.

Fucking hell no! Don't say anything like that.

I don’t think you’re going to get a right or wrong answer on here as some people think you should and some think you shouldn’t. I personally don’t think you need to include him but it’s your decision

He's 5. Why is it such a big deal that you'd rather exclude a 5 year old child that is, in any event, the sibling of your grandchild. It just seems mean.

She wants one of her grandkids

Neither of them are her grandkids though

Nor is the baby.

@SheeWeee they're the grandchild / stepgranchild of the person she's making the bloody picture for!

Since she sent two pictures, one with both children and one with just the new baby, she clearly intended to let you choose whether you wanted her stepson in the picture or not.

If this was my family, we would absolutely include your stepdaughter's stepson in the picture. But it's up to you, and it would appear that your stepdaughter is letting you make that decision.

If your stepdaughter has been in your life for 18 years I would have thought you could actually just have a conversation with her and ask her if she would be upset if you were to leave her stepson out of the picture. If she says 'It's up to you, I don't mind' then fine, but if she says 'Hmm, I think he should be included' then include him.

Your picture. Nobody else's.

You know you are being bloody unreasonable. That poor kid, its not his fault, and how damaging to him it will be. It's a photo, a snapshot of the day. I have 2 bonus grandchildren and they know where they are in my family. Grow up

He will always be a brother to the new baby 👶