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Original poster

Feel a bit shakey after ds 10s behaviour

644 replies

BearGryllsDad · 21/08/2022 16:19

For reasons I won't go into I had to take the DCs into town with me to do some exercise. Afterward I took them into M and S as I wanted to check out the sale and get the kids a meal in the cafe (kids eat free, or one does anyway). I have never heard so much moaning and playing up as this from ds who is 10 nearly 11. At one point he was crying because he finished his food and leave even though I still had food on my plate and my drink. His little brother was happily entertaining himself, but ds was making a scene to the extent some people were noticing.

Then whilst I had a quick look arousnd the sale items, mum, mum, mum I want to go. Mum, mum, mum. You said one shop. And on and on he went. I told him to give me five minutes, but he couldn't. At one point he lay on the floor feigning something. He started winding up his younger brother calling him a weirdo and sniggering at him. Pointing out pink t shirts and saying they were for him. In the end I told him to stop as he was being infuriating. I didn't loose my temper and kept it together. But I am sitting at home feeling an angry, shakey mess. I've even had a few tears. I often feels like he tries to control things and play up if we have to run errands or so something that is not centered around him. As soon as he gets home he plugs into YouTube and that may be part of the problem. I know m and s is boring but should he be able to tolerate 30 minutes of boredom at his age without making such an embarrassing scene?

OP posts:
Original poster
BearGryllsDad · 21/08/2022 16:21

At one point he was crying because he finished his food and wanted to *leave even though I still had food on my plate...

Sorry for the typos.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 21/08/2022 16:22

Mmmm, well, I'd be unplugging him from youtube for the rest of the day (and anything else) after his little exhibition.

HotDogKetchup · 21/08/2022 16:22

if that’s the worst of his behaviour I think he sounds like an alright kid….

Downandout01 · 21/08/2022 16:23

Time for a screen detox methinks... also after such appalling behaviour why was he allowed screen time as soon as you got home?
I think when you were out you should have told him you understood this was boring for him but the trip was necessary and if he managed to behave properly he could have screen time when he got home. If he couldn't behave appropriately then no screen time. End of.

Original poster
BearGryllsDad · 21/08/2022 16:24

if that’s the worst of his behaviour I think he sounds like an alright kid….

Really? Crying because I wouldn't leave the cafe half way through my meal, writhing around on the floor in M and S because I wouldn't immediately leave? He is neurotypical so it's not a sensory thing.

OP posts:
MadonnasKebab · 21/08/2022 16:25

Wait till he’s 14 or so! Instead of feeling shaky, sort his behaviour out with consequences that you stick to. If not that bed you made now will be utterly shit when he’s a teen

GreenIsle · 21/08/2022 16:25

BearGryllsDad · 21/08/2022 16:24

if that’s the worst of his behaviour I think he sounds like an alright kid….

Really? Crying because I wouldn't leave the cafe half way through my meal, writhing around on the floor in M and S because I wouldn't immediately leave? He is neurotypical so it's not a sensory thing.

So my go turn his computer off and explain the reasons why

NovaDeltas · 21/08/2022 16:26

Giving kids access to Youtube at a young age means they have appalling attention spans and expect immediate gratification. This is you reaping what you sow.

No more Youtube. It's not for children.

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 16:26

It wasn’t just half an hour though, what was the exercise part? A walk into town? Plus a cafe is really dull for kids, as is watching your mum rake through sales. I think you could have been more understanding of how bored he was, and then avoided the poor behaviour.

Original poster
BearGryllsDad · 21/08/2022 16:26

Time for a screen detox methinks... also after such appalling behaviour why was he allowed screen time as soon as you got home?
I think when you were out you should have told him you understood this was boring for him but the trip was necessary and if he managed to behave properly he could have screen time when he got home. If he couldn't behave appropriately then no screen time. End of.

Yes I should have done this. But to be honest having battled with him all morning, I just want some space from him. I can't manage another battle over technology. But you are right.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 16:26

And obviously, punishing him now will not help.

Timeforabiscuit · 21/08/2022 16:27

You're right, at that age you'd expect them to trudge round a shop even if they don't enjoy it.

Does he do the food shop, or any other more mundane stuff? I'd start with retraining him a bit on expectations when you're all out, and appropriate follow through if he starts complaining in the same way.

ParsleyPesto · 21/08/2022 16:27

HotDogKetchup · 21/08/2022 16:22

if that’s the worst of his behaviour I think he sounds like an alright kid….

Me too. Children are jerks sometimes.

When you next have to drag him around on errands spell it out to him before you go so he knows exactly what you expect from him. And maybe a bribe so something nice when he gets home.

ghostyslovesheets · 21/08/2022 16:27

Tearful, angry and shaking over a mild bit of bored behaviour?

Mate he's approaching teens - he behaved like a normal kid being a bit of a dick - how on earth did you manage the twos?

Original poster
BearGryllsDad · 21/08/2022 16:29

Giving kids access to Youtube at a young age means they have appalling attention spans and expect immediate gratification. This is you reaping what you sow.

No more Youtube. It's not for children

Yes you are right. I think I may block it. He's just so constantly sullen at the moment.

I know shopping is boring, but so is life sometimes!

OP posts:
TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 21/08/2022 16:29

HotDogKetchup · 21/08/2022 16:22

if that’s the worst of his behaviour I think he sounds like an alright kid….

You're kidding right?

if you think that's perfectly acceptable behaviour by a 29yo in a shop, I hate to think what your kids are like

Downandout01 · 21/08/2022 16:29

@BearGryllsDad it is very hard- I do totally get that exhaustion and sometimes path of least resistance is all we can manage. Not too late though to still set your boundaries. At some point today sit down with him- no distractions- and calmly explain that his behaviour earlier was totally out of line. Ask him if he wants to tell you anything about what happened earlier- so he feels heard too. Then make it very clear that any similar behaviour like that in future and you will be withdrawing screen time privileges because screen time is a privilege and not a right and is earned through positive behaviour. Good luck. These bloody summer holidays can feel like they last a lifetime don't they?!

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 21/08/2022 16:29

29??? Fat fingers 😂😂10

FizzyStream · 21/08/2022 16:30

When things have calmed down, take away his screens and explain why and that he'll get them back when he apologises and shows he has understood why his behaviour was inappropriate. Also make him aware that his behaviour was very childish. They hate being thought of as younger than they are. Perhaps consider deleting/blocking you tube? Tell him he's obviously not old enough to watch it.

Original poster
BearGryllsDad · 21/08/2022 16:30

Tearful, angry and shaking over a mild bit of bored behaviour?

Mate he's approaching teens - he behaved like a normal kid being a bit of a dick - how on earth did you manage the twos?

People are understanding when they see a 2 year old playing up. With a nearly 11 year old, it's bloody embarrassing.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 16:30

It’s not acceptable behaviour, it is normal for a bored ten year old though.

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 21/08/2022 16:31

Is he moving up to secondary in Sept? Could it be anxiety?

Kanaloa · 21/08/2022 16:31

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 16:26

It wasn’t just half an hour though, what was the exercise part? A walk into town? Plus a cafe is really dull for kids, as is watching your mum rake through sales. I think you could have been more understanding of how bored he was, and then avoided the poor behaviour.

A NT 10 year old should be able to tolerate eating lunch at a cafe then shopping for a short time. Crying and throwing yourself around is ridiculous behaviour. If he’s incapable of sitting through any small thing he finds a little bit boring he’ll really really struggle at school.

What did you do at the time? If my son did this I’d tell him ‘we need to do xyz. If you keep being silly you’ll lose your computer time at home.’ Then if he kept it up he’d lose his computer time. I wouldn’t tolerate this behaviour from a 5 year old.

Suzi888 · 21/08/2022 16:32

mbosnz · 21/08/2022 16:22

Mmmm, well, I'd be unplugging him from youtube for the rest of the day (and anything else) after his little exhibition.

^
Consequences….. were there any? If not, M&S is boring for a child and he will learn if he plays up then you’ll give in and go home and he gets his way! Put your foot down.

It’s embarrassing when they play up, the stares, the disapproving glances - I can see why you were upset.

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 16:32

Kanaloa · 21/08/2022 16:31

A NT 10 year old should be able to tolerate eating lunch at a cafe then shopping for a short time. Crying and throwing yourself around is ridiculous behaviour. If he’s incapable of sitting through any small thing he finds a little bit boring he’ll really really struggle at school.

What did you do at the time? If my son did this I’d tell him ‘we need to do xyz. If you keep being silly you’ll lose your computer time at home.’ Then if he kept it up he’d lose his computer time. I wouldn’t tolerate this behaviour from a 5 year old.

Show quote history

Plus the length of time the mysterious exercise took, plus the length of time to get to the shops. Not just a quick cafe treat then watching your mum at the sales.