DW wants a cleaner

[lightcurtains]

We've just had a baby a few weeks ago.
I am going back to work next week.
DW wants us to hire a cleaner while she is on mat leave to come in each week.

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable?

Yes,I think you are.

YANBU if you're willing to do the cleaning yourself.

How much of the cleaning do you do, and how much does your wife do?

Yes you’re being unreasonable

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

Do the cleaning yourself, then. Your hang-ups aren't your wife's problem.

you take over all the cleaning then and your DW enjoy her mat leave how she wants to.

It's a good idea and you'll both benefit from a clean house and not having to do it yourselves.

Life changes once you have children and if some things like cleaning can be outsourced, it really helps give you back some family time. I think you need to get over your qualms and accept life has changed.

YANBU if you are going to do the vast majority of the cleaning (ie not the every day wiping of benches, etc)

YABU if you expect her to do all of the cleaning and take care of a baby while you are at work.

Can you afford it?

I'm very much of the opinion that if you can afford a cleaner, hire one! I'm a SAHM to a toddler and a baby and we have a a cleaner for 2 hrs a week and it's a god send!
Between DH and I we still do the day to day spot cleaning, wiping benches, hoovering crumbs, etc but having a cleaner for the bathrooms & bedrooms is a huge weight off (particularly) my shoulders

When you got married what was your shared plan for housework?

Did you make it clear to your wife that you would take on the lion’s share of housework if you had a baby? Have you been doing so? Will you continue to do so when you return to work?

If not, you are being ridiculous.

Provided you’ll do all the cleaning competently and regularly then it’s gone not to want someone in your house.

If you’re not going to do the cleaning competently and regularly then you need to get over your issue.

It's easy to underestimate how hard looking after a new born / small child actually is - it's not unreasonable for your wife to say she can't do it all - like others have said - either step up and take on some extra work or hire someone

<Wonders what dreadful things OP is hiding in each room >

I'm assuming you are planning to do the housework instead then?

The amount of relief and calm I feel after our cleaner has been for two hours is not at all proportional to the amount it costs to pay her. Your wife is saying she needs help. Pay for the help. Presumably your wife can also be home if you are worried about someone being there.

How come most of you are assuming I don't clean? We both share the house work. There seems to be an assumption I am expecting DW to do everything in the house?

I'm not assuming you don't clean. I just think if you're refusing a cleaner you need to do it all. She's told you she needs help to keep her cleaning up.

This ^^

Yabu

Why don't you do all the cleaning instead of getting a cleaner if you're not keen on hiring someone

Two Options

1. Get a cleaner


2. You do all the cleaning.

Caring for a baby full time is already hard work on its own. Anything you can do to take the load of your DW, you should be jumping through hoops to do it.

Wife wants a cleaner, you don’t.
so only options are get a cleaner or you do it all as wife doesn’t want to do it

Don't just do "your share" then. Your wife is tending to a baby all day and probably most of the night. Is she cooking, doing laundry, household admin, ad nauseam, too?

Because she wouldn't be asking for a cleaner?

I haven't assumed you don't do any cleaning.
I think its entirely reasonable - and sensible - to get a cleaner. Your wife will be doing the majority of the childcare, while (presumably) postpartum and still recovering (takes a lot longer than many think). Dealing with sleep deprivation etc.

She clearly feels it will take a huge weight off to have a cleaner. It ought to be a no brainer if you can afford it.

Additionally, housework is often a point of contention for couples, why not eliminate this as much as possible?

Just get a cleaner and make life easier for you both - and respond to your wife's needs.

Just let her do it. Get over yourself