DW wants a cleaner

[lightcurtains]

We've just had a baby a few weeks ago.
I am going back to work next week.
DW wants us to hire a cleaner while she is on mat leave to come in each week.

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable?

If you teenager came to you and said she just don't want to help clean would you hire a cleaner?

The great thing about being an adult is you don't have to do what your parents tell you .....

I kept our cleaner when I was on Mat leave. If you can afford it then I don't see what the problem is?🤷🏼‍♀️

What difference does OP's sex make?

@InChocolateWeTrust eTrust what if there was a physical reason why he didn't feel that he could cook, would you dismiss him, or throw in a few takeaways/micro meals etc?

This is a new mum who is asking for help.

In that case I feel a bit sad for you @InChocolateWeTrust

sometimes I don’t want to cook so we go out or get a takeaway

sometimes I don’t want to drive so I get a taxi

sometimes (always) I don’t want to iron so someone else does it

sometimes I don’t want to do my nails so I get a manicure

There’s no points for martyrdom.

Do the fucking cleaning then

I see your point I was the same as you. However after years of feeling like you I bit the bullet. It was absolutely great!!!

saved us hours on a weekend meaning more downtime

at least try it out

mine quit so now it’s back to the way it was but still at least give it a shot

Do people really think you can get a cleaner and that's it, no more cleaning?

🤣

"What do people do all day on mat leave if they can't even fit in a normal share of housework?"

Look after their mental and physical health by getting out, sometimes to multiple baby groups etc. Get enough sleep and look after the baby. Some first time Mums find it a massive shock.

Mat leave is to recover from the pregnancy/birth and look after the baby. It's not to become default cleaner/washer woman/shopper/chef/dogsbody.

some women want to 'do the house'
some women don't.

some women enjoy it.
some women don't.

some women might want to do something to keep up their qualifications/career, some might want to catch up on sleep they're not getting at night, or meet friends, go to baby classes.

women are, funnily enough, all different! This particular woman has said she wants to get a cleaner, she doesn't want to fall into becoming the house maid - easily done on mat leave. If they can afford it, why not?? Except the OP doesn't want a cleaner. Which I also understand. So there's going to have to be a compromise & only they know what that would be.

the op has said they don't want someone in all the rooms. Would they be ok with someone say cleaning the bathroom, doing the floors in the communal areas & the op doing the rest?

the DW can't make the OP accept having a cleaner & the OP can't make the DW do cleaning she doesn't want to do.

I understand both their views & my compromise would be different, but I'm the one home more & not wanting a cleaner.

@Lockheart you seem to be struggling to comprehend. The wife has a perfectly reasonable solution for not wanting to clean: a cleaner. But OP is vetoing that.

If she wants a cleaner then you aren't cleaning often enough or not very well. Which is it?

@lightcurtains but she is the one looking after a baby all day and she is the one asking for help in the form of a cleaner.

Are you being deliberately obtuse? She can no longer do 50/50 the way she used to as there is a BABY in the mix now.

She has judged the situation and decided that she needs help.

No we're not stupid so we know how it works cuz some of us have cleaners. I still have to do some cleaning in between the time the cleaner comes but it's no where near what I'd have to do. I'm talking about washing up after dinner etc...

I have a cleaner and completely understand how you feel about a stranger in the house. I don't like my cleaners to go in the bedrooms, so I just ask them to do all the house except the bedrooms, would that work for you?

You could ask your DW to be in when the cleaner visits if that would alleviate some of your worries. You could also just ask for kitchen, bathrooms, communal areas if you’re not comfortable with someone going in your bedroom/personal spaces.

I had a baby that for a while would go mad if I put her down and hated a sling. We got a cleaner when I was pregnant and she was a life saver tbh. I remember one day spending something like 6 hours on the sofa with the baby lying ontop of me. Just het a cleaner, you’ll have more free time too.

I never clean bathrooms, make beds, mop floors, clean windows, clean out fridges, Hoover, put out bins etc.

Obviously I load/unload dishwashers, wipe spills but not much else to be fair.

@Pixiedust1234

Or maybe the ops wife is just a bit lazy?

Maybe it's her who is shit at cleaning

@DoItAfraid

Why does having a baby mean you can't still do 50/50?

How do you think most people manage?!

The idea that it is impossible to do housework and look after a baby is nonsense.

Christ we managed to work almost full time, do housework and look after 2 under 3.

@PegasusReturns

Bar the bathroom I rarely do much of that either

No cleaner required

I love how some people are saying that she shouldn't expect the cleaner to come out of joint money and she should pay for it all herself

I mean she has put her health on the line to have a baby, has then got to cope on lower pay, has possible career implications in taking maternity leave, has an impact on her pension contributions but sure the OP being £30 a week down for the cleaner is really expecting too much here 🙄

With our cleaner we met with her before engaging her so we could get comfortable with her and also did a trial clean so we could see if she was any good (she is excellent, much better than me!). Would that be worth exploring to see if it could make you more comfortable OP? Ours also comes when I am at home so she doesn’t have our keys.

You could get a lock for the sex dungeon? I promise you a cleaner has zero interest in your rooms unless you leave them in a filthy state.

YABU. I'd say get a cleaner or do it yourself! So much easier with a cleaner I massively appreciate mine, and actually better for your relationship as no arguing over who does what!

OP, there are people in this thread saying your wife is LAZY. Come and and defend your wife.

I have 2 toddlers and im planning on getting a cleaner next year for 2 hours a week just to do the things i hate doing.

If you have the money i dont see why not. yes she may be at home with baby but trust me its hard cleaning when you have needy children around.