DW wants a cleaner

[lightcurtains]

We've just had a baby a few weeks ago.
I am going back to work next week.
DW wants us to hire a cleaner while she is on mat leave to come in each week.

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable?

So are you the house boss?

If you feel really uncomfor

Cannot wait to see how all the just do it youselfers respond to op update

🤣🤣

OP, a cleaner doesn't have to do every room, and most people can't afford it anyway. A sensible focus is kitchen, bathroom(s), living and dining rooms - the most heavily used shared spaces. Bedrooms, study, etc, remain private, and for you to clean yourself. Would that be a good compromise for you and your wife?

Otherwise, I agree with the consensus, if you can afford a cleaner, but refuse one to support your wife during maternity leave, then you do it all yourself.

Bully for you.

if they can afford to make life easier why shouldn’t they?

Are you my husband?
Probably not, as I have not just had a baby, and you have said you share the cleaning, but he has similar views to you.

I want a cleaner. He does not. He, therefore, does all the cleaning. I am in charge of tidying my stuff away, as I would be if we had a cleaner coming in.

I do the cooking and shopping and change the beds. He does the washing up and the laundry. We feel it's a fairly even split apart from the cleaning - I would prefer him not to do any cleaning, and have a cleaner, but we have compromised on this arrangement.

From my point of view, on the basis that you still want your wife to share the cleaning, YABU.

Don't know why that cut off my comment!

If you feel really uncomfortable, you can have a cleaner clean everything but your bedroom/master bath. That way the public spaces in the house are cleaned
but your private spaces are still private.

@Regularsizedrudy

Cause the op doesn't want to?

Why is your partner the one on mat leave when you have had surgery and are breastfeeding? It sounds like you’ve got a raw deal!!

Misses point of thread

@Topgub no update because the sex doesn’t matter to me! She can still do it herself!

If you're recovering from a c section and doing night time breast feeds that's even more reason to get a cleaner IMO! Is she struggling with the additional workload from having to pick up extra chores where you can't?

Honestly just make life easier on yourselves.

I stand by what I said - if you can afford a cleaner and don't want one you should do the extra cleaning once you're able to again.

No, ours is totally fine with me being there. I’m usually working so just in my study and then briefly go into another room while she does the study. We always have a nice chat just before she leaves as well. Ours is through an agency - maybe find a local cleaner or agency and talk about your concerns and see if they can do anything to assuage them?

@AM453

Even though she is post Cs and bf?

Really?

Yes, YOU are unreasonable. Unless you are willing to do the housecleaning by your wife's standards, then you should support her request.

@AM453

The OP is the one recovering from birth

Even though the OP is recovering from giving birth and doing the night time BF?

or maybe the op is mean with money?

Are you saying that everyone who employs a cleaner, a nanny, a gardener etc is lazy? What a manly thing to say 😂

Because she’s being unreasonable. I would thought that she’d even be the one jumping at the suggestion of a cleaner given that she’s recovering.

Do you not see what’s going on? The OP is more concerned about what the cleaners may or may not find in the house whilst cleaning. I just don’t get it but maybe it’s not for me to get, I don’t know

Ah, cross-post with your update, OP. Main paragraph stands!
Second changes to encouraging you to consider the support a cleaner could offer, for yourself, as much as for your wife.

Try it and see how you get on. You might like the results of a clean house without you or DW having to do it all or you might not. Worth a go though.

@Topgub it isn't a sex issue it's a life/expectations issue. FWIW my DH certainly wasn't brought up to clean and that was about sexism. My MIL has bigger chips on her shoulder about class.

I'd happily pay an to clean there just aren't many of them about.

OP I'm often in or at least in and out when the cleaner's here. It isn't an issue.

Tuesdays she vacuums, mops hard floors, cleans bogs and bathrooms and dusts. 3 hours.

Fridays she does a bit of wiping down of paintwork, goes over a couple of bathrooms and irons.

Window cleaner - male
Gardeners - male
Oven cleaner - female
Christmas tree suppliers - male
Solicitor - female
Accountant - male
Dentist - male; hygienist female
Optician female
GP female
Plumber male
Electrician male
Decorator male
Postman male

I don't chose who does what work and would always employ people who are good regardless of their sex.

If you don’t agree to a cleaner at a time when you wife has asked because she feels that she needs one (only for a few hours a week ) - then she may feel that you don’t really care or understand how hard it is to look after a new baby and she will resent you for ever more. 10 years down the line she will despise you and there will be no sex. Only half joking

@AM453

Do I not get what's going on?

Huh?

I dont know what you mean by that.

I wouldnt pay for a cleaner. I dont see the need. I dont know anyone who has one.

I dont think its abnormal or suspect in one way to not have one as you appear to be implying.

People need to read the updates before posting.

If you usually split the chores and your wife doesn't want to do her half anymore, she can pay for a cleaner herself surely? Maternity leave isn't a holiday - sure it's hard work looking after a baby but you've got time to do a bit of cleaning for goodness sake. I don't think you're being particularly unreasonable.