DW wants a cleaner

[lightcurtains]

We've just had a baby a few weeks ago.
I am going back to work next week.
DW wants us to hire a cleaner while she is on mat leave to come in each week.

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable?

It’s about respecting eachother and not burdening a partner with more than they can bear, even if you think you can do it yourself, you’re not her so you should respect and understand where she’s coming from.

Hi cleaning job needed here in Wakefield West Yorkshire area £12p h will work weekends if needed

@Lovelycheesegromit

Except the responses where people know its a woman are very different.

Funnily enough.

My reply and a few others I’ve seen aren’t any different once realised she’s a woman. Looking after a newborn baby full time is hard work whether or not you’re a man or woman, given birth or not. It’s perfectly normal for people who can afford it and in many cultures to have help be in outsourced or family, it’s only in the U.K. we have this strange attitude of doing it all. I think some people were calling dw lazy when they though op was a man, I’m not sure how people changed their mind as I can’t go through the whole thread.

Not sure why my other comment was deleted!

I don't think you're coming across even remotely aggressively op.

The right cleaner can be a godsend. They don't give a shit what they see or find. People have lives! The right cleaner gets to know what works best for you and just comes in, gets on with it discreetly and efficiently and makes your life easier. Loads of cleaners actively enjoy making a house look better, so there's no need to do anything beforehand either. They relish a good before n after!

@Lovelycheesegromit

Yes it's normal if you can afford it and in different cultures (the ethics around that are probablyfor a different thread). I dont think anyone has said other wise

But there was also a tone of absolutely disbelief that anyone could possibly not want one or cope without one.

Someone even said it was actually impossible to do housework with a baby.

And the responses were different for those presuming the op was a man

Just do it all yourself changed to oh well, maybe your dw could do more etc

Its always interesting to see how little people (women who presumably don't work or don't work much) value the contribution paid work provides.

I disagree. Nothing to do with not valuing paid work. There are many men that would rather their wives clean cook and do child care despite it being difficult for many to do it all unless you have a really straight forward baby. So this was the response, unless you can’t afford it listen to your partner or do it yourself or the third option is don’t complain if the housework isn’t done to your standard. We don’t know their relationship or the full story as to why dw wants a cleaner. We don’t know if op doesn’t value primary carer role and thinks it must be really easy to be around a baby all day and somehow motivate yourself to tidy up cook clean etc. it’s isolating and can lead to depression especially if you haven’t been able to go out with the baby as the other jobs need doing. Great if it’s easy for you but everyone is different. Maybe they should both go to work and then get nanny and cleaner then nobody can complain about one person doing more work than the other. Partnerships aren’t about totting up who has been more productive.

@Ihaveanoldiphone

When people are saying eugh the dw can't possibly be expected to look after 1 baby and do half the cleaning but the op can absolutely go to work and do all the cleaning then that absolutely is about not valuing paid work

Depending on the role working can be much harder than being at home with 1 baby.

I'd have been pissed off if I'd been out at work for 12.5 hours and come home to be told I had to do all the cleaning and (as some pp said) immediately handed the baby so they could go and 'relax'

No chance.

If you don’t want a cleaner, simple answer is you do it.

Why is that the answer @wentworthinmate? Genuinely curious as so many people have posted it on here.

If I told my wife I didn’t want to do any of the cooking anymore but still wanted home cooked food and wanted us to hire a cook to cover my half of the work, and she said no, would that automatically mean she had to do all the cooking because she’d not agreed with my suggestion? That doesn’t seem fair to her.

Surely the answer is to discuss it as a couple, taking into consideration each other’s feelings and priorities and come to some sort of compromise.

i Was wondering this

is it ok for one partner to just refuse to do something, leaving the other with the the binary choice of do it themselves or outsource it? I’d say no

i think the poster above is one of many who thought the OP was a man…