Page 5 | DW wants a cleaner

Randomthoughts992 · 19/08/2022 12:34

but also not everyone is great at cleaning, Just because shes a woman and a mum and a wift, doesnt mean shes lazy aybe she is just bad at it or bad at organising her day and needs a little bit of help

Topgub · 19/08/2022 12:35

@Wayfairtwo

I reckon they might be too busy defending themselves

Are you going to switch and take some leave yourself op?

If not why not?

IncompleteSenten · 19/08/2022 12:36

If you don't want a cleaner in the house then you do the extra every week that the cleaner would do. 🤷

InChocolateWeTrust · 19/08/2022 12:38

There’s no points for martyrdom

It's not martyrdom! A bit of cleaning while on maternity leave really isnt hard. Women have been having babies and getting on with life for thousands of years.

We are in a cost of living crisis! Cleaners aren't free. It's a terrific luxury to pay out probably at least £50 a month on a cleaner when not working. The vast majority of people fit in cleaning AND work AND looking after their kids.

This thread really reveals what a bloody bubble mumsnet is that it's a given that someone not working with one baby to look after can't possibly be expected to do their half of cleaning their home themselves.

qpmz · 19/08/2022 12:38

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 19/08/2022 12:03

Not unreasonable at all she has more then enough time to clean the house while on mat leave as long as you are doing 50% of it

It's near impossible to do much cleaning with a new baby who wants to be with you all the time. If you manage to put baby down for a nap, then mum should be napping too to avoid severe sleep deprivation.

MercuryOnTheRise · 19/08/2022 12:40

I can't imagine being married to a man who thought my role was to clean - even to do half the cleaning.

The one time my mum had my back was when I was on Mat Leave, DS's christening, and MIL made a comment about not needing the cleane then I was at home. Mum shot straight back "oh did you bring up your girls to clean"?

To be honest I had a cleaner before I got married. I still wipe sinks, kitchen counter, sweep, constantly tidy. Without a cleaner I could do clean or tidy not both. DH has never cleaned but is mercilessly tidy. We agreed he wouldn't when we married but he also agreed there must always be a cleaner. He respected me as an independent woman and respected that my family had always had other people to clean. Sub-contracting is great: oven, cleaning, windows, parties even the Christmas trees, au-pair. But then we both work and our time is valuable.

And what on earth is the issue with a cleaner entering your rooms. It's what cleaners do.

3peassuit · 19/08/2022 12:41

If you don’t want to do all the cleaning yourself and can afford it, get a cleaner. Llet her use this time to get used to new motherhood which can be exhausting both physically and mentally.

Vikinga · 19/08/2022 12:41

lightcurtains · 19/08/2022 11:33

We've just had a baby a few weeks ago.
I am going back to work next week.
DW wants us to hire a cleaner while she is on mat leave to come in each week.

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable?

If you don't like the thought of a cleaner, you can do the cleaning. There, fixed it for you.

Topgub · 19/08/2022 12:41

@MercuryOnTheRise

Is your cleaner female?

Bettyboop3 · 19/08/2022 12:42

Wayfairtwo · 19/08/2022 12:33

OP, there are people in this thread saying your wife is LAZY. Come and and defend your wife.

Maybe the OP agrees 🤷‍♀️

AM453 · 19/08/2022 12:42

InChocolateWeTrust · 19/08/2022 12:38

There’s no points for martyrdom

It's not martyrdom! A bit of cleaning while on maternity leave really isnt hard. Women have been having babies and getting on with life for thousands of years.

We are in a cost of living crisis! Cleaners aren't free. It's a terrific luxury to pay out probably at least £50 a month on a cleaner when not working. The vast majority of people fit in cleaning AND work AND looking after their kids.

This thread really reveals what a bloody bubble mumsnet is that it's a given that someone not working with one baby to look after can't possibly be expected to do their half of cleaning their home themselves.

OP never once stated that money was an issue. In fact, if money was tight I very much doubt DW would even consider getting a cleaner.

Believe it or not Cost of Living Crisis isn't affecting everyone. Shocking right?

Zone2NorthLondon · 19/08/2022 12:42

Easy answer, you do the cleaning then
save money, and no stranger furtling about compromising your privacy
go get your marigolds

ChocolateCustom632 · 19/08/2022 12:43

Buy a robot hoover

That's a good start

ErrolTheDragon · 19/08/2022 12:43

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable?

Focusing on this bit - so, just have the cleaner deal with rooms that other people go in anyway. Which is probably everything except the bedroom(s) you use, any en-suite bathroom, and study/office if you have one. Anyone hiring a cleaner defines what they do and don't want doing.

I would say try to get a regular cleaner who your partner will get to know, not an agency where it might be someone different each week.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/08/2022 12:43

AM453 · 19/08/2022 11:50

Two Options

Get a cleaner

You do all the cleaning.

Caring for a baby full time is already hard work on its own. Anything you can do to take the load of your DW, you should be jumping through hoops to do it.

@AM453 is absolutely right, @lightcurtains.

If you can afford a cleaner, and it will make your wife's life easier, whilst she is at the pointy end of new motherhood and recovering from the birth, it is not reasonable of you to let your hang-ups get in the way of what your wife needs. So unless you are willing to shoulder all the cleaning/housework, whilst your wife looks after herself and your new baby, you need to get over yourself and get a cleaner in.

I would have loved to have a cleaner, even just once a week or once a fortnight, when I had my babies - it would have made my life so much easier - and might have helped me cope with post natal depression too (because I wouldn't have been feeling guilty about not having done the housework).

We have cleaners now - they come in once a fortnight, and they are an absolute godsend. Two or three of them come, they are in the house for 2 hours or less, and in that time they completely clean either downstairs or upstairs, and the house looks lovely afterwards. We have them because I have long covid, which has severely reduced the amount that I can do around the house, and whilst dh is only working part time, from home, he cannot cope with everything that needs doing. Our cleaners used to come once a month, but we have put it up to once a fortnight, because he needs that help.

I don't feel entirely comfortable, having the cleaners in - even though they are lovely, friendly ladies, and entirely unjudgemental - but that is my hang-up, and it would be very unreasonable of me to refuse to put up with some minor discomfort, in order to help dh.

BeechFairy · 19/08/2022 12:44

If you can afford it having a cleaner is money well spent.
For the price of a meal you come home to a house smelling all clean and hoovered. It's bliss.
It frees you both from that eternal drudgery.
If you are wary about trusting a cleaner just make sure they are recommended and your DW can be at home when they come.

Topgub · 19/08/2022 12:44

You can totally tell who has a useless lazy oh from the responses

🤣

MercuryOnTheRise · 19/08/2022 12:45

@Topgub I have a woman who comes in weekly but twice a year I have a major spring clean and three come together and at least one is a man in those circumstances. I see what you are getting at. Best au-pair I ever had was a 19 year old boy.

Cherryblossoms85 · 19/08/2022 12:45

Is this a wind up?

Topgub · 19/08/2022 12:47

@MercuryOnTheRise

Yeah seems a bit hypocritical to say women weren't raised to clean and then hire a woman to do your cleaning for you.

The sexism is rife on this thread eh.

ShesNotTheMessiah · 19/08/2022 12:47

One compromise might be to get the cleaner but have them exclude your bedroom, and do that room yourself - that way the most private room is kept private?

Original poster

lightcurtains · 19/08/2022 12:47

Ok this isn't a drip feed - I've just read through the comments and it's obvious many people think I'm a man.
Not that it should make a difference if I'm a man or a woman.

I thought men posted on Dadsnet? But I'm not sure. Anyway we are both women.

I can't reply to every comment individually so I'll try to answer as many as I can here:

My wife isn't lazy and neither am I.
We both clean. I haven't done as much cleaning since the baby because I'm still recovering from my c section. I've had a lot of problems recovering and had to go back into hospital for a week so I've struggled to clean as much. But this will change once I'm back on the mend.

We both take care of the baby.
We both get up in the night.
I am still breastfeeding so I get up in the night to feed / express.
Wife also gets up to feed with bottle and change nappies etc.
we both do this equally.
I'm going back to work part time. (4 days per week).

Regardless of if I'm a man or a woman, I still feel uncomfortable with someone being in the house.

Someone has mentioned about wife being in the house when the cleaner is here. But would that be weird for the cleaner?
I thought they wouldn't like that really Incase they feel they're being checked up on?
Or just generally feel uncomfortable.
I've never had a cleaner before so not sure.

OP posts:

GiraffeInTheCity · 19/08/2022 12:47

Best money we ever spent was getting a cleaner after I gave birth. The idea of doing anything other than keeping a tiny human alive at the time was too much.

@lightcurtains if you're ok to do it all then it's probably fine not to get one - but I suspect your wife is looking for help here...

ShesNotTheMessiah · 19/08/2022 12:49

Someone has mentioned about wife being in the house when the cleaner is here. But would that be weird for the cleaner?
I thought they wouldn't like that really Incase they feel they're being checked up on?

It'd be quite normal - they really won't mind this and the chances are your wife will be focussed on the baby and leaving the cleaners to get on.

Beefcurtains79 · 19/08/2022 12:49

You seem more bothered about the hypothetical cleaners feelings than your wife’s, you’re overthinking it.