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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DW wants a cleaner

363 replies

lightcurtains · 19/08/2022 11:33

We've just had a baby a few weeks ago.
I am going back to work next week.
DW wants us to hire a cleaner while she is on mat leave to come in each week.

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Corcory · 21/08/2022 00:05

Our cleaner does the toilet, bathroom kitchen and sitting room, hall stairs and landing but not the bedrooms or ensuite. She also does all the ironing which is a godsend. So best of both worlds, she's not in our 'private space' but gets most of the house done. She also does it whilst one of us is in as DH doesn't like the idea of someone being in the house when we aren't in. Would that work for you?

Solonge · 21/08/2022 00:17

I had this with my husband when I had our children. He worked...expected me to clean, shop and cook as 'I was at home all day'. You are not being unreasonable if you are willing to do all the cleaning, otherwise...you totally are unreasonable.

Gemma2003 · 21/08/2022 00:18

YANBU - unless money is not an issue at all. To say looking after one baby requires additional help with the housework and when you are on one income it is ridiculous to pay someone to swish the bathrooms and run the hoover. I say this as someone who has had two little ones far from family support, and with a professional job and a husband working shift work. We split the cleaning. Between you, you need to set aside one hour each per week - surely you can achieve that? The money would be better being saved.

Also as someone who was a cleaner all through university you do know more about how your clients live than a mere passerby. So I get that issue too.

Solonge · 21/08/2022 00:20

This reply has been deleted

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Solonge · 21/08/2022 00:26

'its extremely lazy of her not to do the cleaning'.....WTF are you to decree who is and who isnt lazy? you know nothing about their situation....he isnt suggesting he helps out at all...maternity leave is for recovery, time with the baby and getting used to being a parent...you like cleaning houses? good for you...crack on.

Daffi · 21/08/2022 01:03

This is mumsnet they are all entitled and have cleaners. Wrong group to ask

Original poster
lightcurtains · 21/08/2022 01:47

@Solonge
There isn't a 'he' in this situation.
I don't think you've read the full thread.
You've called me a bully - have you just come on here to make abusive comments?

OP posts:
Sids81 · 21/08/2022 08:30

I've just had a baby, my DH hired a cleaner for a few weeks whilst I recovered as he had to go back to work quite quickly. I actually said I didn't want her anymore (he was willing to hire her for longer) as I didn't think she was doing a very good job. (2 hours a week and all she did was the bathroom) It is hard, cleaning and looking after a baby. It took 4 months before I completely healed. But I found a cleaning schedule called team tomm and it works for me. 30 mins a day, and you're done. I fit it in when the baby sleeps. Not saying this is for everyone, it isn't. Maybe a cleaner would work better for your wife? But it works for me when a cleaner didn't.

Mfsf · 21/08/2022 08:34

Can you maybe compromise with your wife ? Have someone more hours deep clean let’s say ever 10 or 14 days so you don’t feel people are in your house a lot ?
mid you both share and you are going back to work longer then she might feel like she won’t be able to do everything with the baby .
but I can also understand your point of view as I feel I always need to tidy up before anyway if a cleaner comes to mine a si feel I will be judged .
I ended up stoping so no longer have one . But often regret it

Mfsf · 21/08/2022 08:36

And wow people really her posts , OP is a woman and she just had a baby ! She probably cannot do much more herself.

Redshell1976 · 21/08/2022 08:46

If you can afford it, why not? It makes life a lot easier and then your wife can focus on taking care of herself and baby.

anglesee · 21/08/2022 08:52

Hi OP

Congratulations on the baby

Do yourself a favour and allow outside help. You will v quickly get over the stranger in the house thing

I love coming back from a holiday and the cleaners been in and made it nice for
Our return

Give it a try for 2 months

Iliketeaagain · 21/08/2022 08:56

Neither of you are unreasonable.

What I would say is that I have a cleaner and it's the one cost that I would avoid cutting over everything.

I'm wondering if a compromise would work - cleaner doesn't do your bedroom for example, but does all the bathrooms, hoovers / mops and dusts the other rooms.

I found that it made a difference that a cleaner just had to focus on cleaning rather than us trying to clean around the kids, it makes our life easier. Of course we both clean / wipe surfaces between visits, but it's great that the bathrooms, kitchen floors etc get a proper clean every week.

Kassiopeia · 21/08/2022 09:00

Hire the cleaner, get to know him/her then you won't have a stranger in your house.

Anything that makes life easier with a new baby is worth it.

SoftSheen · 21/08/2022 09:09

Most people on maternity leave don't have a cleaner, however plenty would like to have one they could afford it.

If you can afford a cleaner, but don't want one, then I think you need to up your contribution to the housework whilst the baby is small.

Your partner should definitely be able to do a bit of basic housework though, just like most other people.

Gingernan · 21/08/2022 18:20

If you can afford it,why not? I'm a cleaner so is my partner. We're nice people happy to work hard , and not steal the silver or anything.We don't have time to snoop etc.
She might even benefit from someone to have a cuppa with It's a bit isolating being a new parent.

Lovelycheesegromit · 21/08/2022 18:23

My Dh also doesn’t like having a stranger in the house so he does the cleaning himself. If you aren’t willing then YADBU

TarasHarp55 · 21/08/2022 18:31

Going by some responses on here ...so if the husband didn't go in to work because "he doesn't want to" would that be ok?

FloydPepper · 21/08/2022 18:33

wow

so many people not reading the thread or seemingly even the OPs posts and are berating a new mum in the mistaken view they’re a nasty lazy man. Then, unsurprisingly, once they realise, silence

HotCaterpillar · 21/08/2022 18:43

Yanbu don't get a cleaner if you don't want to. Dw should do her share of cleaning unless she is lazy

TarasHarp55 · 21/08/2022 20:19

The Op has said he does half the housework and now he's going back to work. But people think he should do all the housework as well as work. Hmm

Leafy3 · 21/08/2022 20:20

She.

The op is a she.

Vikinga · 21/08/2022 20:24

This is bs. And deliberately misleading. Hope you got your kicks out of this but either way, if your wife is at home looking after a baby, whether she's given birth or not, it is full on. Get a cleaner or clean yourself if you're uncomfortable. I've given birth 4 times including 1 c-section. Physical recovery was very quick but juggling baby and everything else was what was hard.

If you can afford it then get a cleaner. Enjoy your child . Even with a cleaner there is still a lot to do but it means there is an extra pair of focused hands deep cleaning and you and your wife can keep on top of it a lot easier.

Zone2NorthLondon · 21/08/2022 20:24

TarasHarp55 · 21/08/2022 20:19

The Op has said he does half the housework and now he's going back to work. But people think he should do all the housework as well as work. Hmm

The op is a woman and she’s returning to work after the birth birth

Lovelycheesegromit · 21/08/2022 20:35

Ok so let me get this straight. You have given birth and you’re returning to work. Your dw will be at home looking after the baby. So I think yes unless you’re happy to do the cleaning you need to cut dw some slack as looking after a newborn is hard work, obv it is harder if you’ve given birth and are trying to recover and bond but it is hard work either way -when I was looking after my nephew I actually found it harder than looking after my own, my theory is I didn’t have the hormones that make me want to keep the baby alive so it felt more like a chore to me. Everyone is different. If you can afford cleaner you should listen to dw and do it.