‘But there’s no toilet roll’

[Whatcanbe3characters]

Dh has just pissed me off.
Currently a sahm (worked full time for 17 years before having Dd)
Sat down eating dinner and Dh asks what we’ve done today…often says this and asked if we’ve been anywhere, with a look on his face as though I should’ve gone out. say no and that we don’t go out everyday, he gives a funny look and says ‘But there’s no toilet paper?’ I say, yes dd just finished the last of it before..and. He looks v clearly at me as though ‘Well shouldn’t you have gone out to the shop then’ type face.
Dd, 4, is a handful at the moment (as he’s well aware) it often takes me ages to get her ready to go out, we were out last night at a fair so she was tired, I was doing washing and making dinner for everyone when the toilet paper ran out,
Yes I’m usually on top of things and would’ve gone and got it..today I didn’t.
Also, yes, sometimes we stay in, I have jobs to do, Dd plays etc etc
Aibu to feel pissed off that I’m expected to act like some bloody stepford wife and immediately jump into action when required?

Oh give over. Shit happens. Its really not that dramatic.

@BitossiBlues Because that’s the way it feels, no respect unless you go out to work.

But it didn’t just go down from 12 full rolls to nothing in 10 mins did it? Like you’ve seen for the last few days that it was low. Why not tie it in with one of the other trips out you’ve done? We don’t go out every day so you’re not unreasonable on that front, but if I noticed we were low on stuff I’d tie it in to a day when we were out or I’d make a note in my head to go out in the next X days before it did actually run out. I know you say getting her out of the house at the moment is hard, but it’s not like you’ve been holed up over the last several days unable to leave because of illness/tiredness/whatever. You’ve been out, you just didn’t go to the shops too for some reason I can’t quite fathom.

he’s being a knob expecting you to clock in and out like some sort of weird shift supervisor though.

@NoParticularPattern Because I forgot!!! I went to the shops, probably most days…I forgot toilet roll!!! I remembered everything else, I just simply forgot..once, I just forgot.

^ This is what I came here to say. Go in your car. Take ages. Leave him to do bath/bedtime.

In the old days you'd have had a few newspapers lying around.

@LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL my question about speaking to your friends related to whether you would react with such incredulity and unkindness if one of them found parenting their 4yo difficult or struggled to pop out of the house?

I'm ducking out of engaging with you now .

Op it sounds like you keep all the balls in the air.
So you dropped one so what. None of us are perfect and I wonder if all those having forty fits at you for daring to run out of loo roll have never dropped one of their balls. Must be lovely to be perfect. Tbh I think you have a DH problem.

I can't believe anyone is trying to tell you that you should have forseen the toilet roll running out and dealt with it already. You could have, so could dh. Usually toilet roll lasts til the next shop occasionally it doesn't. Absolutely not your sole responsibility and dh should not have patronised/criticised you.

Hope dd is feeling better soon. Perhaps try and carve out some time to yourself at the weekend for a break if possible.

I think the difficulty I’d have in his position isn’t that you forgot/dropped the ball - everyone does that occasionally and I bet he’s done it at work many times. It’s the defensive reaction of saying it never was your ball in the first place when, unless you’re about to drip feed your “challenging” child is actually severely autistic or something, most people would think that grocery shopping and managing the household absolutely was your ball.

Was being a SAHM your idea or his?

Wow. I thought that running out of stuff was normal!

Sometimes I go to the shops and come back without the item that I went for.

Sometimes I forget to get something for several days in a row.

We get by.

But OP says she does everything

Her DH presumably gets two days off a week.

He can pick up some toilet paper.

That's hardly a unique attitude - the entire liberal feminist movement feels the same way.

But that doesn't answer why your workload would be doubled. When you go back to work, your H needs to step up and do half the domestic load. If he doesn't, don't be a martyr. Don't do his washing, don't shop and cook for him, don't sort out his admin and don't buy his bloody toilet roll!

What did the DH actually say that was wrong?

He asked what they'd done today? State they'd got no toilet roll, true. Normal I think?

You really think that the conversation outlined in the OP was a good way to approach it?!

@fufflecake he says two things as I've stated!

The other things were looks that OP interpreted what he was thinking.

I don't think people are being critical about the fact that they ran out of toilet roll, more the excuse that the OP couldn't possibly have left the house with one difficult four year old. Anyway sounds like the OP is planning to go back to work soon so her husband will have to take on half the domestic load.

I say all the following as a stay at home mother for many years.

Surely if you're a stay at home parent, your "job" is to take care of your child while your spouse is at work, and take care of the majority of tasks (such as grocery shopping) and admin around the home. That's the division of labor that is implied in this situation. You should both be making each others lives easier. It has nothing to do with the gender of either party.

If I was working and my spouse was a stay at home parent, I would be grateful that some of the burden of the household organization wasn't on my shoulders. I wouldn't think about whether we needed to stock up on toilet paper, because I would trust my spouse to be on top of it. If I got home and there was no toilet paper and my spouse told me our daughter had just used the last of it I would be mystified, like your husband was too. I would have wondered how it got to that point and why toilet paper hadn't been on the shopping list days ago. I would also have wondered, given the urgency of the situation, why my spouse hadn't texted me asking me to pick some up on the way home.

So, yes, you are being very unreasonable. And how did it get to the point where your two choices were either to go out to the shop that day or run out of toilet paper? Why hadn't either of you purchased any in the preceding week or so? In my household I'm the one that keeps a shopping list on my phone because I do the majority of the grocery shopping. When we're getting down to our last couple of rolls of toilet paper I add it to my shopping list. (When my husband notices we're running low he'll mention it to me so I can add it to the list.) If my husband goes to the grocery store he'll ask if there's anything we need. I'll tell him toilet paper if it's on my list. It works well for us and it's not rocket science.

I think people are being judgy on this thread. You've clearly had a lot on and if he wants loo roll he can go and get it himself, no need for his attitude he should be more supportive.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4549446-but-i-go-to-work-all-day

Here you go OP, someone in the exact same circumstances as you, lots of good advice which I'm sure you will try to take on board, not like the OP of that thread who is no doubt still in the same rut they were in when they wrote it!!

@Cyw2018 You’re right, that was my post, I’d forgotten…and you feel gleeful because…?

Lol! Doing the weekly shop and actually buying items you need isn’t ‘stepford wife’ territory!
I went back to work when DD was 4 (she’s now 16) and continued doing the shopping, cooking cleaning, washing, school runs, play dates etc etc, and you know what? We never ran out of toilet paper. Nor did we in the 4 years I was a sahm.

yes, YABU, you’ve had to days to replace the loo roll

Is this even a real post??

I don't know how people live like this, I mean obviously, everyone should do what suits them, but I'm nervous if we're down to the last pack, let alone the last roll and having plenty in reserve does take some stress out of life

That doesn't mean it was down to you though, he must have known it was running low too.

Fwiw in challenging times with behaviour, I found it much easier to be out than in, so a walk to the shop might have been helpful.

@Whatcanbe3characters its not about loo roll, it’s about feeling respected and not like the hired help!
It’s ok to pootle the day away, your not on anyone else’s clock.

Sod the loo roll, if it makes you feel any better I order 72 at a time from Amazon… my last delivery went to my poor neighbour 😳.

If I got home and there was no toilet paper and my spouse told me our daughter had just used the last of it I would be mystified, like your husband was too. I would have wondered how it got to that point and why toilet paper hadn't been on the shopping list days ago. I would also have wondered, given the urgency of the situation, why my spouse hadn't texted me asking me to pick some up on the way home.

A voice of reason.