‘But there’s no toilet roll’

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Dh has just pissed me off.
Currently a sahm (worked full time for 17 years before having Dd)
Sat down eating dinner and Dh asks what we’ve done today…often says this and asked if we’ve been anywhere, with a look on his face as though I should’ve gone out. say no and that we don’t go out everyday, he gives a funny look and says ‘But there’s no toilet paper?’ I say, yes dd just finished the last of it before..and. He looks v clearly at me as though ‘Well shouldn’t you have gone out to the shop then’ type face.
Dd, 4, is a handful at the moment (as he’s well aware) it often takes me ages to get her ready to go out, we were out last night at a fair so she was tired, I was doing washing and making dinner for everyone when the toilet paper ran out,
Yes I’m usually on top of things and would’ve gone and got it..today I didn’t.
Also, yes, sometimes we stay in, I have jobs to do, Dd plays etc etc
Aibu to feel pissed off that I’m expected to act like some bloody stepford wife and immediately jump into action when required?

Ridiculous. Tescos Delivery. No need to run out of basics. Get organised!

I think it sounds like you could do with some ‘me’ time to pursue your own interests. Toilet paper aside - do you manage to find time for yourself? To visit friends, go out and enjoy yourself? Everyone needs this x

@Innocuousname has it spot on. He's demanding that she accounts for all her time at home. I would guess that he's resentful of having to work while OP is "at home all day, drinking coffee". Or some such nonsense.

Well, op was there, and even she says he just pointed out there was no loo roll.

Loo roll is so essential that it’s unreasonable to get to the point where you run out and it’s empty with none in the house. Buy more when the last roll goes on the holder. I do think YABU to not be employed or ill and still not manage to get any even after you were down to the last few sheets.

My DH used to do that “What have you been doing all day?” when I was at home all day with an infant, the obvious suggestion being that I’d been doing nothing. It made me feel like murdering him. It’s an unsympathetic, knobbish approach. I’m a total shambles, but I never run out of loo roll. When I buy it (in large amounts) I pack most of it away in its proper place, but then I stash several extra ones in a few secret locations. Basically, there’s back up loo roll under every bed.

People are being unnecessarily nasty. You ran out of loo roll, you’re hardly the first person that’s ever happened to! Your DH was being passive aggressive to ask where you’d been and why you hadn’t been out instead of just asking ‘is there any more loo roll? outright.

OP it sounds like things are really tough right now. My dd was really challenging too when she was that age, there were definitely many days when I couldn't face taking her out anywhere. Do you have any support? Anyway for you to get a break sometime? Does she go to nursery. Your DH doesn't sound very supportive

@ngonizashe No

@Johnnysgirl I’m ignoring all comments as it’s plainly obvious you’re just wanting to be deliberately cruel

@LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Before all your shocked disbelieving comments, read through all my comments, if you would. It isn’t easy to get Dd out at the moment at all.

He must have noticed before, why didn’t he pick some up on his way from home or lunch break where, presumably, he wasn’t looking after a young child whilst trying to complete other household chores? Also, he just needed to come and say it all the looks would annoy me. It ran out whilst you were making dinner with a 4 yo - not easy for you to pop out at all.

I see I’m in minority, mumsnet is weird tonight OP.

@LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL if you really can't see how hard this can be then fair enough. But in the interests of recognising everyone is different you could accept the OP at her word when she says it is difficult for her- as opposed to refusing to countenance that some of us find elements of parenting challenging.

Do you speak with your friends like this too?

I've read through your comments, but sorry she's 4, you're the parent and decide what happens.

You mention no SEN, so I assume her being difficult is her being 4?

@PrivateHall Thanks for understanding 🙏
She was great until she got ill and we have good days and *Really bad days…Dh knows this as witnesses it at bedtime and weekends too.
She starts school in September…but then I’ll likely return to work…and do double the load..at least I won’t get spoken to as I did today..as I’ll be seen to be earning my keep as it were.

This whole thread all sounds very familiar OP.

Posting about your husband being mildly annoyed about something you've forgotten to do that you could reasonably be expected to as a SAHM. You declaring that you're normally totally on the ball, unable to take any advice regarding organisational skills and getting upset with anyone not taking your side. A vaguely ill 4 yo but nothing seemingly specific. Aren't you meant to be returning to work soon OP, after the summer?

So OP could do online shopping? So easily solved?

Do I speak to my friends like this? No they don't have the same issues and then blame their OH because he uses "too much" loo roll, she's irritated that he monitors her, but she also seems to monitor him?

@LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL give it a rest. OP says she’s been having a hard time, why are you determined to make her feel worse and invalidate her feelings? I swear some people just come to AIBU to have a go at random strangers to make themselves feel superior.

Agreed, give it a rest @LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL .

Being a SAHM doesn’t mean you have to do everything.

@Cyw2018 I’ve not posted about this before or anything like it

I am not trying to be deliberately cruel at all, op.
I had three under 5 and I simply can't relate.

🤣🤣🤣

@Johnnysgirl Ok 👍
We’re all different though, right? We all have different circumstances, different people and problems in our lives, right? Just because something was/is a certain way for you, doesn’t mean it is for others.

When did you and your DH do your last performance appraisal, review KPIs, etc? Was stock management discussed as one of your wifely duties? Did you give him 360 degree feedback on his performance in the role of Manly Provider?

Tongue in cheek but does he think he's your boss or something?

I've got loo roll on a subscription with Amazon and about 50 rolls appear on our doorstep 3 times a year. DH was amused by my stockpiling. Then covid and the great loo roll shortage of March 2020 hit and who had loads? We did. Then he was grateful!

No it doesn't but if you work a system as a couple where each person takes on certain responsibilitis, it can be reasonably expected that you fulfill those responsibilites, and as a SAHP of a 4yo (not a baby) presuambly most of the day to day house/family admin including stock checking and purchasing toilet roll will fall on to the SAHP.

Online shopping.... problem solved.

Why will you do double the load when you return to work? You need to sit down with your H and divvy up the household work, admin and childcare equally. Don't be a martyr. I thought you said you would be the higher earner if you were working. Why are you acting like you would be a accountable to him for "earning your keep" when you are the main breadwinner? Your relationship sounds a bit shit (no pun intended).

Duno why most people are being dicks, these things happen.