...to insist on getting a family pet if my husband doesn’t want one?

[Pickmeup78]

I always wanted a cat growing up, but my parents didn’t allow it. Now I’m an adult with 2 children (7 and 9), who would both love to have a cat and so do I. We live in a house with garden, in a green London neighbourhood and I work from home so would have plenty of time to look after a cat.

However. My husband (who did grow up with cats) doesn’t want one. He thinks they smell, especially their litter tray, and he’s against all the meat that goes into cat food production - so he’s against it from a personal and an environmental perspective.

We’ve had several discussions about adopting a cat in the past, and I’ve always given up arguing my points (ie. always wanted a cat myself, would be lovely for the kids to have one) just to keep the peace.

But now, with so many unwanted cats up for adoption in our local cat shelter, I feel like I just want to go for it. I’ve signed up with the shelter, and made an appointment for a pre-adoption meeting.

I would obvs discuss it again with husband before actually getting it, but am thinking about putting everything in place and finding a suitable cat at the shelter beforehand. I expect that we‘ll have a big row, he will be in a massive a huff, I will plead that I will take full responsibility for the cat, and he will finally give in - very reluctantly so.

Am I being unreasonable to push this through and finally get a furry friend? Or am I out of order?

It's disgraceful to consider doing this. You can't being a living creature into a home if your husband has expressly said no. How would you feel if it was the other way round? Mumsnet would be in uproar if he brought a pet home when you said no!

What if OP's DH said that he wanted his mother to move in with them? And OP didn't want that for her life, but the DC did? So would it be ok for the DH to just move the MIL in?

Honestly, I can't believe some people have such disrespect for their partners that they would think they had the right to bring a creature/child/ MIL into the home without getting the agreement of the other adult.

Pets, children, live in family members, require significant time and expense and sacrifice. It's not like getting a new cushion. Both adults have to agree.

going against the grain here but I think your husband is the unreasonable one. Why is his opinion more important than everyone else’s?
as long as you don’t expect him to care/pay for the cat’s needs, I don’t see the issue. It’s going to eat meat wherever it lives.
litter trays don’t smell if they’re kept clean 🤷‍♀️

Of course the pet mad contingent on MN think that this is perfectly fine. 🙄

When it comes to bringing another living creature into your home if anyone who is already resident disagrees with it then they are the one who gets the casting vote as not having an animal changes nothing about the living arrangements but introducing one does, and nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable in their own home because someone else wants to add an animal.

I have cats, I love cats; I have a dog, I love dogs; I have a DD, I love kids but I also acknowledge that all of these things require time, money, space and disruption and if I didn't think I could manage that responsibility for 16+ years then I would not have had any of them. Even with that knowledge, and love for all of them, they cause all sorts of issues when you live with them 24/7/365 - the care, the cost, the damage they cause (my cats have ruined sofas because they've scratched them up - even with covers on them there have been times when they've dug their claws in and pulled the threads on the cushions etc and while it is unintentional, as opposed to deliberately using them as scratch posts, its still damage) the extra admin, the constant battle with hairs and dander (literally everything I own has cat hairs on because it's impossible to eliminate them all from the entire house) - and even I have times when I wish I could just have a day in my own house with zero animals and children to just relax without them or any of their associated responsibility.

I agree, but for a different reason. Everyone has jumped on the cat bit, but overlooked when OP said:

He is very used to things going his way, and reacts really strongly to everything I suggest that is not his ‘thing’ e.g. cooking something that’s not what he likes even if I love it, watching I film that I’ve chosen that he’s not sure about (will make me turn it off even!)

That is far more alarming to me than someone wanting a cat.

The biggest killer of wildlife in the country and the world is humans. Cats don't even come close so a weird thing to say. Unless you also think people who have children are being unreasonable.

But she's not going to solve her issues with her husband by getting a cat when he doesn't want one. It's a worry but OP isn't here to discuss that.

melj1213 · Today 12:31
MrsSkylerWhite · Today 09:59
going against the grain here but I think your husband is the unreasonable one. Why is his opinion more important than everyone else’s?
as long as you don’t expect him to care/pay for the cat’s needs, I don’t see the issue. It’s going to eat meat wherever it lives.

litter trays don’t smell if they’re kept clean 🤷‍♀️
When it comes to bringing another living creature into your home if anyone who is already resident disagrees with it then they are the one who gets the casting vote as not having an animal changes nothing about the living arrangements but introducing one does, and nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable in their own home because someone else wants to add an animal.

I have cats, I love cats; I have a dog, I love dogs; I have a DD, I love kids but I also acknowledge that all of these things require time, money, space and disruption and if I didn't think I could manage that responsibility for 16+ years then I would not have had any of them. Even with that knowledge, and love for all of them, they cause all sorts of issues when you live with them 24/7/365 - the care, the cost, the damage they cause (my cats have ruined sofas because they've scratched them up - even with covers on them there have been times when they've dug their claws in and pulled the threads on the cushions etc and while it is unintentional, as opposed to deliberately using them as scratch posts, its still damage) the extra admin, the constant battle with hairs and dander (literally everything I own has cat hairs on because it's impossible to eliminate them all from the entire house) - and even I have times when I wish I could just have a day in my own house with zero animals and children to just relax without them or any of their associated responsibility“

fair enough, melj. Hasn’t worked out that way in our house, though. 18, years ago, after the kids had begged for as long as I could remember, my anti-dog husband agreed to a “small dog that he didn't have to have anything to do with”.

three years ago, he was crying his eyes out as we had to take her to the vets and say goodbye.

he was equally reluctant when we took our three (yes, three 🤣) rescue cats on two years ago. We already had one and he thought he (the cat) would hate them and leave home. Again, two years later, he’s the one standing at the back door every night calling “the girls” in. (And our boy is, two years in, delighted to have them. He frets if they stay out at night)

Sometimes, people need to be shown the way.

@aibu I definitely am on the same boat. Grew up with animals and was told by my parents ‘buy/ adopt a cat when you live in your own home) now with two children and a lovely home, I am almost desperate to have a kitten to join our family. My husband will not accept this. My question is why does he get to decide? His way or no way? He’s at home 90% of the time due to work 🙄

My question is why does he get to decide? His way or no way? He’s at home 90% of the time due to work 🙄
but if he’s at home more of the time he’s the one responsible for it surely? The person who doesn’t want to have a pet has to trump the one who does because a pet needs everyone in the house to live him or her (just my opinion!)

Zombie thread

Did the OP get the cat?

Not yet!!!

It is one of those shared decisions, to be fair.

What about a feral cat in an outbuilding?

Sorry to all you MNers, but a house isn't a home without a cat or two.

I would point out that it's 3 against 1.

I'm afraid that I would just go ahead and get oe, knowing that he will live it once it's there.

Get a cat flap and teach it to toilet outside once it's settled and knows where it lives. As you've never had a cat before, make sure you know how to look after it so he doesn't have to get involved in the early days.

Actually, get ferrets. They're fab, can live in an outbuilding and are great fun! I had a friend who kept one and carried it everywhere in his pocket, petted it like a cat. It was a wonderful creature, very tame and shat in a tray like a cat.

I think it would be wrong to push someone into getting a pet they actively don’t want.

Are there any animals you dislike being around? What if he just decided you were getting a case full of beetles (my personal hell, but feel free to insert your own).

Or if there’s no animals that bother you, what if he painted your living room a colour you hate? Bought a load of room fragrances in a scent that you despise? Made any unilateral decision on something that would deeply affect your enjoyment of your own house?

If you have other problems, definitely deal with them. But you can’t force a cat on someone.