...to insist on getting a family pet if my husband doesn’t want one?

[Pickmeup78]

I always wanted a cat growing up, but my parents didn’t allow it. Now I’m an adult with 2 children (7 and 9), who would both love to have a cat and so do I. We live in a house with garden, in a green London neighbourhood and I work from home so would have plenty of time to look after a cat.

However. My husband (who did grow up with cats) doesn’t want one. He thinks they smell, especially their litter tray, and he’s against all the meat that goes into cat food production - so he’s against it from a personal and an environmental perspective.

We’ve had several discussions about adopting a cat in the past, and I’ve always given up arguing my points (ie. always wanted a cat myself, would be lovely for the kids to have one) just to keep the peace.

But now, with so many unwanted cats up for adoption in our local cat shelter, I feel like I just want to go for it. I’ve signed up with the shelter, and made an appointment for a pre-adoption meeting.

I would obvs discuss it again with husband before actually getting it, but am thinking about putting everything in place and finding a suitable cat at the shelter beforehand. I expect that we‘ll have a big row, he will be in a massive a huff, I will plead that I will take full responsibility for the cat, and he will finally give in - very reluctantly so.

Am I being unreasonable to push this through and finally get a furry friend? Or am I out of order?

Some cats are perfectly happy as indoor cats?

Could you foster one to see how you all get on? Otherwise, I think it's a case of whoever doesn't want one trumps those that do.

Humans have been keeping domesticated cats for hundreds of years. They are not responsible for the modern decline in wildlife, human activity is the cause.

Yes that's how I see it. Same with children - the person who doesn't want a child always trumps the one who does.
I know it doesn't feel very fair.

None of our cats had a litter tray. They had a catflap and went outside to do their business.

Pet food just uses up the waste meat that would be unfit for human consumption.

Yep! If the kids want a pet, so do you, it's hardly fair for his veto to trump everything.

Cats are pretty low maintenance overall, if you keep them indoors they'll be very clean (although for adopting it might be tricky as they only want outdoor options and experienced owners).

Have you considered a house rabbit?

They don't eat meat.

They don't smell. Cats I find have really bad odours no matter how clean your house is and no matter how often you change the litter box.

My house rabbit uses a litter box like a cat but it doesn't stink.

You can have an outdoor run and hutch so if you need to you can pop them outside for a few hours.

You can leave them overnight with just a huge pile of hay if needs be.

They obviously stay indoors and in the yard so no chance of them running away, being hit by a car, attacked by a dog etc etc.

There's lots and lots of rabbits that need adoption at shelters and they really do make wonderful pets. Mine surprised me as I'd never had one before, they are extremely funny, loving animals when kept indoors as part of the family.



Oops. Sorry

A cat is waaaaaaay easier to look after than a rabbit. People suggesting rabbits really have no idea how low maintenance cats are.

LTB

This. And why does the all mighty husband get the final say?

I love cats and have three. I’ve always had them. If my husband refused to let me have any I’d divorce him. Life is too short not to have what you want, and believe me, my husband gets whatever he wants.

You get ONE life OP. You have to live it. Your husband is being unreasonable.

I'd get one but then I wouldn't be with someone who told me I couldn't, I'm not a child and don't need to ask permission to get a pet.
As long as you're the one who feeds and finances it and don't expect your dh to be anything other than indifferent to the cat then yeah get one.
Do remember though you're committing to a possible 15+ years of being restricted by pet ownership which includes sorting out care for your cat when you go away on holiday.

It's is totally unreasonable to get a pet that half the adults in the house don't want. Really, really wrong.

you wouldn't be at all unreasonable to ditch the DH and then get a cat though (though a dog would do less harm to the local wild bird population). 🙂

Just get the cat OP, he’ll come round to the idea. I’ve had 3 cats over my life and never had a litter tray in the house. Out of all the pets I’ve had cats are the easiest (but dogs are the most rewarding in my opinion).

I love cats but if my partner didn't want one I'd have to respect that.

What if the DH and children all wanted to put a large pool table in the sitting room but the OP didn't. Would their needs mean more than the OPs?

The fostering one is a good idea, a trial which hopefully he'll agree to. But you shouldn't force people to live with pets if they don't want to.

I foster for my local rescue. It’s really not about try before you buy. The rescue don’t want fosterers to adopt, they want them to keep fostering.

It’s about taking in a cat for an unspecified amount of time - my current boy, an ex-stray, had a home lined up but they changed their minds - getting to know them & helping them feel safe & secure living in a home with people. Then when they do get adopted, you’ll have a lot of useful info for the new family.

Foster cats aren’t allowed outside, so they need a litter tray and entertainment, & they may well be very nervous. After 2 months my boy’s just getting comfortable with me picking him up briefly for a cuddle.

Is this really what you have in mind?

Could you do short term fostering and see how he gets on?

@OperaStation they don't, actually. The wildlife here is accustomed to cats so they aren't a big problem. If you keep your cat in at night and/or put a colorful bib on it that helps too.

Why on earth would the wishes of the children override a parent? What the hell?
It's not a democracy with young kids and they won't be the ones dealing with the practical and financial implications of owning a cat. The DH certainly would be, even if OP promised the animal would have zero Impact on any aspect if his life. It will. So he gets to say "no" and anyone with any sort of vague respect would accept that.

If my husband had his way we would have no cats or dogs.
He grew up with dogs that only lived outside, so he’s not fussed about having them or not.

we have 3 cats and 8 dogs…..

I did. But I got a massive, hairy Labrador. I take full responsibility for said Lab- DH came around I the end. However DH has a hobby that means we do a lot less than we would if not for the hobby, it’s expensive and he’s often away as a result.

Do you have no imagination?

What’s your stance on secretly stopping taking contraception because you want a baby? Or buying a new car on finance without discussion even knowing it would make things really financially difficult? What if the husband says I don’t like cats but I LOVE horses and then goes and buys one that no one else is big enough to handle?

I mean seriously. I get you’re passionate about cats but you’re basically saying it’s only my wants that get to overrule everyone else.

I think animal people really struggle to under that not everyone shares their inclinations.

Seriously, bog off with this hyperbole. Cats are not responsible for devastating all wildlife in this country.

Firstly, what do you class as wildlife? I can’t recall any news reports of cats decimating deer, badgers, foxes, etc.

If you’re going to make a “statement” then at least make sure that the statement is correct.

I can confidently assure you that the local sparrow hawks are far more successful than my cat.