...to insist on getting a family pet if my husband doesn’t want one?

[Pickmeup78]

I always wanted a cat growing up, but my parents didn’t allow it. Now I’m an adult with 2 children (7 and 9), who would both love to have a cat and so do I. We live in a house with garden, in a green London neighbourhood and I work from home so would have plenty of time to look after a cat.

However. My husband (who did grow up with cats) doesn’t want one. He thinks they smell, especially their litter tray, and he’s against all the meat that goes into cat food production - so he’s against it from a personal and an environmental perspective.

We’ve had several discussions about adopting a cat in the past, and I’ve always given up arguing my points (ie. always wanted a cat myself, would be lovely for the kids to have one) just to keep the peace.

But now, with so many unwanted cats up for adoption in our local cat shelter, I feel like I just want to go for it. I’ve signed up with the shelter, and made an appointment for a pre-adoption meeting.

I would obvs discuss it again with husband before actually getting it, but am thinking about putting everything in place and finding a suitable cat at the shelter beforehand. I expect that we‘ll have a big row, he will be in a massive a huff, I will plead that I will take full responsibility for the cat, and he will finally give in - very reluctantly so.

Am I being unreasonable to push this through and finally get a furry friend? Or am I out of order?

Really depends how much he doesn't want one. I grew up with dogs and have wanted one for several years. My husband finally relented to me and the children. He does like the dog but it has been really hard going. She still does a lot of things that can be annoying and whilst I deal with it as I wanted a dog my husband finds it really hard. He totally accepts that he agreed but there has been and no doubt will be some really tense conversations. We have had quite a lot of other stresses thrown in to the mix recently and I have to admit had I known how much of an issue it would cause I wouldn't have done it. She is part of the family now and we would never get rid of her but if I could do it over I wouldn't have pushed the issue as I did.

We (DD and I) had many guinea-pigs over the years , DH wasn't keen but he would help out with cleaning etc if either DD or I weren't able . He also picked up food "I bought some veg for the pigs"

He really wanted a cat (we had one years ago) .
Once the last old guinea-pig died (we had three oldies who went to The Bridge over a few months ) we looked for cats .

If someone really didn't like the guinea pigs , I could keep them away , no harm done .

But cats are in there . Literally . FemaleCat is between DH and his screen right now
They have a 6th sense and will make a bee-line for the haters .

We have adult DC and it was only fair that we all wanted the cats .
Ironically , I was the one who was tasked with choosing our cats ...........and they do not even look twice at me - personna non grata

Our cats are here for the long haul , they have a great life , a microchip catflap , garden , well fed . DH WFH .

If you take a cat from Rescue (and yes there a 1000s ) consider the confusion and hurt if you have to return them. Our boy cannot cope if a plumber visits . Sending him back would destroy him.

And - they do need a litter tray ( or 2)
Mine come in to pee/pooh . I know my cats aren't out shitting in NDN garden.

Invent an infestation of mice. We've not had a problem since getting ours and it's been about 13 years now.

seriously though, you do all need to be on board with a family pet. Provided you ensure the litter tray is cleared regularly, smells shouldn't be a problem and you might not get a Hunter. Only my current cats have been persistent Hunters.

I think the person who doesn't want one does get a veto in this scenario so I disagree with those who are asking why his wishes trump those of you and your children.
My dh grew up with dogs and always had one. Everyone else in his family still does. I don't really like dogs. He and my children would love to have a dog and have asked many times over many years.
But I don't want one. I've thought and considered but ultimately I think my life would be worse with a dog in it so I've said no.
They respect that decision and I think you should respect his...

I would absolutely hate to have someone force me to live with a cat. I don't like them I don't like them near me & I know I wouldn't grow to love it. That would be a deal breaker for me

The first smell objection is a nonsense. Modern clumping litter and hooded trays plus scooping it out twice daily mean that doesn’t happen.
meat production for cat food - feed raw. Many vets recommend it now.
Stated objections overruled. Get the cat (bloody cat will adore him and sit with him and they’ll end up loving each other)

Not just putting the foot down and insisting, but covertly completing the entire process from searching, selecting, paperwork, getting approval and THEN using all of that as a manipulation tactic to get agreement.

On reading your second post OP, he sounds very controlling and tbh why should he have the final say over 3 other ppl in the house?
Makes you turn off a movie he doesn't like? he sounds insufferable.

I love cats and cant imagine a home without them. But presumably you got with him with it known that he is not keen on pets.My partner feels the same as me. I think he might want a dog in future but I wont have another dog and I wouldnt expect him to rock up with a dog for our home,, that would be an absolute no and hugely disrespectful of me.

The current status quo would be changed and you're wanting the change, so its not fair to make that change if he doesnt want it.

As for people using terminology like 'the children will be angry' and 'its 3-1', they should be ashamed of themselves for using such combative and hostile language.

Rabbits are MUCH harder work than a cat(& shed need two!)her children are too young for a hamster too.

You've got bigger issues than the cat...

We currently have a dog. It was there already when I got with DP. I do love him but dogs are hard work. I'd rather have a cat.

We had spoken about the possibility of getting another dog when this one dies. I know DP wants this.

I mentioned wanting a cat and he said no.

So I said well, dogs aren't allowed on the future either then.

He said I'm cutting my nose off. I am, and I don't give a fuck.

When it comes to something Alive - be that a baby or a cat - it's the one negative one positive makes a no from me.

Kids don't count - they'll promise the earth and do v little.

Sorry.

You could try saying you were desperate for another dc and make out like you are broody, hopefully he tries to talk you out of it and you compromise on a cat?

I made it clear to my DH that pets were non negotiable for me and we have one rescue cat who annoyingly loves DH way more than me, but she was very wanted by both of us.

A cat isn’t the same as a baby in that the DH will have sleepless nights and it will cost thousands so I don’t think it’s fair he rules having one out for the rest of your lives and you may as well get one now whilst the dc are there.

He sounds quite unreasonable generally, but on this I think it's too life changing to force it on someone. It's more than a meal or a film - you should be tackling those things more.

I am not a pets person and I will never ever agree to having one, at least until I retire. DH had a dog when we met which I tolerated and cared for but I resented the mess and commitment every single day. It was my choice to get over it but it has not changed my view or 'win me over'.

YABVU. Of course his wants trump everyone else’s here.

The one who doesn’t want a baby/pet/other life changing thing always trumps.

If you did that to me I’d take it right back to the home.

He is very used to things going his way, and reacts really strongly to everything I suggest that is not his ‘thing’ e.g. cooking something that’s not what he likes even if I love it, watching I film that I’ve chosen that he’s not sure about (will make me turn it off even!)

Bloody hell!

Dump the husband & get a cat.

My ex did this, so I got rid of him and got my cat.

Well I also think you have far bigger problems than the cat that need to get sorted first.

However, just in terms of the cat you are definitely being unreasonable. You can't bring a living thing into your home unless you both agree, it's just not fair even on the animal. Children don't count, they are rarely the ones who look after it despite whatever promises they make.

We don't have pets. One of my sons and DH would have loved a dog or cat but it's never going to happen. I am absolutely not prepared to do a single thing that an animal might need if they weren't available to do it. And since their idea of a pet is a 'family' responsibility - which basically means they still go and do their stuff because I would be here - it's never going to happen. DS can have as many pets as he likes when he gets his own home and DH is welcome to move out if he wants a dog more than he wants me.

If he did what you are suggesting I would divorce him. That's how strongly I'm feel about it.

I would hate to live in such a controlling miserable environment.

Get rid and enjoy the cat 🙂

Have you considered a rabbit? They are not an easy keep - they need love and care just as much as a cat or dog but are gorgeous little hay munchers and very clean.

I’d divorce my husband if he got a cat when I didn’t want one. Sorry but it’s not fair to get one when one person doesn’t want one.

Kids don't get a vote on pets though because they a) aren't paying for vet bills/food etc b) aren't organising and paying for sitters/walkers/generally managing a schedule which means that last-minute get away is impossible because there's no-one to feed/walk the dog/cat and c) are generally useless at picking/scooping up poo and generally following through on their promises.

I mean, my DNiece wants a unicorn, doesn't mean we should get her one for Christmas.

So it's one to one and unfortunately the person that doesn't want one gets the veto.

And yes, he does sound controlling by the way - but this isn't the way to get around that.

I think it’s unfair that your husband won’t let you or his kids have a v low maintenance pet, especially knowing that you’d do all the work anyway! I think you should make serious moves towards getting a cat and have another discussion with him. Especially given fact that a rescue cat is hardly adding to environmental burden of world as it will exist, eating meat, whether or not you have it. Although flatter faced but still healthy breeds like chinchillas are better in terms of bird life as they can’t really catch birds, so will be nicer for your garden if you have birds/lizards to protect.

YABU if my husband pulled the shit you're trying to self justify I'd leave him and get a divorce.

"I want" doesn't get to trample all over "No" irrespective of what is wanted.

If you can't get your husband on side, you don't get a cat...unless this is a line in the sand for you and you'd leave your marriage over it (like I would in the opposing view).