...to insist on getting a family pet if my husband doesn’t want one?

[Pickmeup78]

I always wanted a cat growing up, but my parents didn’t allow it. Now I’m an adult with 2 children (7 and 9), who would both love to have a cat and so do I. We live in a house with garden, in a green London neighbourhood and I work from home so would have plenty of time to look after a cat.

However. My husband (who did grow up with cats) doesn’t want one. He thinks they smell, especially their litter tray, and he’s against all the meat that goes into cat food production - so he’s against it from a personal and an environmental perspective.

We’ve had several discussions about adopting a cat in the past, and I’ve always given up arguing my points (ie. always wanted a cat myself, would be lovely for the kids to have one) just to keep the peace.

But now, with so many unwanted cats up for adoption in our local cat shelter, I feel like I just want to go for it. I’ve signed up with the shelter, and made an appointment for a pre-adoption meeting.

I would obvs discuss it again with husband before actually getting it, but am thinking about putting everything in place and finding a suitable cat at the shelter beforehand. I expect that we‘ll have a big row, he will be in a massive a huff, I will plead that I will take full responsibility for the cat, and he will finally give in - very reluctantly so.

Am I being unreasonable to push this through and finally get a furry friend? Or am I out of order?

and regardless of what anyone else says, no matter how well maintained the litter tray is, the house still smells like cat.

We've got a dog, a cat, and a tank full of fish. My husband wanted none of them. Tough titties, the DC and I did, he was outvoted.

My compromise was agreeing that we've probably got enough animals now.

If my DH insisted on a cat it would be game over. They give me the creeps. And they stink.

Also, you might think I'm ridiculous in disliking all the things I mentioned and that to you, those things are nothing. But if I was your partner and you loved me, would you really want to do something that would make me feel that way constantly for the next fifteen years? It's not a recipe for nuptial harmony.

If you are not on board then cats in the house are an utter pain in the arse !

They scatter litter when they 'track' it
The odd accident and you have to fathom "why" ?
Their biscuits get everywhere
They wreck furniture and carpets even with a scratch post
They bring things (worms are a favourite for mine)
They stay out till 2am when they feel like ignoring you
They are £ to vaccinate/worm/flea and even with insurance £ vet bills
Our female throws things off the table (2 fruit bowls , remote controls )
They hide under the sofa and attack your feet
We're lucky that our adult DC cat sit , I don't think ours woud like Cattery life

If we didn't love these little ratbags these would be a challenge

Could you volunteer at an animal rescue instead? You get your cat fix, but your home remains cat free

Because the impact of keeping the status quo is far less than changing things (see Brexit for an example!)

If someone doesn't want something, you don't do it.

I said on the other thread if my husband insisted on a dog I would divorce him, I could not live with one. I might just about be able to tolerate a cat.

It is like having another child - especially if you get a puppy or a kitten - they really need a lot of looking after and training - and I just wouldn't want a dog in the house. Lots of responsibility and then you can't do anything without worrying about what to do with them eg if you go on holiday. Total deal breaker for me. I assume if you have a nice leafy house in London you can afford it, but even so, I am not sure I'd be adding household costs at this time.

I think YABVU. And I do think it’s like agreeing on having another baby - the one that says no has ultimate veto power.

I don’t know what I’d do if my husband plotted something similar behind my back, but I know that I won’t share my house with an animal.

Disagree. I simply could not live with a dog. So if the OP's DH simply cannot live with a cat, that's reasonable. The OP and her kids can clearly live without one, because they do.

Anyway, pet ownership is exploitative. People only have them for their own delectation. It's not for the animals' benefit and I hope in a few years the pendulum will swing back the other way and people will stop having pets.

You dont know cats do you!!!

"Anyway, pet ownership is exploitative. People only have them for their own delectation. It's not for the animals' benefit and I hope in a few years the pendulum will swing back the other way and people will stop having pets."

Yawn!!! People have had pets for hundreds of years so I wouldn't hold your breath breath!

See, my DH loves cats (we had two for 15 years and he adored them.) But he is adamant about not getting another even though three kids and I would get another one in a shot. His reasons are mostly financial (cost of food/vets) and that we have new furniture that could get damaged. I get it but still think it would be so good for all pur mental health especially DD and DH! I have considered just getting one without him agreeing. But only because I know he loves them! Getting a cat when one partner really doesn't like them is harsh.

But you could live with a dog (unless you have a life threatening allergy or severe phobia) you just wouldn’t be happy about it. Like the OP is not happy about living without a cat. I don’t think the husbands desire to not have a cat is more important than the op and kids desire to have a cat.

Can you get two and keep them outside? That feels like a compromise.
Inside, no, I don't think that's fair.

and regardless of what anyone else says, no matter how well maintained the litter tray is, the house still smells like cat.

Most people I know who have cats don't have litter trays. The cat just goes outside.

There are no problems with my relationship but if DH came home with an animal and insisted it stayed I would definitely leave.

If someone left their partner over bringing a pet home, I'd think that person didn't really love their partner all that much in the first place.

All your answers are really helpful, thanks!

Clumping - lots of good points for why having a cat really can impact everyday life.

Having read all this, I think I will tread a bit more carefully, and seek another discussion with DH at a good moment first. And also suggest getting an older rescue, to shorten the commitment span somewhat.

Goodnight all 😻

He is very used to things going his way, and reacts really strongly to everything I suggest that is not his ‘thing’ e.g. cooking something that’s not what he likes even if I love it, watching I film that I’ve chosen that he’s not sure about (will make me turn it off even!)

He makes you turn off films if he doesn't enjoy them and "reacts strongly" to you cooking food you like. I vote on replacing him with a cat.

Seriously though OP, that's not how a loving relationship should be.

You absolutely both need to be good with getting the cat. This is not a decision that will end well if one of you is against it or even feeling ambivalent.
The cat is a living animal - your OP sounds like you're debating buying a hot tub or another luxury home appliance!

There has never or will never be a cat or dog in my home. Even to visit. If my husband wants one, he can go somewhere else. There will be no talking me round. Ever. Non negotiable.

If you think he might come round, perhaps another conversation might help. But tbh if he feels as strongly as I do, you'd be massively unreasonable to go ahead and do it.

I’m a huge cat/dog/pet lover. Nothing better than awesome pets.

But YABU - the trade off for family life is that you works as a family. To go ahead would be a shitty thing to do. I’d say the same, in reverse, to a poster whose OH was wanting a pet but the OP wasn’t keen.

YABU . This is one of these things where everyone has to be in agreement, and if one says no then it is a no. Like having another DC.

He doesn't want it. Give up the idea.

Caged animals only "reek" if they are not cleaned out often enough.

I have never in my life heard such a stressful story of living with cats. You are most definitely not a cat person but mostly because of all the stress and all the rules you are creating. Most people just live with cats and enjoy every minute.

You’re being well out of order. A pet has to be a family decision and everyone needs to be on board.