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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely furious about this and drop DSS off at her house anyway?

934 replies

CottonCandy11 · 15/08/2022 07:04

It's me, DH, our son and my DSS who is 9. He's a lovely kid this is nothing to do with him personally but his mother.

He was due to go back to his mum's last night after being with us the previous 3 nights. She rang in the day and asked if he could stay another night as she had been invited out to something.

My husband asked me as he had to start work very early this morning (travelling down south so had to set off at 4am).

I said yes on the very strict proviso she comes to get him at 8am as I have a day out planned.

My son is 4 and I've planned a mother / son day out. Booked tickets for something and am really looking forward to just spending some fun downtime with him on our own. He's been poorly recently too and just got better last week so it's a nice treat for him (and me!).

Anyway, DH has just rang me saying she's messaged him saying sorry she won't be here for 8 as she ended up staying out so won't be home yet until about 11.

I'm so angry. I know her partner is at home (they have a baby so he's been in with their DC) and I know DSS has a key if he's still asleep. I'm seriously minded to go and drop him off with her partner. She'll be furious but I literally couldn't give a shit about what she thinks now, she cares about no one else whatsoever. It's always been the same, hers are the only plans that matter.

But I'm not missing my day with my son, I've been looking forward to it and I'm not having him and me miss out because she wanted to go on a piss up last night and didn't get home.

OP posts:
Original poster
CottonCandy11 · 15/08/2022 07:06

Oh and to refuse to ever do her a favour again.

OP posts:
OddsandSods · 15/08/2022 07:07

Drop him off. The partner is there- why would she be furious? You should be furious, she has no right to be.

Original poster
CottonCandy11 · 15/08/2022 07:07

She even had the cheek to ask DH if I could just take DSS with me. She did offer to send some money for it but it's not the point. Today was supposed to be for me and DS.

OP posts:
TheBikiniExpert · 15/08/2022 07:08

Yanbu!

Original poster
CottonCandy11 · 15/08/2022 07:08

OddsandSods · 15/08/2022 07:07

Drop him off. The partner is there- why would she be furious? You should be furious, she has no right to be.

She's really funny about asking him to help with DSS. Maybe he's said no before I don't know. Maybe he'd be angry with her? I don't know.

OP posts:
Mumspair1 · 15/08/2022 07:08

Yanbu, that will firmly send the message across that you aren't her skivvy. How irresponsible of her. If her dp is there at home, go drop him off.

Sharrowgirl · 15/08/2022 07:08

Do it but I’d be concerned about making your DSS feel unwanted by the adults in his life. You’ll need to manage that.

TruffleShuffles · 15/08/2022 07:08

If she has a partner at home with their child why couldn’t he have gone back home last night anyway? Why are you expected to look after DS alone and her partner isn’t? I’d drop him back home and leave him with his moms partner/step dad.

pictish · 15/08/2022 07:09

If her partner is there it’s fine to drop him off. I’d even knock the door and make him aware of it. If it’s a problem for him he can take it up with her when she gets home.
There’s no need to change your plans.

Original poster
CottonCandy11 · 15/08/2022 07:09

TruffleShuffles · 15/08/2022 07:08

If she has a partner at home with their child why couldn’t he have gone back home last night anyway? Why are you expected to look after DS alone and her partner isn’t? I’d drop him back home and leave him with his moms partner/step dad.

It's always been that way. Happy to ask me for help but not her own partner.

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 15/08/2022 07:09

Sharrowgirl · 15/08/2022 07:08

Do it but I’d be concerned about making your DSS feel unwanted by the adults in his life. You’ll need to manage that.

OP will not need to do any such thing.

picklemewalnuts · 15/08/2022 07:10

Are you sure the partner is safe around children?

CrappyJob · 15/08/2022 07:10

Well, she has gone and well and truly stuffed any chances of you doing her a favour in the future, hasn't she!

Not unreasonable at all, as long as you know for sure someone is home.

Original poster
CottonCandy11 · 15/08/2022 07:10

And frankly I'd be quite happy for her partner to be pissed off with her about it. She needs someone close to her to be annoyed with her, she won't care that I am. Or maybe she will next time she wants to go somewhere and can't because I've refused to help again.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 15/08/2022 07:10

Do it but I’d be concerned about making your DSS feel unwanted by the adults in his life. You’ll need to manage that.

No. It is his mother being awkward. And it is for her to sort out. OP, make sure he is in the house and ask him to wave from the door if his stepfather is there, just to make sure he's not on his own.

And then tell your DH that's it with favours to his ex from you.

Original poster
CottonCandy11 · 15/08/2022 07:11

picklemewalnuts · 15/08/2022 07:10

Are you sure the partner is safe around children?

Yeah he's fine. He's done the odd thing in the past but very very rarely. I suspect he's told her she's not dumping DSS on him so she can go out and things in the past so now she never asks him.

OP posts:
Sharrowgirl · 15/08/2022 07:11

MiddleParking · 15/08/2022 07:09

OP will not need to do any such thing.

Show quote history

She will if she gives a shit about him. Especially when his own mum and her partner seem…..lacking.

Blankscreen · 15/08/2022 07:11

So you are expected to look after their son but her partner isn't?

Honestly some people just take the absolute piss.

I would be beyond livid and would drop him home.

I'm make sure the boy gets in. Ring the bell and then open the door and hand him over to her partner and be oh so nice about it.

Anabanananaaaaaa · 15/08/2022 07:12

Are there safety concerns with her DP and your DSS?

just because he's looking after their baby doesn't meant your DSS is safe with him and as a pp said be mindful of how you handle the situation in front of the boy

Pleasecouldihavesomeadvice · 15/08/2022 07:12

Text her and say that you 100% need to leave the house at 8am. And that you will drop DSS at home would her partner.

Original poster
CottonCandy11 · 15/08/2022 07:13

Anabanananaaaaaa · 15/08/2022 07:12

Are there safety concerns with her DP and your DSS?

just because he's looking after their baby doesn't meant your DSS is safe with him and as a pp said be mindful of how you handle the situation in front of the boy

No it's nothing like that. We've met him a few times, he seems like a nice guy and DSS does like him. Just seems like he doesn't take any shit though. She's always asking for X Y and Z so he's probably told her in the past he's not being her childcare

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 15/08/2022 07:13

Just drop hints off. At 9 years old he's able to look after himself with minimum input from her partner until she gets back

Aprilx · 15/08/2022 07:13

I don’t know if I would just go and drop him off, I am in two minds about that.

I might be more inclined to deal with it this time, but then I would absolutely refuse to help out again.

Original poster
CottonCandy11 · 15/08/2022 07:14

RedHelenB · 15/08/2022 07:13

Just drop hints off. At 9 years old he's able to look after himself with minimum input from her partner until she gets back

Yeah I agree. Even if he's still in bed it doesn't matter. He'll just go up to his room likely or watch TV.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 15/08/2022 07:14

So she won’t ask her partner but will expect the partner of her ex to care for her child? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

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