Husband had a private lapdance

[Skye90]

On a stag do. Says he was so drunk he hardly remembers it. He wasn’t the only one but all the others are single.

Not sure how I feel about it tbh.

AIBU

Nope you are NBU. I would be furious and reconsidering my future. For me personally it steps over a line. I'm sure he wouldn't be happy if you had a dick swinging away in front of you would he.

Well if you're not sure how you feel I cant tell you if I think yabu or not.

They all say they dont remember it/were too drunk/meant nothing. It's a line they use. He chose to pay for a lap dance from a particular woman. Would make my skin crawl touching him again. That's how I'd feel. He simply could have said no, he didn't.

Unforgivable imo. How would you feel if he'd done exactly the same thing with a woman he'd met at work or down the pub? How is this different?

And why does he think it matters that he "wasn't the only one"?
What does he think that has to do with the choice made?

Would be a dealbreaker for me.

I would be unimpressed but nothing more. I wouldn't consider it cheating. I would move on the same day

YANBU to feel conflicted about it. Personally, I couldn’t get upset about a lap dance at a stag do. It’s what happens at many stag dos and hen dos. It’s a terrible tradition, but if you go on one, you kind of are obliged to not rock the boat.

I would be furious. Wouldn’t necessarily LTB but it would affect how I felt about him

Total deal breaker

For me, it would be, because I've had children and I'm over 40, being a stripper, she'd be young and her body would be way better than mine so I honestly don't think I'd ever want him to see me naked again and I'd think of this every time we had sex. I realise this is perhaps a shallow reason and may say more about me and my insecurities than the actual hypothetical situation

But even if I the end result he's paid another woman to dance naked in front of him and he will have 100 percent been turned on by this. Also apparently strippers also grind their bums on the mens dick area to give them a hard on 🤢

Totally inexcusable. How did you find out?

He paid for a woman’s body. I wouldn’t hang about.

I'd be slightly annoyed but not angry. Our rule is no money to be spent on strippers. So he can go as a part of a stag night but he's not spending our family money on that muck.

I couldn’t be with a man who did that.

Really low class behaviour, demeaning. It would certainly affect how I felt about my husbands character.

So many cool wives round here.

I would be furious too.

This wouldn't upset me as long as they told me. Although I see why it could upset some people. U can't help how it makes u feel; is it something you had discussed before the Stag do?

For me, having a practically naked woman grind against my husband and dance in an intimate way for him would be a form cheating. The fact that money has changed hands, doesn't change anything. But that's me. You have decide what it means to you.

What are we meant to be voting on?

Not that it really matters, but how did you find out?

For me, the fact that money changed hands makes it so much worse.

If a woman did that for free it would be cheating. If they are paid for it it's somehow okay - according to a lot of people. My husband would never do that and if he did I wouldn't be with him. It's not an insecurity thing, it's the complete opposite. If someone doesn't treat me faithfully and with respect, the same that I give them, then they aren't worth my time. You deserve better.

I'd flip tbh. I understand they're pretty erm intimate.

For me this would change everything, I don't think any truly decent man does this sort of thing, no matter how tempting it might be.