Page 6 | Husband had a private lapdance

Skye90 · 2022-08-14T21:07:40+00:00

On a stag do. Says he was so drunk he hardly remembers it. He wasn’t the only one but all the others are single. Not sure how I feel about it tbh. AIBU

Tinkerblonde1 · 14/08/2022 23:40

I left my marriage when I was 28 over this. Being in a club I could get passed. It was the private dance. I got the ick and couldn't recover.

42 now and I am so glad I am not married to him anymore. I would probably do the same again. It's my line and my oh knows that.

Hawkins001 · 14/08/2022 23:41

Skye90 · 14/08/2022 22:29

He was honest and told me when he got back. He’s apologised and said he regretted it the minute he got out, will never happen again etc

Ive asked him to give me some space as I do feel hurt just now, it’s the lack of respect for me, our marriage and the idea of him and another woman (topless/naked) alone in a room makes me shudder.

I Understand your perspectives and frustrations op, all the best and positivity

lioncitygirl · 14/08/2022 23:41

Depends where you draw the line - different people feel differently. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Itisasecret · 14/08/2022 23:45

People have their boundaries. Ironically I earn 100ks less than my husband because I was lucky enough to spend time at home with the children (that’s a whole other argument on inequality). I have a poorly paid (in comparison) post grad career. I would still tell my husband to get to the far side of the moon and fuck off if he did this. I taught our sons to respect women. I’ve taught my daughter NEVER to be reliant on a man and never be in a position she can’t leave. If my husband had a nude dance with someone close to his daughters age, I’d kick his arse so far out of this house I’d win the World Cup. He knows it as well. I was very clear I wouldn’t be a cool wife where misogyny rules.

MrsKeats · 14/08/2022 23:47

Grim.

LoisLane66 · 14/08/2022 23:50

No idea where some posters get the idea that lapdancers are totally naked. They aren't. Thongs and nipple covers are usual and grinding in the guy's groin and face?...no such luck. As another poster said, they do the minimum and most reputable places have strict rules about the behaviour of the 'client' and the girl.
Unless your DH has model looks and wears a Rolex sub then you can forget her having any interest in him beyond being paid to do a job.

HintofVintagePink · 14/08/2022 23:51

It’s gross and pathetic and I’d seriously consider leaving my husband over this. The alcohol is just an excuse.

LoisLane66 · 14/08/2022 23:57

There is only one difference between that and getting turned on by watching porn and that is that he can watch porn any night of the week but he won't be seeing her again.
Get over it.

LoisLane66 · 15/08/2022 00:04

@Itisasecret
Whatever you've taught/told your children is not necessarily the path they will rigorously follow as adults. You'll never know what they get up to and they will never disclose anything that would change your opinion of their saintly ways.

CounsellorTroi · 15/08/2022 00:08

Most stag dos I’ve heard about recently seem to consist of zipwiring or bungee jumping or paint balling.

CounsellorTroi · 15/08/2022 00:11

BellePeppa · 14/08/2022 23:40

I went to a Male strip club once, years ago, with a bunch of female work mates. It wasn’t for me, I hated every second of it but the majority of the women absolutely loved it and were shrieking with joy at having these guys waving their dicks in their faces. These were all mainly married women, I doubt their husbands left them and broke up their families because of it.

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Male strip clubs are all a bit of a laugh for those women though aren’t they? I doubt they are actually turned on by it. I wouldn’t be.

Itisasecret · 15/08/2022 00:14

LoisLane66 · 15/08/2022 00:04

@Itisasecret
Whatever you've taught/told your children is not necessarily the path they will rigorously follow as adults. You'll never know what they get up to and they will never disclose anything that would change your opinion of their saintly ways.

Oh piss off.

Saintly I’m not. The children know that. They happily talk to me about stuff. We made
good choices, we are well off and our daughter doesn’t have to be a sex worker. She’s thinking surgeon.

You can be an open family and not need to push your own kids into sex work. Jesus, what’s wrong with you. Disgusting.

StreetwiseHercules · 15/08/2022 00:17

CounsellorTroi · 15/08/2022 00:11

Male strip clubs are all a bit of a laugh for those women though aren’t they? I doubt they are actually turned on by it. I wouldn’t be.

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Adult male titillation = grim and seedy
Adult female titillation = cheeky fun for the ladies and a bit of a laugh.

the hypocrisy seems to be exponential on this site.

Wheresmymoneytree · 15/08/2022 00:19

Itisasecret · 15/08/2022 00:14

Oh piss off.

Saintly I’m not. The children know that. They happily talk to me about stuff. We made
good choices, we are well off and our daughter doesn’t have to be a sex worker. She’s thinking surgeon.

You can be an open family and not need to push your own kids into sex work. Jesus, what’s wrong with you. Disgusting.

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Sounds like they have plenty of cash to use the sex workers then. Heaven forbid they go near the lowly poor people.

My friend worked in a lap dancing club when we were 18, she was anything but poor. She bought a brand new Audi after working their two months and was the first out of our group to save her own house deposit. The rest of our friendship group includes a lawyer, a teacher…. Oh and a GP.

StreetwiseHercules · 15/08/2022 00:19

CounsellorTroi · 15/08/2022 00:08

Most stag dos I’ve heard about recently seem to consist of zipwiring or bungee jumping or paint balling.

That’s true. Lap dancing is a bit 90s and naughties.

CounsellorTroi · 15/08/2022 00:20

StreetwiseHercules · 15/08/2022 00:17

Adult male titillation = grim and seedy
Adult female titillation = cheeky fun for the ladies and a bit of a laugh.

the hypocrisy seems to be exponential on this site.

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I think male and female strip clubs are equally seedy.

GriseldaPlum · 15/08/2022 00:21

I think the cool wives club are just insecure in themselves

I'd be thoroughly pissed off but it wouldn't be a dealbreaker. There's a lot of peer pressure on stag nights, I imagine. I think I could get over it.

It's not a fair comment that people who think like me feel insecure.
Perhaps women who don't want their husbands to interact in any way with other women, look at other women, engage with other women, are insecure. Who knows? (I acknowledge a lap dance goes beyond my examples)

My husband having a lap dance on a stag night, and me finding out about it, would not make me feel insecure. But it would bloody well make him feel insecure for several months after.

When women disagree on certain situations such as this, I don't think it helps that we attack each other because we maybe disagree.

Women verbally abusing other women is my problem here.

Calling people 'cool wives' because they have a different outlook, different experiences, a plethora of understanding of their partner, and then dismissing them as 'insecure' is really pretty patronising.

If your husband, whilst drunk, on a stag night, gets bulldozed into having a lap dance, virtually against his will, will you leave him spit spot? Immediately dump his sorry arse?

I doubt it. And if you don't, will that make you a cool wife?

Itisasecret · 15/08/2022 00:22

Wheresmymoneytree · 15/08/2022 00:19

Sounds like they have plenty of cash to use the sex workers then. Heaven forbid they go near the lowly poor people.

My friend worked in a lap dancing club when we were 18, she was anything but poor. She bought a brand new Audi after working their two months and was the first out of our group to save her own house deposit. The rest of our friendship group includes a lawyer, a teacher…. Oh and a GP.

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Even more people hoping children pay for sex work. Wow. It’s pretty disgusting and illegal.

User8273738273737 · 15/08/2022 00:22

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@winterlilies another cool wife joins in 😂

winterlilies · 15/08/2022 00:23

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GriseldaPlum · 15/08/2022 00:25

Most stag dos I’ve heard about recently seem to consist of zipwiring or bungee jumping or paint balling

That's true and very refreshing. My son in law did the three peaks with his mates. A lifelong ambition. Not a stripper in sight. Not that I was there, obvs.

StreetwiseHercules · 15/08/2022 00:25

Mumsnet. Where being cool is baaaad.

winterlilies · 15/08/2022 00:27

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Itisasecret · 15/08/2022 00:28

GriseldaPlum · 15/08/2022 00:21

I think the cool wives club are just insecure in themselves

I'd be thoroughly pissed off but it wouldn't be a dealbreaker. There's a lot of peer pressure on stag nights, I imagine. I think I could get over it.

It's not a fair comment that people who think like me feel insecure.
Perhaps women who don't want their husbands to interact in any way with other women, look at other women, engage with other women, are insecure. Who knows? (I acknowledge a lap dance goes beyond my examples)

My husband having a lap dance on a stag night, and me finding out about it, would not make me feel insecure. But it would bloody well make him feel insecure for several months after.

When women disagree on certain situations such as this, I don't think it helps that we attack each other because we maybe disagree.

Women verbally abusing other women is my problem here.

Calling people 'cool wives' because they have a different outlook, different experiences, a plethora of understanding of their partner, and then dismissing them as 'insecure' is really pretty patronising.

If your husband, whilst drunk, on a stag night, gets bulldozed into having a lap dance, virtually against his will, will you leave him spit spot? Immediately dump his sorry arse?

I doubt it. And if you don't, will that make you a cool wife?

Why do you think it is insecurity? These stereotypes are damaging. I am successful and attractive I have no issue attracting “male attention.” This is not my sole purpose in life. My husband works with and supports many females in his role. In fact he actively tries to recruit women into a respected STEM industry as they are underrepresented. That’s what actual decent men do. He knows what his daughter wants to do and knows the huge battle she has to achieve her dreams because of women hating bollocks like this.

NortieTortie · 15/08/2022 00:29

I really sympathise with you OP.

While I don't think I'd end a marriage over it, I don't think I'd be able to look at him the same for a long time.

It's the disrespect, crossing of boundaries and yeah, jealousy. Why wouldn't someone be jealous of their husband getting all hot and bothered over some personal attention from an attractive woman?