Going back to work 2 weeks after birth?

[Jacklinjane]

I'm 34 and have one child who is coming up to 21 months. LO has a disability and his dad gave up work to take care of him while I returned to my job 3 weeks after having a caesarian section. I work in IT so it's not a physical job. I expressed at work and had a little fridge beside my desk and everything worked.
The plan with the next one is to do the same but after speaking with GP today she's said I'll likely need another section. So I've started making preparations for this and my friend yesterday told me she thinks I'm not being fair on new baby or LO1 by going back to work that soon.
For context, I get a basic wage but I get huge bonuses every month that are almost triple my basic wage. Maternity doesn't scratch what I earn and what my mortgage costs.
My husband would be going back after 2 weeks if he was the one working so why is it not fair that I am? My work are accomodating and no one even minded the loud humming of my breast pump for so many hours in the day! If I'm physically able to go back, why should it matter?

If I was the OP I wouldn't come back either, seeing how she's being accused of child abandonment and all sorts of other stuff up and down the thread.

Meanwhile in MRA HQ…
”I wonder how easy it would be to get a group of women to argue AGAINST the concept of decent maternity leave and say it’s irrelevant and unnecessary for the mother and baby.. I’ll just make up a factually incorrect and slightly implausible scenario where short mat leave benefits one woman but gives us pages of quotes of women saying it’s fine for women to be back in the office 2 weeks after a section…”

@Ilikecake05 not sure you should be advocating anybody doing what you have done, for your health. If you were employed you can only go back to work after 4 weeks if you work in a factory. If you employed someone would you let them come back to work in similar circumstances?

@tenbob

Except no one is arguing against mat leave.

If women want to take it they should. (Although Id argue 1 year is unnecessary and we definitely should be doing something to improve paternity leave/pay)

The op doesn't.

Thats OK too.

Women are only in the situation of having to go back to work after two weeks as the maternity pay doesn’t provide enough. It is a feminist issue and I too am horrified at all the ‘it is totally fine’ comments.

It isn’t fine.

@Janedoe82

I'd say 90% of full pay is pretty good.

And of course its fine even if its not what you'd do.

But it is fine. Just because you don't want to do it for yourself, it doesn't make it a bad thing. A woman wanting and choosing to go back to work early because of good commission, is not a feminist issue.

She should be getting the good commission while on maternity leave!!

I previously worked in a sales role on 60k a year- half commission. I still got it on maternity leave.

Sorry re read the OP. It's a bonus that is usually triple, and that depends on what kind of bonus it is. OP wants to go back to work, you're like a dog with a bone. Some women are happy to go back to work, doesn't make them less of a mother or unable to bond with her baby.

The OP is a grown woman and is responsible for her own decisions, likewise am I. I’m very thick skinned so couldn’t care less what anyone thinks of my choices. My staff and their choices are irrelevant. They presumably would have babies and take maternity leave from their jobs that don’t involve any desk work. It’s not the same situation I am in and also different to the OP’s situation (which as I pointed out, is also vastly different to mine). Different strokes for different folks and all that. I just find it weird when people tell someone they can’t possible do something just because they couldn’t/wouldn’t. Like I said, the OP will herself know whether its for her or not, not random stranger from interwebs.

of course it’s a feminist issue, which is why women have fought for specific provision within Mat leave rules that bonuses being included in mat pay calculations, pay rises and holiday being awarded when returning from leave etc etc

But that aside, if I worked in an office where my colleague reappeared TWO WEEKS after giving birth because the company comp rules were so archaic that she couldn’t stay off any longer, I would absolutely horrified
I wouldn’t be turning a blind eye to a whirring breast pump. I would be asking what the holy hell this company thought of it’s employees to have a woman sat there rather than at home

But i’ll still take this whole scenario with a big pinch of salt…

My husband would be going back after 2 weeks if he was the one working so why is it not fair that I am?

Because your husband hasn't had nine months of carrying a baby and then having to recover! Physically he has not had any changes to his body or life, whereas you, the mother has.

My boss is fairly flexible with me. If I'm not ready at 2 weeks she won't be upset at all if I take a little longer.

Yikes. I wish I'd not posted this now. I've been a long time lurker and hoped I could have a bit of a rant about the cheek of a friend. I was wrong and I don't think I'll come back again after this.

To clear up a few things. Yes I want children and one of us had to miss out on staying home with our son and our next, since I was on a lot more money it made sense for my husband to stay home. My son has a great bond with me and a very strong one with his dad.
My friend was not interested in my health but was directly commenting on me discussing how long I'd need on maternity after a section as we'd been talking about how good it was I could work right up until a few days before the section. She turned on me and said it wasn't fair on my children to leave them so soon. I thought this was unfair since it's what men all over the country have to do and no one tells them to lose money and stay home longer. It's not viable for everyone! We got an expensive mortgage years ago and my wage has always carried us.
I don't abandon my child, my husband's an amazing dad and never has a minute to himself because he spends so much of his time doing all he can for hour LO.
I do pump at work and mostly at home. I do this because I prefer it, if I stayed home the whole time I wouldn't be breastfeeding exclusively.
Thank you to those who have talked to me about my health, I won't rush myself in and my boss doesn't expect me to.

I work in an office with 7 other women, 2 have had children and were both back fairly quickly. We live in modern times where a woman isn't banished to the house once she becomes a mother. We CAN go back to work if we want. I admire any woman who stays home with her kids and you do a great job. But I have a job that keeps my family in a home and comfortable.

Thanks for the help. If Mumsnet would like to delete this thread I'd appreciate it! I wouldn't want any mother to be seeing the viciousness posted here about me abandoning my child to go earn a living.

@Jacklinjane hope that you have a speedy recovery and despite some on the thread living in the dark ages lots of people do get your points and support you.

@Jacklinjane

Don't listen to the nonsense. I'm sure you'll all be fine

I also wouldn't bother admiring any woman who stays home with her kids. They're not doing anything you're not and as you can see, they rarely return the favour.

So on one hand men should be equal parents and not considered secondary to the mother, but on the other hand the primary attachment HAS to be with the mother, and men are incapable of being a caregiver.

So a father should be willing to step up as primary caregiver, but if a mother allows it she’s a cunt.

OP, continue to do what’s right for your family. It’s no one else’s business.

I was back at work 10 days after a c-section, it was physically fine though I work in central London so bus or taxi rather than drive. I run a company so had no other option and it was very do-able and I have a great bond with my daughter. Elvie pump was a godsend so I could express during meetings and calls. Not everyone can have the luxury of maternity leave and I would like so see the studies that show this harms a child.

Do what you feel is best for you and your family at the time. X

It’s really sad that people are arguing with this

There will be huge repercussions for all the children in childcare from such young ages and all the mentality about the mother apparently not mattering - will be pretty sad to see how the next generation turn out.

but then the BF rates in this country are shit so nobody cares anyway

Your choice and FWIW I recovered much more quickly from my elective CS than my traumatic forceps delivery. But you need a plan B if you're not physically ready.

@Longtimeposternc

Did you even read the thread?