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Original poster

Going back to work 2 weeks after birth?

224 replies

Jacklinjane · 14/08/2022 10:46

I'm 34 and have one child who is coming up to 21 months. LO has a disability and his dad gave up work to take care of him while I returned to my job 3 weeks after having a caesarian section. I work in IT so it's not a physical job. I expressed at work and had a little fridge beside my desk and everything worked.
The plan with the next one is to do the same but after speaking with GP today she's said I'll likely need another section. So I've started making preparations for this and my friend yesterday told me she thinks I'm not being fair on new baby or LO1 by going back to work that soon.
For context, I get a basic wage but I get huge bonuses every month that are almost triple my basic wage. Maternity doesn't scratch what I earn and what my mortgage costs.
My husband would be going back after 2 weeks if he was the one working so why is it not fair that I am? My work are accomodating and no one even minded the loud humming of my breast pump for so many hours in the day! If I'm physically able to go back, why should it matter?

OP posts:
PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 12:49

Janedoe82 · 14/08/2022 10:54

It is too soon. Your baby needs to be with you to form a strong attachment and ensure their brain develops properly- that is fact.

What do you think happens in other countries where paid maternity leave isn't a thing?

Plus the baby would just form their primary attachment to their father in this instance

No need to worry about their brain

Mindymomo · 14/08/2022 12:51

Personally, it’s going to be decided on how well you feel. My DH looked after our baby whilst I went back to work with my first child. They had a great time, not saying that’s the case with your DH, but you have to do what you have to do.

tenbob · 14/08/2022 12:53

You say you get a ‘basic wage’ - Are you salaried or freelance/contractor?
It sounds like you’re an employee?

Because if you are salaried, your first 6 weeks of Mat pay will be calculated based on your typical earnings of salary plus bonus, not just your salary

The same would have been the case with your last mat leave, and your HR dept should have provided you with a calculation of what the mat pay schedule was

SummerSazz · 14/08/2022 12:55

Can you wfh for the first few weeks?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 14/08/2022 12:57

Georgyporky · 14/08/2022 11:45

It was the norm in the UK that mat leave was until 6 weeks post partum.
I was ready at 2 weeks, but had to wait another 4 - on about 20% of salary.

Do what suits you, but I'd not make a firm commitment until after the birth.

I often see this, but it's misleading. My daughter was born in the early 90s. I had worked for my employer long enough to be entitled to something like 28 weeks maternity leave, i.e. I could take 28 weeks off work and my employer couldn't sack me and had to take me back to my old job or an equivalent one at the end of that time. It was up to me how much leave to take before the due date, and the balance could be taken afterwards.

The 6 weeks thing comes in because if you worked for an employer who didn't offer enhanced maternity pay you only got statutory maternity pay for six weeks, and I think it was 90% of salary. After that there was maternity allowance for the rest of the maternity leave period, which was a fixed rate, and nothing like as much as most women would have been earning full-time. There would have been child benefit as well, but the two together were not enough to replace salary for most women. That's why many women went back to work far earlier than 28 weeks post partum, but plenty didn't. Most professions with a lot of female employees, e.g. teaching and the NHS, did offer enhanced maternity pay, which made it easier, and also ensured most of those women did go back to work, as they would have had to pay back the enhanced element if they didn't return to work.

BabyDreamers · 14/08/2022 12:57

I went back after 2 months to a job where i was on my feet all day, as they asked me to as they were short staffed. It's bad thinking that they dared even ask. I got paid maternity plus cash in hand everyday so worked out well for a teen mum who needed the money. As long as you feel up to it it's fine.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/08/2022 12:58

newborns need their mums ideally- so I wouldn’t choose to be away- obviously if the other option was no money then yes it’s better to work. But I agree a newborn needs it’s mum at home for longer than 2 wks.

Goldbar · 14/08/2022 13:00

It's not what I would want but financial needs must. There's nothing inherently wrong with this for your husband/the baby - the real question is whether you will be sufficiently physically recovered. Men can be main carers too.

HiCandles · 14/08/2022 13:01

Arguably it is physically easier to sit at a desk all day than to look after 2 children single handed. After a section when you couldn't lift your older child I would think it'd be especially difficult at home so actually for your husband to be taking that burden makes sense.
That aside, personally I wouldn't because I'd want to be with my new baby. Then again everybody expects men to return to work and miss the baby so as long as you're happy, the baby will do just fine with daddy as primary caregiver.

PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 13:01

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/08/2022 12:58

newborns need their mums ideally- so I wouldn’t choose to be away- obviously if the other option was no money then yes it’s better to work. But I agree a newborn needs it’s mum at home for longer than 2 wks.

Newborns do not 'need' their mother

Preference for their mother actually only starts at 2-4 months old

They need feeding and comfort, if the DH can do that, great.

Headbandheart · 14/08/2022 13:08

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 14/08/2022 12:01

Completely fine, it's what works for you and your family that is important.

I am slightly in awe that you were back in work three weeks after major surgery though! Never had a caesarian, but it took me six weeks after having an ovary removed by keyhole surgery.

🤣🤣you find yourself dismissing things that you’d normally go “ I can’t go to work feeling like this”
you have no choice but to have broken nights, deal with demand non stop of a small baby and be on the go most of the day (ok, you can sometimes grab rest during day when baby is sleeping), and a Fair proportion of time have a toddler demanding your attention, climbing on you, demanding to be lifted cuddled etc

It changes your whole outlook to recovery as you have to deal with it. Not making out women develop some sort of super power by having c sections, just you understand you can push your body much harder than you would do normally

if you can don tools and rest as you would in other circumstances without baby/children to look after …then you need to do that. Bodies heal must faster when resting so it is better.

for most new mums being a t work if sedentary job is probably more rest than being at home with baby and toddler 🤣

Milomine · 14/08/2022 13:09

Haven’t read TFT so sorry if I’m repeating others. Not quite 2 weeks but I went back after 6 weeks at the beginning of last year. I was (unexpectedly) a single parent, in a poor paying job with outgoings that stat maternity pay would not cover. I actually struggled on even the first 6 weeks pay.

I got bombarded with comments about how I was damaging my baby emotionally, it was cruel to be away from her, I would lack that bond. My DD is now 21 months and it was the best decision I could have made. She is confident and has very little separation anxiety. My mum looked after her for the first 4 weeks but she then began nursery at 10 weeks and we never had any difficulty with settling, she runs in now. Despite what everyone said, I in no way feel like I missed out on that bond - while she’s no separation anxiety, she loves her mummy and our days when I’m not working and our evenings together are so precious!

Physically, I had a tough birth with a bad tear but found it less physically challenging sitting at a desk than I did at home, caring for her. Saying that, I wouldn’t have had the support from DP that you are likely to have.

Ignore the comments on here about not bonding and it being unfair, what is right for one person is not the same for everyone. I know my friend in work had her DS 6 months before me and she adores him but found maternity leave so challenging that she now feels that she hasn’t bonded with him & blames it on that.

I think you’re very brave for even considering it!

MissMaple82 · 14/08/2022 13:11

Money or memories and bonding??? I know which one I'd choose. Cantbfathom why you have kids to nor want to enjoy them at new baby stage!

Goldbar · 14/08/2022 13:12

MissMaple82 · 14/08/2022 13:11

Money or memories and bonding??? I know which one I'd choose. Cantbfathom why you have kids to nor want to enjoy them at new baby stage!

Presumably so the OP can pay the bills and keep a roof over the baby's head?

luckylavender · 14/08/2022 13:13

You do you and don't listen to others. It's none of their business.

fortunately2022 · 14/08/2022 13:14

MissMaple82 · 14/08/2022 13:11

Money or memories and bonding??? I know which one I'd choose. Cantbfathom why you have kids to nor want to enjoy them at new baby stage!

Nothing like a good memory of defaulting on the mortgage 🙄

Good luck op

PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 13:14

MissMaple82 · 14/08/2022 13:11

Money or memories and bonding??? I know which one I'd choose. Cantbfathom why you have kids to nor want to enjoy them at new baby stage!

Maybe because the memories made whilst living on the streets aren't as fun

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 14/08/2022 13:15

Are you in the UK?

As others have said it's major surgery and your body needs time to heal.

I also think the first few months are precious, they go very fast and are crucial in your baby's development so I personally would not want to miss that.

cansu · 14/08/2022 13:16

I went back after 6 weeks with my first and looking back it was a dreadful decision. I hadn't had time to recover and I put myself under huge stress. It did have an impact on my mental heth. I also did it for financial reasons s but it wasn't great. I think three months is about the minimum needed.

dottiedodah · 14/08/2022 13:19

Maybe wait and see how you feel? It might be fine this time and no worries ,but if you dont feel great then a while longer if you can. Dont put yourself under pressure .

iloveyoubaby1 · 14/08/2022 13:21

You never know how you're going to be. Each time might be different.
I had a baby 5 weeks ago and should be going back to work in 2 weeks. My partner is off with the baby as we are having shared parental leave - and I'll be working part time. I earn more and I'm self employed.

However - I've had a few complications since my c section and i'm currently back in hospital. I've been here for a few days and will likely be here for a few more.
My body hasn't recovered at all how I imagined.

2 weeks seems like no time at all and I'm sure will go by very quickly.
I really do understand the financial aspect. I really do. Are you able to have a couple more weeks off than that?

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 14/08/2022 13:21

After my section I was given a list of things I could do and when. Ask midwife she can get you a similar list from physio.

KeyWorker · 14/08/2022 13:42

The thing is is if you’d had that kind of
open abdominal surgery for any other reason apart from removing a baby you’d be signed off
for at least 6 weeks. It’s not just about giving birth, it’s your physical health and recovery from significant surgery.

If your husband had open abdominal surgery with a 6 inch incision and muscles/tissue/organs ect handled in a similar way would he be happy to be back at work after 2 weeks? Would you be happy for him to be at work after 2 weeks?

I really dislike the way we group sections and straight forward vaginal birth the same recovery wise, they are not.

maryberryslayers · 14/08/2022 13:48

It's obviously completely up to you. If you feel well enough health wise then there's no reason why not.
Personally I feel very sorry for both you and your baby that you're in this position and will miss out on the 4th trimester.
Could you not save enough of your bonuses now to allow you at least a month to recover?
Birth doesn't always go to plan so you could be less physically and mentally able the second time around.

Herewegoagain84 · 14/08/2022 13:49

It wouldn’t be my choice (and it sounds like it wouldn’t be your friend’s choice). But if you feel ok about leaving the baby with his or her Dad from that point on, then crack on.