Going back to work 2 weeks after birth?

[Jacklinjane]

I'm 34 and have one child who is coming up to 21 months. LO has a disability and his dad gave up work to take care of him while I returned to my job 3 weeks after having a caesarian section. I work in IT so it's not a physical job. I expressed at work and had a little fridge beside my desk and everything worked.
The plan with the next one is to do the same but after speaking with GP today she's said I'll likely need another section. So I've started making preparations for this and my friend yesterday told me she thinks I'm not being fair on new baby or LO1 by going back to work that soon.
For context, I get a basic wage but I get huge bonuses every month that are almost triple my basic wage. Maternity doesn't scratch what I earn and what my mortgage costs.
My husband would be going back after 2 weeks if he was the one working so why is it not fair that I am? My work are accomodating and no one even minded the loud humming of my breast pump for so many hours in the day! If I'm physically able to go back, why should it matter?

Sorry I read that as your husband was going back 2 weeks after the birth.

That makes it better for the baby.

It wouldn't be my choice but it's up to you

It was the norm in the UK that mat leave was until 6 weeks post partum.
I was ready at 2 weeks, but had to wait another 4 - on about 20% of salary.

Do what suits you, but I'd not make a firm commitment until after the birth.

As others have said, you need proper time to heal and rest. Nevermind that your friend thinks it isn't fair on baby and LO, it's not fair on you.

Although I understand it must be very difficult and worrying if you're the main earner.

It’s disingenuous to pretend pregnancy doesn’t have a massive physical and emotional impact on women and some people just wouldn’t be able to go bank to work that soon. So the faux ‘why is it viewed differently’ is just sophistry.

However, if you are happy and feel well and able then crack on - there is no reason your husband can’t look after your child perfectly well.

If its SMP that you're getting, then for the first 6 weeks, it's 90% of your regular wage. It's only 7+ weeks that it goes down to £160 or thereabouts.

I would tend to think 6 weeks is a minimum - in my old job, come to think of it, 6 weeks was compulsory and you weren't considered 'fit to work' till after then.

Though relatively rare, there can be health complications from birth and of course there can be health complications from any type of surgery. I'd expect your work to want a fit note or occy health assessment after a fortnight.

This isn't coming from any place of what women should or should not do after giving birth, but I do think it is a touch disingenuous to say 'no-one would think twice about a man going back after 2 weeks'. Men don't give birth. Birth has a physical impact on a woman's body.

But my friend wasn't concerned about my physical health, I understand the worry there. She is saying it's not fair on my children.

Completely fine, it's what works for you and your family that is important.

I am slightly in awe that you were back in work three weeks after major surgery though! Never had a caesarian, but it took me six weeks after having an ovary removed by keyhole surgery.

You can only compare the 2 if your husband is also capable of breastfeeding and had a c-section. I personally don’t know why you’d bother having another child if you need to be at work so much that you’d go back after 2 weeks but you do you.

This - have you used the online calculator to make sure you're getting the correct pay for the first 6 weeks?

I was still in hospital 2 weeks after my first section, I'm not sure I'd have been physically capable of going back before 6/8 weeks. Birth can be unpredictable.

Those PPs saying that the OP will need to rear and recover - do you honestly think that looking after a baby and a toddler single-handed is more restful than a desk-based job? This isn't a choice between going down the mines and spending six weeks on bed rest being waited on hand and foot. Looking after a young toddler post-section is hard work.

Does your friend think it’s unfair that it’s standard for dads to only take 2 weeks paternity leave? Or is it a complete double standard?
as long as you physically feel ok (and you can’t really decide that at the moment as you don’t know how it will go), it’s fine to go back to work, leaving your dc with their father/primary care giver.

It would be great if you could have longer off, but in the real world of bills and mortgage payments, if you need to go back for financial reasons, you need to go back. Does your friend think you would be better living off benefits?

Do you ask men Why they return to work a couple of weeks after becoming a father? Why don’t they take longer off to support their partners and dc.

@Louise0701

And when would you deem it ok for a parent to go back to work?

Should parents just not ever work again?

Do you have to decide now or can you see how you feel when your given birth? You'd get 90% pay for the first 6 weeks anyway which should include your bonuses.

@Cleothecat75 I didn’t ask the OP that question. FWIW, some men do. Not my problem if some women choose shit men.

@Topgub oh yes because that’s absolutely what my post said. Christ sake are you always so ridiculous.

I could barely walk 2/3 weeks after having my CS so hats off to you if this is true. Your friend was being a bit of a judgey with faux concern about baby, but personally I would give it more time for your own body. It's major surgery, you're older than last time you had a CS and the advice is to take it easy for 6 weeks. You don't know how you will feel until you're there. Have you had this conversation with your midwife?

The difference between a Dad going back to work after 2 weeks vs the mum is the physical toil on a woman's body. Making and carrying a child for 9 months, the physical strain on the body/organs and birthing a baby vaginally or by CS is quite obviously a traumatic experience for the human body. Men don't experience any physical symptoms of pregnancy and birth obviously. It's disingenuous to pretend not to know the difference.

Fine if you want to do that.. I can't imagine wanting to though personally. Seems counter maternal instinct to stay with newborn.

Tell your ‘friend’ to do one.

Your husband is looking after the kids, so the idea it will impact on them is nonsense.

Maternity leave can be emotive, mothers rightly want to protect it, but that means there can be lots of negativity to women who go back early, which is what I suspect is motivating your friend.

As a PP says it’s normal to return this early in the US, and many UK business owners have to do the same.

You may want to allow a little longer for recovery for this one, given you have a toddler as well, if your work can be flexible re how you feel post birth. You might be perfectly fine though.

I’m much older but when I had my second c section I was self employed as I was with my first. I went back to work after 6 weeks with both and my job is much more physical (not much lifting but bending etc and on my feet a lot). I was lucky to be part time and used some grandparent care and some childminder. I had no choice for financial reasons. It worked fine, and both children are very close to me now. As they are to their dad too. Do what works for you. As you say no one would bat an eyelid if their dad went back after 2 weeks.

I have had surgery similar to a C-section and the recovery is just as long, even without the baby. I had to be signed off work for 6 weeks. When I was back at work, I was still very fragile. Thank goodness for a sedate desk job.

I’ve also had a C-section. The difference there is you have a baby to deal with post surgery, but that doesn’t change the fact that you need time to recover.

so yes, skip the actual maternity leave, but you shouldn’t skip the physical recovery

Each birth is different so I would wait and see how you feel and then deicide. My mum had two c sections, she recovered quickly from her first. However, her first had lots of complications & took her almost 4 months to recover. Don't think that all your pregnancies and births will be the same.

I think there is a legal limit of a certain number of weeks maternity leave. Your employers need to ensure that they are complying with the law first before complying with your wishes.

www.gov.uk/maternity-pay-leave

YANBU

Financially you need to be the one to go back to work

2-3 weeks is ample time to recover from a big standard c-section (have had 3 myself) if there are complications you would of course need more

Your friend should butt out

Women in the states go back to work days after giving birth due to piss poor maternity pay across the board so hardly that strange

everyone is different - you do you - I know a woman who had two children and each time only had two weeks off. It had not suited me but you have had one baby already so you know what to expect from a C section.