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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going back to work 2 weeks after birth?

224 replies

Jacklinjane · 14/08/2022 10:46

I'm 34 and have one child who is coming up to 21 months. LO has a disability and his dad gave up work to take care of him while I returned to my job 3 weeks after having a caesarian section. I work in IT so it's not a physical job. I expressed at work and had a little fridge beside my desk and everything worked.
The plan with the next one is to do the same but after speaking with GP today she's said I'll likely need another section. So I've started making preparations for this and my friend yesterday told me she thinks I'm not being fair on new baby or LO1 by going back to work that soon.
For context, I get a basic wage but I get huge bonuses every month that are almost triple my basic wage. Maternity doesn't scratch what I earn and what my mortgage costs.
My husband would be going back after 2 weeks if he was the one working so why is it not fair that I am? My work are accomodating and no one even minded the loud humming of my breast pump for so many hours in the day! If I'm physically able to go back, why should it matter?

OP posts:
Topgub · 14/08/2022 16:33

And I notice they're avoiding a seeing why it's OK for dad's to go back to work and cause their babies brain damage

Janedoe82 · 14/08/2022 16:33

It is nothing to do with pumping being harder. It is because of the benefits of skin to skin contact and the positive impact on maternal mental health.

Londonistheplace · 14/08/2022 16:34

Very funny that lots of people are citing the USA as an example of why it's OK for women to go back to work weeks after giving birth. The US is hardly a paragon of fair labour laws or good mental health. Anyway it's not the same, because in the US babies are literally going to childcare at 6 weeks (which is brutal and wrong, imo), not being looked after by their dads.

PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 16:34

Topgub · 14/08/2022 16:32

Can anyone explain why we are comparing a woman going to work and leaving the baby with its dad to children who have been abandoned and or removed from their parents?!

Absolute nonsense

Because @Janedoe82 doesn't seem to have any other way to back up her opinions than by using odd comparisons and studies she hasn't even read and fully understood

PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 16:35

Londonistheplace · 14/08/2022 16:34

Very funny that lots of people are citing the USA as an example of why it's OK for women to go back to work weeks after giving birth. The US is hardly a paragon of fair labour laws or good mental health. Anyway it's not the same, because in the US babies are literally going to childcare at 6 weeks (which is brutal and wrong, imo), not being looked after by their dads.

No one is using it to say it's ok

They're using it to counter those on here saying babies will be brain damaged by their mother leaving them to go to work

If that were true there would be a lot of brain damaged American children out and about

Janedoe82 · 14/08/2022 16:37

The comments about children in care were in relation to Pollypockets suggestion that children who are adopted from birth don’t have attachment issues having been removed from their mother as it is all grand as they have a new mother.
Which is not the case.
Babies can not spend 9 months in the womb and then simply taken away from mum to be cared by someone else with no impact.

hellosunshineagainx · 14/08/2022 16:38

I work for myself so I can only afford two weeks for this second baby I am also having an elective section after an emergency one last time. Do what works for you.

Topgub · 14/08/2022 16:40

@Janedoe82

But thats not what's happening here

So its not relevant

Ops baby will be absolutely fine.

Its even going to get bm!

Not left under a bridge

Dammitthisisshit · 14/08/2022 16:40

If you were in my team I’d be doing everything I could to make you take at least 6 weeks off. (in the company I work for you get 100% pay initially, bonuses are averaged).
you need to get over the birth.
I appreciate you aren’t taking it as your she doesn’t work but for shared parental leave the first 6 weeks has to go to the mother.

Topgub · 14/08/2022 16:41

Although I do think its fairly ridiculous you genuinely seem to think ff babies are at risk of attachment issues

PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 16:42

Janedoe82 · 14/08/2022 16:37

The comments about children in care were in relation to Pollypockets suggestion that children who are adopted from birth don’t have attachment issues having been removed from their mother as it is all grand as they have a new mother.
Which is not the case.
Babies can not spend 9 months in the womb and then simply taken away from mum to be cared by someone else with no impact.

Are you claiming the well accepted facts that F2A significantly reduces instances of attachment disorders in children are incorrect?

Odd that.

There is a reason F2A is recommended where possible. As the child can form a secure attachment without it being broken by foster placements.

Janedoe82 · 14/08/2022 16:46

Obviously fostering to adopt is better than removing a child from a foster placement but it is still better (when obviously possible) for a baby to remain with their mother!

Janedoe82 · 14/08/2022 16:48

I honestly can not believe that anyone is arguing that it is totally fine to leave a two week old baby with a father (however good) rather than with their mother who has just had major surgery so she can go back to work.

PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 16:50

Janedoe82 · 14/08/2022 16:46

Obviously fostering to adopt is better than removing a child from a foster placement but it is still better (when obviously possible) for a baby to remain with their mother!

No

It's better where possible for a child to remain with their biological parents when looking at adoption.

Not mother in particular

Unless you'd like to find evidence of childhood outcomes being better when children were returned to to care of their bio mother vs their bio father.

Topgub · 14/08/2022 16:50

@Janedoe82

But it is totally fine if the mum thinks it is.

If she is up to it physically and wants to, why shouldn't she?

The baby will be absolutely fine.

Sallyh87 · 14/08/2022 16:51

Janedoe82 · 14/08/2022 16:48

I honestly can not believe that anyone is arguing that it is totally fine to leave a two week old baby with a father (however good) rather than with their mother who has just had major surgery so she can go back to work.

Because, some women want to. Just because it is not your view of how it should happen does not mean it’s bad. The child will be cared for, be financially provided for and the mother will continue her career.

PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 16:51

Janedoe82 · 14/08/2022 16:48

I honestly can not believe that anyone is arguing that it is totally fine to leave a two week old baby with a father (however good) rather than with their mother who has just had major surgery so she can go back to work.

And I can't believe you honestly still think you're right on this despite not being able to prove the basis for your opinions at all

The links you have supplied throughout this chain have not backed up your claims

One said there was a small link but it wasn't statistically significant between BF and attachment

And the other merely went into the benefits of breast milk and serve and return. Both of which this child will still be benefiting from with expressed milk.

tillytown · 14/08/2022 16:53

Are the people who are asking why it's ok for fathers to leave after two weeks and not mothers being stupid on purpose or do you lot really not know how babies are made? Nor how long it takes to recover from pregnancy and birth?
OP, do whatever you want, but it's probably best to ignore the people who don't understand basic biology

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 14/08/2022 16:54

Janedoe82 · 14/08/2022 16:48

I honestly can not believe that anyone is arguing that it is totally fine to leave a two week old baby with a father (however good) rather than with their mother who has just had major surgery so she can go back to work.

But you are not showing anything to prove that it is harmful. It's your opinion which you're stating as fact.

PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 16:54

tillytown · 14/08/2022 16:53

Are the people who are asking why it's ok for fathers to leave after two weeks and not mothers being stupid on purpose or do you lot really not know how babies are made? Nor how long it takes to recover from pregnancy and birth?
OP, do whatever you want, but it's probably best to ignore the people who don't understand basic biology

The op has already done this before and was fine in terms of recovery.

imshapedlikeatoenail · 14/08/2022 16:59

Janedoe82 · 14/08/2022 10:54

It is too soon. Your baby needs to be with you to form a strong attachment and ensure their brain develops properly- that is fact.

🙄 this tripe is always peddled out.

imshapedlikeatoenail · 14/08/2022 17:01

georgarina · 14/08/2022 11:21

It's your choice...in the US you'd probably be forced to...but I personally wouldn't want to. Way too soon for a newborn to be without both parents imo. Who looked after your baby last time - would this baby be with them too?

Without both parents? What about when dads go back to work at 2 weeks or before? The newborn doesn’t have both parents then.

Topgub · 14/08/2022 17:01

@tillytown

Yeah, I'm not sure what shagging has to do with going back to work.

Unless you're a sex worker?

purplegal · 14/08/2022 17:05

Remember you will get 90% of your salary for 6 weeks and this will be calculated from your earnings between a specific time (can't remember when off the top of my head!) not your basic salary, so you won't be missing out on much for this initial period. I think do whatever works for you and your family, provided you feel physically ready to go back to work and you have enough time to bond with your baby x

Ilikecake05 · 14/08/2022 17:07

Haven’t read the other comments as there are a lot of them but I just wanted to say that I went back to work 10 days after having my baby to a physically demanding job (I am self employed). Not only did I have an emergency c-section but I also lost almost 70% of my blood volume due to placental abruption and had to have 3 blood transfusions. By all accounts I should be dead. This was 9 weeks ago and I have worked 50 hours a week ever since. My baby and I have an amazing bond. Our situation is a little different in that my baby goes to my mums if she’s not with my husband (who also works full time) and will come to work with me too. She maybe spends 2 mornings a week with my mum, 2 full days with my husband and the rest of the hours she’s at work with me in a sling! I guess my point is that because someone else can’t or can do something is no reflection on what you’re able to do so don’t pay much mind to what anyone else says. I’m extremely tired… it’s not an easy thing to do… but it works for us so I power through. It’ll get easier. I know this because she’s my 4th and I did exactly the same with the last 2. Granted I didn’t have the placental abruption or c-sections on those occasions but I thought stitches in the vagina were much more irritating than c-section stitches any day of the week.