To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

[cadburyegg]

I see this SO often. Examples

• both parents coming to another child's birthday party with their only child
• both parents coming to school pick up
• my ex in laws won't do anything separately - mil won't go shopping without fil
• at an info evening for reception, several children had both parents there, which meant their (often multiple children) were there too, causing disruption and making it tricky to hear what was being said
• refusing to make plans with friends at the weekend because it's "family time"
• when I was on maternity leave with DC2 I took both children out for the day and saw someone I know. She couldn't believe my bravery at taking both of the children out by myself
• on more than one occasion I have met up with a friend and their partner has also been there or has shown up half way through lunch etc, which I wasn't aware of. Totally changes the dynamic
• I see it on Mumsnet too - one person not wanting to go to a family meal and leave the other with the children

I know it's nice to have family time of course but I struggle with the idea that some people can't do anything on their own.
I'm a single parent AND an only child and so I'm used to doing things on my own with or without the children! My children are NOT easy either before anyone comments, DC1 is hypersensitive and very clingy whilst DC2 had delayed motor skills which means he still struggles with some physical stuff. So AIBU? I don't get it. I'm sure there are valid reasons but what are they?

Some couples like each other! They want to spend time together, and maybe share experiences or friends.
many people work really hard and time at the weekends is valuable so they want to spend it together.

Mmm. Some people are dicks and cant do fuck all for themselves.

“one person not wanting to go to a family meal and leave the other with the children”

Maybe because they’re family

Of course you're being unreasonable. It has fuck all to do with you and doesn't impact you whatsoever. Why would you even care?

My DH and I do most things together - we just like hanging out together?

in the example of things like an information night at school, it makes sense to both to go and hear it first hand (I wouldn’t drag kids to it though).

Similarly a family meal - we both like spending time with each other’s family.

Food shopping - we obviously go separately but often we’ll go on the way back from somewhere, so it’s convenient for us both to go in.

Totally agree with you OP. Some people are co-dependent and then use excuses like "we like each other" to cover up their weaknesses whilst managing to insult everyone else at the same time. Dreadful people.

Totally agree OP. In my experience it starts before having children too - I’ve got a friend whose DP shows up to meals/drinks out (often later in the evening) when it’s just us girls and I find it very odd. Also whole families going to Tesco together - surely one parent goes and the other stays at home with the kids?!

Sorry. Im hot and grumpy and tired of the heat. Ignore me please!

I think there can be multiple reasons, some healthy (they enjoy spending time together/value time together) some not healthy (they’re overly reliant on each other or controlling).

I guess people work their life in a way that suits them. Surely you’d expect no to parents to be at the school info evening if possible. Why would only one go if they could both go?

All of the things you've described sound really normal to me, both parents want to see their child have fun at a party, both parents want to collect child from school, both parents taking an interest in their child's schooling which is good, the weekend can be family time and if someone wants to prioritise that it shouldn't really be an issue etc etc

The only one I would think is odd, is a partner turning up part way through a pre arranged lunch with a friend, that would seem strange that they hadn't mentioned it.

I don't think it's that people can't do anything on their own, it's probably that they don't want to or have to, and quite enjoy doing things together.

I know what you mean. It's not hanging as a family some couples are joined at the hip.

If it works for then though it's their choice.

I think she means in cases when one parent doesn’t want to go or is ill or whatever, the other should go on their own with the kids.

Some people actually like their partners and enjoy spending time together as a family?

It does affect other people. For example when couples won't give way on pavements and you have to walk in the gutter, or during the pandemic when people were told to shop alone but couldn't cope without their partner. Or when you can't spend time with a friend without her partner turning up.

I had assumed all the 50 something couples who are joined at the hip are old married couples but having seen the sponsored ads for over 50s dating apps I've realised they're probably all loved up. It doesn't matter though. Let Go Of Your Partner's Hand When Someone Wants To Get Past You.

Ive a friend who does everything with her dh. She told me she doesn't like her own company. Im the opposite, i do most things myself and get annoyed if dh is always there.

I guess we're all different..

Hmm me and DH have separate and very different hobbies, meet ups and nights out with our own friends etc but most of the time I guess we're together. We both WFH for example, and without wanting to sound too twatty, he really is my favourite person to hang out with.

And like fuck am I going supermarket shopping on my own.

Absolutely this. The only weird one is them randomly turning up.

I do things alone with my children but also very much like having DP there.

We like doing nursery drop offs and pick ups when we can.

For families where both parents work often evening and weekends are the only times they get a chance to hang out as a family. So if their kid is going to a birthday party or something it's nice for them to get to go together.

I do almost everything with DH but he works full time so we don't spend the daytime together and make up for it out of work hours.

I love my husband and he doesn't want to miss out on any moments with the kids and I. We prefer to spend time together. We are a couple not a single.

I'm guessing you're part of a couple that does everything together then

It DOES impact other people actually, like the couple who brought along their 3 children to the reception info evening, all 3 were making noise throughout making it difficult for other parents to hear. But neither parent would take them out because of course both of them absolutely had to hear everything that was being said, it was totally impossible for just one of them to be there and take notes or pass on info to the other parent. That's what I did and I'm not even in a relationship with my children's dad anymore.

Hiw can you get to being an adult and not realise that different people live their lives in different ways.

The whole family going to a child's party thing irritates me.

The party is for the birthday child. Unless it's at a public venue it just clogs up the birthday child's party when whole families turn up when, for example, a 6yo child has been invited.

If there are 2 parents in a family and 2 small children then 1 parent should take the invited child. Don't turn up for a family day out unless you're all invited.

Some couples do everything together. They put their family above everything. That’s their choice and they’ve probably got a fantastic close relationship if they can keep it going all
the time. Of course it also means that another person can’t get to see one of them alone so you can’t have confidential chats with them and you can almost feel you’re intruding when you want to see one of them. I can see why you’d think a happy medium would be best.

Why is this an issue?
Sometimes I do things alone, and sometimes I do things with DH.
We food shop together a lot of the time, we plan family things to do at the weekend as we both work in the week and think it's important to spend time as a unit often.
We see friends separately, and DC stay with the other parent.
We attend family events together.

I find it more sad to think of marrying someone they can't stand and don't want to spend time with