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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did I over react?

192 replies

Serenstar1983 · 09/08/2022 20:13

Hi, first of all apologies for the potentially childish/tmi nature of this thread.

I'll just cut straight to the chase - my 13 year old dd was downstairs just now, chatting to me and my partner (just random chat, nothing important) and I had to go to the bathroom for...a number 2.

I'm quite shy about it all and the bathroom myself and my partner use is an ensuite in our bedroom.
I told him discreetly that I needed to go and he knows this basically means "stay out of the bedroom and keep everyone else out too until you see me again or hear the toilet flush".
He nodded in agreement,I used the loo and when I came back my DD sidled up to me with a grin on her face and told me "muuummm....DP said that you... (she looked towards the living room where my partner was)... went for a ..... poo".

By this time my partner had come into the room (we have an open plan living area so when she looked towards the living room she was looking at him around a wall separating the two areas) and said "thanks DD!" with an eye roll.

I was annoyed and embarrassed that he'd told her, also that he had blamed her and I told them both it wasn't her fault as he was the adult and Ieft it at that but he hasn't apologies or anything, is just acting like eveything's normal.

The thing is, 9 times out of 10 if I go to the loo for 'that' and my dd is downstairs, he'll tell her what I'm doing and I don't know why - his story is she asks to go into our bedroom "so what else am I meant to say"?

Am I being too sensitive or is he trying to embarrassing or undermine me in some way by telling my dd that I'm pooing?!

OP posts:
wineandcheeseplease · 09/08/2022 20:16

Errrr, YABU. No one cares if you are pooing! It's not something that only you does!

Unanananana · 09/08/2022 20:17

Its a poo, not heroin.

I think you need to unclench.

Onandupw · 09/08/2022 20:17

Why do you care if your daughter knows??? That is odd.

i mean it’s odd that you care but even odder that you’re okay for him to know but not your actual daughter

Butterlover1 · 09/08/2022 20:18

Jesus, it's only pooing..... we'll let you into a little secret.......we all do it. 😱

TheStarsDontShine · 09/08/2022 20:19

Bit weird - who cares if you're having a poo It's not like it's a secret, everyone does it (afaik 😂)

vodkaredbullgirl · 09/08/2022 20:19

💩

EmmetEmma · 09/08/2022 20:21

OP, YANBU - I don’t get why it matters to you that your daughter knows that you are pooing - but the point is that it does, and that he knows this, and he keeps telling her.

it might be because he doesn’t understand your concerns (and I’m with him on that) but he should talk to you about it, rather than do something he knows will embarrass you.

Hugasauras · 09/08/2022 20:21

You are embarrassed to tell your own daughter?! Mine comes in and shouts PLOP at me Grin She's 3 mind.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 09/08/2022 20:21

My 5-yo is routinely right next to me when I’m in the washroom. While I would love a bit more privacy than that, I would say that you have waaaay over-corrected.

godmum56 · 09/08/2022 20:21

please don't teach your daughter that moving the bowels doing a poo taking a dump having a shit is anything to be embarassed about.

Scurryfunge12 · 09/08/2022 20:21

You’re being so weird. You struggle to even type the word. It’s really quite childish. Everyone poos, you need to get a grip I think.

PinkFizz1 · 09/08/2022 20:22

Why are you making going for a poo a taboo subject?! Your daughter will pick up on this, and will probably hold back talking to you about things like periods/sex as she gets older, if she’s being taught that a normal bodily function like going for a poo is taboo and shouldn’t be spoken about.

Eeiliethya · 09/08/2022 20:23

Cmon OP, you're giving this too much brain space.

I've got a 5 year old and not had a shit in peace for said 5 years. It's become a spectator sport now.

Dotcheck · 09/08/2022 20:24

Why do you have to tell him you’re using the loo?Why do you feel you need him to protect you?
Is there not a lock? If so, why not?
If you just went to the loo, no one would care

ComtesseDeSpair · 09/08/2022 20:24

What would you prefer him to tell her when you disappear off upstairs for several minutes and she asks where you’ve gone? Lie to her and then have to come up with excuses as to why she can’t go upstairs? I’d imagine he’s thoroughly fed up after god knows how many years of having to keep poo a secret.

MrsTimRiggins · 09/08/2022 20:24

this is a very, very weird thread. You’ll give your daughter some serious issues if you truly act like this around her

itswafflesgirl1010 · 09/08/2022 20:25

I do think you're being too sensitive. No one really cares about bodily functions..especially your own kids. Maybe it's something you feel self conscious about but I definitely don't think your partner was trying to do anything malicious to humiliate you or anything.

Original poster
Serenstar1983 · 09/08/2022 20:25

EmmetEmma · 09/08/2022 20:21

OP, YANBU - I don’t get why it matters to you that your daughter knows that you are pooing - but the point is that it does, and that he knows this, and he keeps telling her.

it might be because he doesn’t understand your concerns (and I’m with him on that) but he should talk to you about it, rather than do something he knows will embarrass you.

Yes this is the problem.

None of us like to be 'caught' having a poo and my partner is included in this - he asks me to leave the room if he needs to go so he knows exactly my feelings on the matter.

It's just that I feel like he's doing it to embarrass me somehow and it's a deliberate action because surely he could have just told her - anything else (I'm getting changed or whatever) to stop her going in the bedroom (she wanted to get my phone to google something).

OP posts:
EsmeeMerlin · 09/08/2022 20:25

To create a argument with your partner over this would make you extremely unreasonable and weird. Seriously cannot believe you wrote a thread about a non issue. Your dd is 9, she knows what you do in a toilet. You need to get a grip and grow up tbh. We all do it!

FizzyFucker · 09/08/2022 20:26

He's not taking it seriously because you are being ridiculous.

ReeseWitherfork · 09/08/2022 20:26

Unanananana · 09/08/2022 20:17

Its a poo, not heroin.

I think you need to unclench.

😅

This tickled me.

OP how do stop your daughter following you and/or barging in when you’re on the loo? Tips please.

HarrietSchulenberg · 09/08/2022 20:26

Good god, are you actually upset that your dd knows you completed a bodily function? Your use of "number 2" and "that" makes you sound rather prim, which is weird.

GrazingSheep · 09/08/2022 20:27

Your dd is 9

She’s 13.
All very weird.

Tee20x · 09/08/2022 20:27

YABU why are you pooing in secret in your own house & why do you have to discreetly tell your partner that you are going for a poo? Why can he know you're pooing but it's embarsssing for your daughter to know?

Doesn't your daughter poo? How did you toilet train her if pooing is something to be embarrassed about.

Very strange & you are overthinking this.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/08/2022 20:28

This is really weird, what a drama!