Did I over react?

[Serenstar1983]

Hi, first of all apologies for the potentially childish/tmi nature of this thread.

I'll just cut straight to the chase - my 13 year old dd was downstairs just now, chatting to me and my partner (just random chat, nothing important) and I had to go to the bathroom for...a number 2.

I'm quite shy about it all and the bathroom myself and my partner use is an ensuite in our bedroom.
I told him discreetly that I needed to go and he knows this basically means "stay out of the bedroom and keep everyone else out too until you see me again or hear the toilet flush".
He nodded in agreement,I used the loo and when I came back my DD sidled up to me with a grin on her face and told me "muuummm....DP said that you... (she looked towards the living room where my partner was)... went for a ..... poo".

By this time my partner had come into the room (we have an open plan living area so when she looked towards the living room she was looking at him around a wall separating the two areas) and said "thanks DD!" with an eye roll.

I was annoyed and embarrassed that he'd told her, also that he had blamed her and I told them both it wasn't her fault as he was the adult and Ieft it at that but he hasn't apologies or anything, is just acting like eveything's normal.

The thing is, 9 times out of 10 if I go to the loo for 'that' and my dd is downstairs, he'll tell her what I'm doing and I don't know why - his story is she asks to go into our bedroom "so what else am I meant to say"?

Am I being too sensitive or is he trying to embarrassing or undermine me in some way by telling my dd that I'm pooing?!

Jeez the op is allowed to feel that way. Everyone coming on and saying "well in my house blah blah blah!"

I think there are a few issues here. I also think your dh did do it to embarrass you. I don't actually think it matters how much people are happy to have a shit whilst their partner is in the shower! He chose to do it because he knew it would upset you. That's not very nice and I'll bet there is more to his behaviour.

I think most of the replies on here would be just perfect for him to say it's you who has the problem. Don't doubt yourself. It bothers you, he's a twat!

The OP has allowed her own repressed nature impact her children

Who are now all funny about their own bowl movements

She is utterly unreasonable

Despite the update OP I still think you are unreasonable, even more so as you have passed your bizarre bowel habits onto your children

Im pretty sure this must be made up but if not op, you are seriously damaging your children making them believe that normal bodily functions should be hidden away and never discussed.

What would happen if one of your kids, just for example was pooing blood? They would be too embarrassed to come speak to you about it because you have made what is a completely normal bodily function into an embarressment that should never be discussed.

This is just so weird and unhealthy.

FWIW i live with DH and 2 adult sons and we never discuss going to the toilet unless one of them doesn't clean the toilet properly after they've been

Of course it's unreasonable to you, it is to me aswell but why should the op not beable to have actual advice? Everyone is just saying the same thing! We all have our own unreasonable issues we pass on to our children. I'm not sure any of us can judge on that.

I don't like blood. But only certain blood. From certain injuries. My own doesn't bother me! Makes no sense but dh knows this and most definitely wouldn't go out of his way to upset me about it! Why would he? That's cruel.

It would be nice to see someone who thinks outside the echo chamber of this thread.

Wow how old are you? You’re going to make your children think bodily motions are embarrassing! No one cares if you’re going for a poo and you’re making a massive deal out of it. You don’t want your children holding in their poo because they’re embarrassed so you need to stop it!

Maybe your kids have issues with pooing because you do too?! It isn’t normal to be that worried about pooing around your family!!

just go for a poo, lock the door and don’t tell anyone where you’re going. You’re dramatizing it.

Some children with SEN can be quite particular about the smells associated with their bowel movements and others going in after them, etc.

Blaming the Op for that is disgusting tbh.

@SaySomethingMan

All of her children are funny about it

Are you honestly saying it's got nothing to do with having a mother who thinks having a shit is some kind of moral crime?

Jesus Christ, mumsnet is laughable sometimes.

And I know, you'll think I'm only saying this because you've all told me I'm 'wrong'.

But have you really, honestly come to a conclusion, from the three posts I've made on this thread, that I never talk to my children about bodily functions?! It's a bloody big jump from me wanting people to stay out of the bedroom when I'm pooing to telling me my children are gonna die of bowel cancer because they're too scared to tell me they're bleeding! Fuck me.

For the record, I regularly talk about poo - from the skid marks in the toilet, to asking my daughter whether she's had a poo recently if she tells me she has a stomach ache, to my 15 year old telling me the other day that he poos more often when he eats more (he's autistic so yes should probably know why this is but I explained it to him anyway!)

I'm done posting now as like someone else said, all that's happened is everyone's making insane assumptions about my family life and not really offering any advice on the real issue which was I thought my partner was out of order for trying to deliberately embarrass me.

But thanks to the couple of people who - although they still thought I was weird - kind of understood where I was coming from and didn't just join in with the bully vibe.

Oh op, go back and read your posts. I understand you’re incredibly angry that your behaviour isn’t healthy or normal round defacating, but read it back , from the he should have lied, rhe no one wants to be. “Caught” about your embarrassment about your children knowing what you’re doing, to your secret code to your partner so no one comes near, to your kids embarrassment. Can you really not see it?and why folks are disturbed and reacting to the stuff you are writing?

I thought my partner was out of order for trying to deliberately embarrass me

but this is the point op. There is nothing embarrassing about having a poo in your own home.

Ask Mumsnet to remove it if you think people have gone too far. It's not nice. I think I get what you're saying that ultimately you felt like he was trying to unnecessarily embarrass you and with that, undermine you really. I think it's just got lost in the OTT reactions. Sorry.

Problem with makiing a big thing of it is you will get teased mercilessly for it. Just use your en suite if needed and lock the door. No need to announce anything. Very odd.

Definitely a problem of your own making

I just don't get your need to announce to dp you are going to poo. When I want to go I just go, lock the door, and do it and don't announce it to anyone. Just stop making the announcement. You are making this a huge issue where it is not an issue.