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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I over react?

192 replies

Serenstar1983 · 09/08/2022 20:13

Hi, first of all apologies for the potentially childish/tmi nature of this thread.

I'll just cut straight to the chase - my 13 year old dd was downstairs just now, chatting to me and my partner (just random chat, nothing important) and I had to go to the bathroom for...a number 2.

I'm quite shy about it all and the bathroom myself and my partner use is an ensuite in our bedroom.
I told him discreetly that I needed to go and he knows this basically means "stay out of the bedroom and keep everyone else out too until you see me again or hear the toilet flush".
He nodded in agreement,I used the loo and when I came back my DD sidled up to me with a grin on her face and told me "muuummm....DP said that you... (she looked towards the living room where my partner was)... went for a ..... poo".

By this time my partner had come into the room (we have an open plan living area so when she looked towards the living room she was looking at him around a wall separating the two areas) and said "thanks DD!" with an eye roll.

I was annoyed and embarrassed that he'd told her, also that he had blamed her and I told them both it wasn't her fault as he was the adult and Ieft it at that but he hasn't apologies or anything, is just acting like eveything's normal.

The thing is, 9 times out of 10 if I go to the loo for 'that' and my dd is downstairs, he'll tell her what I'm doing and I don't know why - his story is she asks to go into our bedroom "so what else am I meant to say"?

Am I being too sensitive or is he trying to embarrassing or undermine me in some way by telling my dd that I'm pooing?!

OP posts:
Arnaquer · 09/08/2022 20:46

2 things for me

  1. Why do you feel the need to tell your partner that you are going for a poo
  1. Why are you so embarrassed about your daughter knowing about it?

She's going to end up with some serious issues there .

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 09/08/2022 20:47

9 times out of 10... Ok, so this happens a lot.

Next time, announce it loudly. "I'm going for a poo. Steer clear!"

Best way to avoid it being an issue is to not make an issue of it!

Pqpqpqpq · 09/08/2022 20:47

What do you mean by being "caught"? ! Its a totally natural thing not like taking a quick sniffter from a whisky bottle or something. I can understand you not wanting someone nearby when you're having a poo but that's about it. Yr dd probably asked wheres mum and dad said she having a poo although most people would say she's gone to the toilet tbh. Sounds like he said but don't tell I told you though.
You've now given your teen dd something to tease you about.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 09/08/2022 20:48

Or, y'know, just go

Bluetrews25 · 09/08/2022 20:48

Why, if it only takes 3 minutes, do you have to make a public announcement anyway?
Just get up, go , come back!
Do they both have to know where you are every single second of the day?

SpringIntoChaos · 09/08/2022 20:50

OP...why are you embarrassed about this though??? Seriously...you really do need to address this as YOUR issue. It's not healthy to be so hung up about it.

Forget about the 'my DH told my DD that I'd gone for a poo' scenario just for a minute!!! That honestly is not your problem here!! Your real problem...is that you actually HAVE a problem with it in the first place 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Jeez Louise! Seek help!

Arnaquer · 09/08/2022 20:50

*But you're all missing the point
*
How exactly are we missing the point? You asked AIBU and most people are saying that you are

MILLYmo0se · 09/08/2022 20:51

What exactly is it that you want or expect him to say to your DD when you go to the bathroom? Whatever it is, tell him and next time she asks where you are or wants to go into your room if he announces you are pooing well you know he is trying to embrass you rather than just being a bit thick and not grasping the fact that he is embarrassing you.
I think posters are being a bit hard on you, you find it embarrassing and im sure youd rather not feel this way about it, we all have our 'thing'. Do you know why it is your can tell your bf but are embarrassed by him telling DD? Its possibly the fact that you announce it albeit discreetly to him thats leading to him announcing it to her..... Can you just leave the room and go without announcing it to anyone? Lock the bedroom door if it makes you feel better.

ChampagneCharlieIsMyName · 09/08/2022 20:51

You’d hate living in our house, we both boldly declare “I’m off for my morning poo now”

Tandora · 09/08/2022 20:51

Christ almighty- it’s a poo- we all do them! What’s wrong with your dd knowing that her mum poos ? She presumably does too- do you want her thinking it’s some kind of dirty secret?

SushiSuave · 09/08/2022 20:52

Well you asked him to keep her out of the room so you could have a poo. Therefore if she wanted to go in your room, he told her not too and she asked why, what else is he supposed to say?
And he doesn't tell her when you've gone for a wee because presumably you don't care about anyone being in the next room when you have a wee.

Don't get sarcastic because you are unanimously being told you're being unreasonable. Accept it or don't ask the question.

AWobABobBob · 09/08/2022 20:52

This has got to be a troll. You can't be this pathetic about going for a poo.

MoveBitch · 09/08/2022 20:53

So you basically tell your partner everytime you do a poo?
Thanks wierd.
Why are you so worried about someone else knowing? Do you not fart either?

Flowersintheattic57 · 09/08/2022 20:53

If you don’t want your husband to embarrass you about sharing your poo events, don’t tell him in the first place.
Who, after the age of ten, and I’m being generous here, announces that they are going for a poo?
A simple excuse me will suffice.

bloodywhitecat · 09/08/2022 20:58

Don't make a taboo subject out of perfectly normal, natural bodily functions. People literally die from the shame of not being able to seek help when they have signs and symptoms that are abnormal. Everyone poos. It's normal.

Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 09/08/2022 20:59

You are upset because your partner didn't lie to your child?!

itswafflesgirl1010 · 09/08/2022 21:00

He probably doesn't tell her every time you have to pee because you just get on with it and do it without making it a thing. Would definitely be the same way if you didnt make a fuss about hiding away for poos. If you just did as you would for wees then no one would batt an eyelid but its kind of drawing even more attention to it by getting your partner to keep everyone away. Even if she needed to go to your room for something she's surely not going to be interested at all or listening out and wondering what you are up to. By making it into a big deal it's just making people pay even more attention to when you do go.

excitingusername · 09/08/2022 21:02

If this is a real thread there's some psychological issues going on. I was raised in a large family and a moderate bit of actual toilet humour is important. You need to relax big-time as your daughter is going to think it is shameful.

Part of me thinks this is trolling.

bruce43mydog · 09/08/2022 21:02

Your Dp is only making it a issue and telling DD where you were, because your making an issue out of it. If you just went to the toilet without announcing it before hand it would be okay.
Cant you get a lock on your bedroom door so no one can come into the bedroom while your using toilet? Pooing is normal, we all poo.

TommySaid · 09/08/2022 21:03

YABVU

I can see being embarrassed about going for a poo in front of a new partner but your own DD!

You’re going to give the poor girl serious issues for the future.

Your DP has the sense to not hide such a silly thing from your DD.

If you don’t want anyone disturbing you then just tell them both you’re going to the toilet.
If they think it’s a poo then so be it.

CrystalCoco · 09/08/2022 21:04

Nah, no one needs to know when someone is going for a poo, the only reason to tell DP is to ensure privacy, not so he can TELL DD.

I, (like OP) like to poo in peace, no drama, but I can GUARANTEE that if I don't say to DH that I'm going for a poo, then he'll come into the bedroom (also en-suite)

Is there nowhere we can poo in PEACE without people having to know about it??

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 09/08/2022 21:09

CrystalCoco · 09/08/2022 21:04

Nah, no one needs to know when someone is going for a poo, the only reason to tell DP is to ensure privacy, not so he can TELL DD.

I, (like OP) like to poo in peace, no drama, but I can GUARANTEE that if I don't say to DH that I'm going for a poo, then he'll come into the bedroom (also en-suite)

Is there nowhere we can poo in PEACE without people having to know about it??

But why does it matter?

latetothefisting · 09/08/2022 21:14

I don't get it...why if you were all talking, did you have to tell your dp 'discreetly,' - just say to both of them 'just popping to the loo,' or 'just going to grab something from the bedroom.' You were weird to make such a song and dance about it and to be so uptight, DP was weird to then joke about it with DD, and tbh DD is a bit too old to find it amusing or worth teasing you about! Why does DP need to know what you're doing to keep DD out of your room, she's 13 not 3, surely she can go 3 minutes without following you to the toilet? And if she does walk in and hear you pooing, so what! DP probably finds it a bit unnecessary that you tell him, discreetly or otherwise, every time you go for a shit!

hangrylady · 09/08/2022 21:18

I'm sorry, your embarrassed about your own daughter knowing you're doing a poo, is that right? Sorry that's very weird.

StripeyDeckchair · 09/08/2022 21:20

YABU
You arr teaching your daughter that normal bodily functions are embarrassing and not to be discussed or mentioned.

I hope she never has an illness that affects her bowels because embedding this attitude could stop her from seeking help to the long term detriment of her health.