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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I over react?

192 replies

Serenstar1983 · 09/08/2022 20:13

Hi, first of all apologies for the potentially childish/tmi nature of this thread.

I'll just cut straight to the chase - my 13 year old dd was downstairs just now, chatting to me and my partner (just random chat, nothing important) and I had to go to the bathroom for...a number 2.

I'm quite shy about it all and the bathroom myself and my partner use is an ensuite in our bedroom.
I told him discreetly that I needed to go and he knows this basically means "stay out of the bedroom and keep everyone else out too until you see me again or hear the toilet flush".
He nodded in agreement,I used the loo and when I came back my DD sidled up to me with a grin on her face and told me "muuummm....DP said that you... (she looked towards the living room where my partner was)... went for a ..... poo".

By this time my partner had come into the room (we have an open plan living area so when she looked towards the living room she was looking at him around a wall separating the two areas) and said "thanks DD!" with an eye roll.

I was annoyed and embarrassed that he'd told her, also that he had blamed her and I told them both it wasn't her fault as he was the adult and Ieft it at that but he hasn't apologies or anything, is just acting like eveything's normal.

The thing is, 9 times out of 10 if I go to the loo for 'that' and my dd is downstairs, he'll tell her what I'm doing and I don't know why - his story is she asks to go into our bedroom "so what else am I meant to say"?

Am I being too sensitive or is he trying to embarrassing or undermine me in some way by telling my dd that I'm pooing?!

OP posts:
DeadbeatYoda · 09/08/2022 22:08

You have to get past this. Are you 'embarrassed' about other bodily functions too? You have a child, OP, she needs to learn that her bodyily functions are normal and nothing to be ashamed of. It's important that you can be open about these things. The first thing I ask my teens if they have a stomach ache is 'is it wind? Have you had a poo recently?

mrsDracoMalfoy · 09/08/2022 22:09

Macaroni46 · 09/08/2022 22:05

MN is full of midsummer madness today!
In my house, people often announce that they're going for a poo and upon their return are asked if they were successful 😂

Same here.
Or we say - give it a while before going in there....

NerrSnerr · 09/08/2022 22:14

Next time will just say I'm popping to the toilet to dd and hopefully that will suffice.

I don't understand why you need to tell any of them anything? Just go to the toilet, it doesn't need any kind of announcement. If they happen to go into your room and see the en-suite door is shut they'll surely just assume you're using the toilet and get on with their day?

Mally100 · 09/08/2022 22:18

Maybe he told her so that you stop acting so stupid about this. Fgs you are a bloody grown woman and that's your child. You are now creating an issue for your daughter as well. Honestly you should be embarrassed, grow up!

Sally872 · 09/08/2022 22:18

Yabu. Partner shouldn't lie to dd. If she asked for your phone then mum is using the bathroom is acceptable answer. Getting changed would be an obvious lie when you weren't changed. Unless dd didn't ask and he told her anyway then he did nothing wrong.

I assume dd also knows you are embarrassed by poo so letting you know she knows is not kind, so i think she is more to blame.

I would like to poo without people knowing but i cant remember the last time i went without someone looking for me. However i would find it even more embarrassing to alert dh to the situation every time.

It shouldn't matter this much, i would work on how you deal with this in future.

elm26 · 09/08/2022 22:22

You'd hate my house. Most of us say "going for a poo see you in 2" 😂

Then again, normal bodily functions are not seen as something secret here.

Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 09/08/2022 22:23

It's daft to get this uptight about it - everyone goes to the toilet and it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

You should come to my house, you'd be on the toilet and DS would come in to ask for pocket money, the dog would want pets and DH would have a question that only I can answer Right Now.

UrsulaPandress · 09/08/2022 22:28

Poo troll

Jollygreen · 09/08/2022 22:31

Move in with my DH for a week, that'll soon de-sensitise you.

You'll get a warning beforehand that he's going for a shite. You may get a warning that it's best to leave the adjoining rooms.

You may or may not get a report/warning when he's left the bathroom of how long to avoid. It for. There's no avoiding poo banter in our house. Though he's told to knock it the fuck off +/- 2 hours of mealtimes.

It's pure living with Jim Royle.

Luckily he has a million other good qualities.

Jollygreen · 09/08/2022 22:32

UrsulaPandress · 09/08/2022 22:28

Poo troll

I miss the proper poo troll.

wordlewordle · 09/08/2022 22:33

Unanananana · 09/08/2022 20:17

Its a poo, not heroin.

I think you need to unclench.

😂😂😂

MumofSpud · 09/08/2022 22:34

Your io takes 3 minutes?!
My morning poo takes a wordle / a Quordle and a check of the Daily Fail Headlines

kittenkipping · 09/08/2022 22:35

I love ops who come to aibu only to stomp and cry "no I'm NOT!" When told they are.

Op- I'm poo shy. It's why I have a lock on my bathroom door and struggle to go on long holidays. Nonetheless your whole home culture seems bizarre.

  1. You shouldn't see it as secret nor your dp as secret keeper. This is for your dds sake as you are teaching her very odd things to feel about normal functions.
  1. Proof that she doesn't have normal understanding or approach to bodily functions is that at 13(!) she siddles up to you with a grin on her face and says "he says she said you done a poo!" It's the actions of a toddler, not a 13 year old girl ffs!

Fix what you have broken and start addressing your issues so that you can teach your daughter NORMAL ways to deal with the slight embarrassment of pooing. I understand that's not easy (as I said I had to work hard to do this for my children as I previously would easily and willingly curtail my life to avoid pooing in what I saw as public- including hotel rooms/ boyfriends houses etc)

Fireflygal · 09/08/2022 22:36

Yes, you have overreacted.

How many bathrooms did you have? Just use one with a lock.

PinkiOcelot · 09/08/2022 22:39

WTF have I just read. Why do you have to tell him you’re going. Why don’t you just take yourself off to the toilet?! What a none issue!

ShrewIcecream · 09/08/2022 22:45

YABU

Nietzschethehiker · 09/08/2022 22:51

On one very small aspect I sort of understand (very small ) in that we really aren't a toilet humour house at all. If I've gone for a poo DP would probably just say that I am in the loo. It wild be odd on our house to specify what kind. That said it would be as much as a raised eyebrow for saying it out loud. That's it. There would be no nastiness but a mildly raised eyebow as I " why would you need to specify that.. but ok wierdo " non verbal look.

However it's actually really not OK to expect a house , especially dc to tiptoe around odd insecurities like that.

You indicate your meter is off because there is a massive difference between asking someone to leave the bathroom or adjoining bedroom when you are pooing (you reference that as an example of your dp being the same.... its not remotely the same ...at all) and being cross or upset that they ever referred to it.

I grew up with a df who had loads of these "little " insecurities. It really isn't ok, it fosters neuroses in children.

Just knock it off... calm down. Move on and honestly consider that these fussy behaviours actually have a detrimental affect on children. Whether you like it or not. Deal with your issues.

ladydimitrescu · 09/08/2022 22:51

Why did you even tell him you were off for a poo? This is so weird - yes YABU. You're an adult.

RainbowMumzy · 09/08/2022 22:55

This is absolutely bizarre.

Juanmariaramierz · 09/08/2022 22:58

You are full of shit I think..

Tangelablue · 09/08/2022 23:05

Get locks on your bedroom and bathroom door and a radio. How have you managed to poo in private with a child for all these years? I have a 5 year old so I'm forever announcing that I'm on the toilet, and having a poo.
If he continues telling your daughter when your pooing then ltb.

emerald7 · 09/08/2022 23:07

Yes you over reacted

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 09/08/2022 23:08

Why is your DP lying to your DD better then him telling her you're in the bathroom so that she doesn't go in the bedroom? You said you don't want anyone in the bedroom while you're in the toilet, I think he can keep her out or tell her you're in the bathroom, not both because that involves lying. Your DD will realise he's lying and that will undermine their relationship, especially if he says ' Seren is getting changed" like you suggested and then you come out in the same clothes.

rumblefish23 · 09/08/2022 23:10

Drama about a poo

Mississipi71 · 10/08/2022 00:07

This reminds me of the old advert, where the little boy says he wants to poo at Paul's house 😂