AIBU to decline this wedding now?

[FamilyNightmares]

We have been invited to a family wedding overseas. It is going to cost a lot of money to go as it is far flung and you have to stay there a min no. of nights. Literally, it is going to cost a fortune. We are expected to go and there will be nuclear fallout if we don't. We don't have a close relationship with the bride and groom. I am massively put out that we have to spend this much money and cut back on other things to do so, but I accepted that we were going.

However, we now have the invitation and it is in term time (June) and I don't even know if my DC will be doing exams then? Also, during this week it is my DC's 18th and will be celebrating it on this day.

I know the B&G can do what they like etc. and it is their wedding and they owe us no consideration. However I now feel an adamant "NO" and that their wedding is just costing me too much and I am not prepared to miss my DC's milestone to go to their wedding.

Decline now before you know their exam dates.
You may be overestimating the fallout.

Just tell them you don't have the money. Not like you'll be alone next year in having to cut back

They invited you knowing you had school-age children. They must therefore realise that you cannot go. Decline as quickly as you can. Don't mention the birthday, just important school time, just not feasible.

You're not obligated to accept any invitation to do anything.
As it is in term time then a polite decline would be fine. "Regret we are unable to attend due to a preexisting commitment."

They probably only invited you to be polite; they’ll be happy with declines.

(That sounded harsher than intended! I meant all b&gs are happy to cut the catering budget for people they don’t know well!)

They invited you knowing you’d decline

It’s term time, that’s the only reason you need!

Just say it's simply not feasible for you to attend but you appreciate the invite. Send them a card. Job done!

If you have a DC turning 18, they will likely have some exams for a level/BTEC? If so they are required to be in the country and available
to take exams up until the contingency day which is around the end of June.

Don’t go obviously, from what you’ve said. You haven’t mentioned what family they are though and why there would be nuclear fall out, so maybe there’s something I’m missing?

We are expected to go and there will be nuclear fallout if we don't. We don't have a close relationship with the bride and groom.
So where's the fallout coming from then? Bigger story here.
You do NOT have to go, not at all.

Decline. If they have issues, ask them if they can guarantee your children good grades by bribing people since they are determined that your kids miss their exams. And call them bridezilla/groomzilla for demanding people attend their crappy abroad wedding.

If there is going to be fallout, go out blazing.

Definitely not unreasonable. I'd say unfortunately we won't be able to make it as it is term time. We hope you have a wonderful day and we will have you round for dinner after the wedding to celebrate. Only add that part if you actually want to see them of course. It sounds like they might be dicks from the nuclear fallout part so I wouldn't invite them if so & maybe include a voucher for an afternoon tea in the decline card.

Yeah, hell no. I'd rather spend the money on a holiday with my family.

Will your 18 year old be doing A levels/Btec? That would be a definite no. But if you have other kids at school then a term time wedding is out anyway.

They can ‘expect’ what they like-you don’t have to go.

Nuclear fallout as it is a sibling and parent will go ape shit.

Decline - you have a couple of cracking excuses there (exams & 18th). Far as I am concerned people declining is the risk people take when they opt for a foreign wedding.

Do they decline though Wavey? When we initially pushed back on it due to cost we were told "everyone else has accepted and doesn't have a problem with the cost". None of them are loaded. They all have average jobs.

I can't quite see that myself.

The timing is on your side - if DC is doing A-levels (or younger one doing GCSEs) there is no way they can go somewhere in June. If they cared about you being there they should have thought about that first. You could consider just you going, which would reduce the cost, but if that would involve being away for more than a couple of nights then it's reasonable to say you can't leave DC for so long at such an important time.

In which case the one sibling attends without family. You are way over thinking this

What age are your DC?

Decline.
You can't have a destination wedding and expect people to spend thousands to attend.

Fuck them. Let them go nuclear.

You can't magic up the money for it, your kid has exams around then - revision sessions even if not they exams yet, and the cost of basic living is about to go mental.

Just because other people can afford it doesn't mean you can.

It’s not your parent’s wedding and they’ll get over it.
I suspect that some of the other people who accepted and “don’t have a problem with the cost” do in fact have a problem with the cost, but are keeping quiet about it. Possibly because they’re scared of your parent!
It’s just not viable for you to go - it’s term time and you have school age kids, exam time which is massively stressful for them, 18th birthday. Put your child first!