DH examines his family members

[mercury101]

Is this strange? My DH is a doctor. I am too.

Whenever we go and visit his family, if one of them has a cough or cold they
ask him to bring his stethoscope and to examine them by listening to their chest.

My family have never asked this of me and I don't think ever would. Even if they did, I think I'd ask them to see their own GP anyway.

I find it weird him examining his sister and mother.

AIBU?

I think it sounds normal, obviously intimate examinations would be weird but him checking for a chest infection etc is perfectly fine.

I thought you were going to say he was a gynaecologis. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I think if it's something quick and simple cos he happens to be visiting, why not. If they're using him as their actual gp that's another matter.
My sister is a physio and when dh durations his ankle she had a look to give an opinion on whether it was serious enough for hospital or whatever. But she was visiting anyway and it was no big deal to have a quick look.
Like a lot of these kinds of questions things context, pattern and tone are everything.

I’m obviously the only one who thinks it’s unusual. I have several family members and many friends who are medics and I’d never ask them for advice, except perhaps in a general way.

It would put them in an awkward position as it’s against GMC rules.

They can’t give specific advice anyway as they don’t know my medical history.

Id never ask them to examine me unless it it was an emergency.

Oh yeah checking chest is the same as rectal exam, you sound like someone with issues.

I find it strange that people are jumping straight to the "at least he's not a gynaecologist hur hur" 'gag'

If him treating or assessing his only family is fine I don't see why him doing that as a job would be any weirder.

This is why I don't think he should do it at all. When do you refuse? Chest? Stomach? Breasts? Testicles? Prostrate?
When does it stop being ok and start being weird and how do you refuse to check your moms breast lump when you checked your sisters broken collar bone?

You have professional boundaries with family members? How odd.

When do you refuse?

When you have to palpate and erroneous area or get up inside your relative.

Don't be so silly, he's listening to their chest via a stethoscope not checking his mothers and sisters breasts for lumps. You've got a sick mind,THAT is your problem.

Erogenous🤣 it would be erroneous in those circumstances though

Do you realise how hard it is for lots of people to see a GP?
Having one in the family can certainly be handy- what’s more important than health?

Sounds quite normal but then I’m a person that has sent pictures of phlegm to dr friends to see if I should make a GP appointment. There clearly is a line though where I wouldn’t want family or friends to be my treating GP but when it is so hard to get an appointment/people worried re wasting time, it is very normal to ask family or friends if you should be worried about x or not. If my friends weren’t happy then I wouldn’t pester them. Where you might have to be slightly more careful with your husband is the frequency of examinations and whether that starts to push the balance over the relationship with your in-laws’ own doctors.

No, you're the odd one. My uncle is a doctor and has always examined and given advice to family.

Why is the gender important? I’m really suprised that as a dr you find it weird. It’s a medical check up using a stethoscope!

as an aside I always find it odd when anyone labels another family as “weird”. I assume that is because you are taking your family / ideas as normal. It seems from the thread that most “normal” families do lean on family members who are Drs for some advice or reassurance. I wouldn’t say you are weird for withholding the same from your family but it is weird to assume yours to be the “norm”

This.

”See your own GP” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 er how

I get this all the time as an NHS podiatrist. Where I lived before One of my neighbours turned up at 10pm wanting me to change her foot ulcer dressing as is wasn't comfortable. In the end I had to say I'm not a 24 hour on call service. Ring the surgery in the morning.
I dont mind family but not neighbours and neighbours friends.

Not weird imo.

ExFIL diagnosed my gallstones and gave me a shot of anti nausea medicine to keep me from barfing on a plane flight.

DS has access to all medical reports I get these days.

You are not being unreasonable at all.

Can't say I agree with your creepy statement. I wouldn't care in the least if a male or female relative listened to my chest.

I have friends who are doctors and I try really hard not to talk about medical stuff in case it looks as if I'm taking advantage. But I've recently had major surgery so when they ask me how it's going, it's impossible to avoid the topic.

Different scenario and less frequent than medical queries but I have professional experience in investing in equities etc. I'm happy to chat to any of my friends or family and give advice on their money.

I'm less happy that my father in law has signed over a sizeable chunk of his money that I have to invest and manage. I told him not to invest it as a lump sum last year as stock markets looked set to fall. Predictably he insisted and most of his investments are in the red.

It makes me feel very awkward although mercifully he's a sufficient technophobe that he can't log on to see the current value. He's also made me do the same for my nieces. So we all have our burdens to bear, sometimes you have to grin and bear it.

As a teenager I did exchange holidays with a French family over a period of several years. The mother was a GP, and the slightest sign of a headache, being tired, slightly under the weather, she'd be taking my blood pressure, temperature, stethoscope... the same with her daughters
The summer I got sun stroke everything went in to melt down 🙄.
Other than in france, I don't thik I had my blood pressure taken until I was in my 40s.

@Flat04 but that’s why the professional bodies have that guidance in place not to treat family/friends. The professional doesn’t have to draw the line, the line is drawn by their regulating body, some people have different areas of their body they feel to be vulnerable. We all ask people in our spheres for advice about all sorts of things, the line is crossed when it becomes a hands on exam.

Yes lots of people do but that doesn’t make it appropriate, I know of 2 situations where the outcome was tragic and was initiated by a harmless “could you just check…” now neither were the fault of anyone but it was the management around it that made them more difficult and had either of the “patients” chosen to make a complaint it would have been totally justified.

An emergency is totally different and you just have to manage but a pp talked about diagnosing a chest infection but not prescribing as fine, what do you do when on a Monday you’ve diagnosed it and by Thursday they still haven’t been seen by their GP? When do you step in? The rules are there not to make life difficult for people but because someone has been there done that and it’s ended in disaster.

It’s a solid half hour wait to even get through on the phone to my GP. Then you have to book a phone consultation and only then can you book an actual appointment to be seen if they think you need to. I’d be at the front of the queue asking for GP advice if one was coming round to my house anyway for a cuppa, whoever it is!

Read that as dh examining his families members. Must get to bed.... ☺️

You’re being totally unreasonable.

So you’re saying, that if one of your family was worried about their health, you wouldn’t do a quick exam to at least put their mind at rest? I think that’s awful of you!

I work in the banking sector and I’m forever helping friends and family with their finances. I’m happy to do it because I’m qualified to. My nephew is a sparky, and you can be damn sure he pops over if anyone has anything wrong with their electrics.
It’s what you do for family and friends.

Medic here too and large close family with ‘normal’ dynamics. I would not examine family member and the GMC are really clear about us not managing family and friends. I would of course take an interest and if they wish, will ask questions to determine if it sounds like nothing/call the GP on Monday/go to A&E etc but absolutely will not examine. I think it opens you up to blind spots: you assume your family member will tell you everything and of course they might not have disclosed all, and incorrectly they have assumed it’s not relevant . You absolutely cannot prescribe for them anyway so determining they might need antibiotics isn’t very helpful. We know 90% of a diagnosis is in a detailed history, so examining will contribute relatively little but sets you up to have taken a clinical role without all the equipment and not necessarily all the facts. I’m with you!

I think it's odd. Are his family a bunch of hypochondriacs? Most of us just get on with a cough or cold unless there's anything to suggest it requires a gp check.