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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH examines his family members

205 replies

mercury101 · 08/08/2022 18:23

Is this strange? My DH is a doctor. I am too.

Whenever we go and visit his family, if one of them has a cough or cold they
ask him to bring his stethoscope and to examine them by listening to their chest.

My family have never asked this of me and I don't think ever would. Even if they did, I think I'd ask them to see their own GP anyway.

I find it weird him examining his sister and mother.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MarshaMelrose · 08/08/2022 19:18

Musicaltheatremum · 08/08/2022 18:55

Totally inappropriate. You can't be objective with family or friends. GMC don't approve. You can listen to their symptoms and decide if they need to see a doctor and help guide them through NHS maze but I've always drawn the line at listening to chests etc. If they are ill enough to need examination they need to see a GP. I am 30 years a GP and have never examined family members and I have sent acquaintances away. My ex BIL did a rectal examination on his dad many years . Now that is awful. I was shocked

If your mother had a symptom but dismissed it as nothing but you felt it might be serious, would you just leave it because you don't want to examine her and she doesn't want to go to the doctors?

You're like one of the wildlife documentartists that see penguins fall in a hole but decide to leave them to die because they shouldn't interfere with nature. 😄

Ihatethenewlook · 08/08/2022 19:18

girlmom21 · 08/08/2022 19:10

She said she's a doctor, not a GP, and she knows she shouldn't be examining her own family members.

Show quote history

Why do people like you make things up? They’re being examined in a home setting. No different to you examining your own child by taking their temperature etc to try and determine if they’re ill. And I’ve literally just got this off the GMC website and it’s not illegal to treat family members at all. It’s discouraged unless it’s an emergency, but it’s not illegal

ancientgran · 08/08/2022 19:19

When my DD was born we went to visit an old friend of DHs. She'd married a doctor, he took DD and proceeded to examine her. We found it really funny and his wife had to tell him to stop. I don't think he even registered what he was doing.

Original poster
mercury101 · 08/08/2022 19:19

GingerScallop · 08/08/2022 19:16

This.
OP am freaked out that you think a brother listening to a sister's cough is creepy. Do you always make these connections? Have you considered you may be the creepy one?

Show quote history

Personally, I wouldn't want a relative, let alone a male relative examining me.

OP posts:
Ihatethenewlook · 08/08/2022 19:19

Attaching the screenshot would have helped

DH examines his family members
SmileyClare · 08/08/2022 19:21

It's not creepy Op. I think it's best to relax and not over think this or start throwing around GMC guidelines over a bit of advice between mum and son.

Your in laws will seem a bit strange as a family because their not "your" family. Perhaps your husband thinks your family are a bit weird!

I'd advise trying to be a bit more open minded. Maybe have a go on the stethoscope yourself if his mum starts coughing at your next get together. Wink

Mangledrake · 08/08/2022 19:21

Stethoscope (or taking blood pressure, using pulse oximeter) seems the right side of the professional boundary to me. Have a look / listen and if any cause for concern indicated, recommend GP visit. Doctors I know do this for family. It's not like prescribing / referring / diagnosing. It's a moderate upscale from taking temperature - they have the instruments and can give informed advice.

AnnaMagnani · 08/08/2022 19:22

If your mother had a symptom but dismissed it as nothing but you felt it might be serious, would you just leave it because you don't want to examine her and she doesn't want to go to the doctors?

That's absolutely not the same as examining your mother every time you visit.

If my mother had a symptom I thought was serious I would tell her why I didn't think she should be dismissing it, and direct her to an urgent appointment with her GP. I'd probably give her notes on what to ask. In fact I have done this and my DM ended up having lifesaving treatment.

Still am not packing my stethoscope for every time I visit. It's weird.

neveradullmoment99 · 08/08/2022 19:23

Its not weird at all. Only wish I had a doctor and a dentist in my family :)
Its just like having a hairdresser in the family cutting your hair. No big deal.
A hairdresser would be good to have too...

DorisWallis · 08/08/2022 19:23

I think signposting them to the relevant services (well the ones that are left) is fine
Years ago you could examine but now it's a big no no
Good luck explaining to the GMC why you went against their guidelines
Madness I know

TongueTwistr · 08/08/2022 19:24

This reminds me of a conversation with my friend's sister. She was telling me that at any kind of social gathering, at least one woman ends up showing her their vagina.
I explained that, as a man, that sounded great and asked her secret. "Just telling people that I've spent twenty five years as a nurse working in gynaecology" she answered.

azlazee1 · 08/08/2022 19:24

I think that sort of thing kind of goes with the territory. Doctors, lawyers etc are pretty much always asked for opinions. If he doesn't mind checking on close family members I think you should let it go.

MarshaMelrose · 08/08/2022 19:25

I wouldn’t advise a family member on anything from my professional life.

Not even on apprpriate plants if you were a gardener? Or a good recipe if you were a chef? Or filling the oil in the car if you were a mechanic? Or changing a lightbulb if you were an electrician?

That's what family members are for, isn't it?

SueSaid · 08/08/2022 19:25

Absolutely weird and totally inappropriate.

It is one thing to give advice as many hcps do with relatives, quite another to do physical examinations. You need to tell him op he's crossing a line getting his stethoscope out.

Oinkypig · 08/08/2022 19:25

@Blue4YOU it can also be that you could discover something worrying and you’re either left having to break that news or trying to get your family member to have it reviewed urgently with their own GMP. It’s just a bit of a minefield - it seems harmless enough and fine until it isn’t.

MargaretThursday · 08/08/2022 19:26

Normal here as well. I've phoned my Dr relatives on several occasions with queries and if we'd lived nearer would definitely have asked them to check things.

What was funny was when one of my doctor relatives had their first baby and phoned me for advice when they got their first cold. 🤣

WinterMusings · 08/08/2022 19:27

mercury101 · 08/08/2022 18:57

This is precisely the correct advice from GMC which I obviously agree with. I think on top normal issues, it's just a bit creepy. If you're a mother/ sister, why would you want to be examined by your son/ brother?

Show quote history

What?? Why is it creepy???

An internal would be a bit 'ewww' , but listening to their chest?

if you think thats creepy, I think you're unprofessional if you're actually a Dr. But it's the Internet, I'm a giraffe.

whynotwhatknot · 08/08/2022 19:27

thats not normal tongue eww

do they demand an examination very visit op

Kanaloa · 08/08/2022 19:27

DorisWallis · 08/08/2022 19:23

I think signposting them to the relevant services (well the ones that are left) is fine
Years ago you could examine but now it's a big no no
Good luck explaining to the GMC why you went against their guidelines
Madness I know

What do you think the GMC are going to boot down his door and scream ‘aha! You’re listening to your mum coughing! You’re done for!’

Where does that stop? Can he take his child’s temperature? Look at a blister his friend thinks might be infected? Have a conversation about eczema with his sister?

CallingOnAvengingAngels · 08/08/2022 19:27

My dad's a vet and I get him to check medical things for me! 😂

tenbob · 08/08/2022 19:28

My SIL is a GP and jokes that if her phone ever got stolen, the thief would probably hand it in to the police and report her, because her camera roll is 75% pics of rashes on kids bums, chests and backs, because everyone in our family and her friendship group sends her photos of their kids to ask if it’s chicken pox/eczema/an allergy

(for the sense of humour failures - of course she deletes the pics, but they are mostly sent without any warning)

And I follow Dr Amir Khan (the Tv doc) and he is always tweeting about how his mum makes him go and see his aunts when they have a bad knee/chest/eye, and he has thousands of followers, so the BMA can’t be that bothered about it

resuwen · 08/08/2022 19:29

nocoolnamesleft · 08/08/2022 18:39

I hope he's not prescribing anything for them. The GMC would be seriously unimpressed.

There's no suggestion they are doing this. Just listening to symptoms and giving advice. I am close to two doctors and it's completely normal for them to do this. Over the years I've seen them give advice ranging them from 'I think you're absolutely fine' to 'you should make an appointment with the gp' to 'just to be on the safe side, you should go to A&E'.

girlmom21 · 08/08/2022 19:30

@Ihatethenewlook I haven't made anything up. I said he should be examining them - which is exactly what you've said.

You're the one making up that OP is a GP when she hasn't said that because it's clearly super hard to understand there are other kinds of doctors.

NiqueNique · 08/08/2022 19:30

Well @mercury101 I initially misread the title as ‘examines his family’s members’ so at least it’s not as weird as that!

SmileyClare · 08/08/2022 19:30

It's not weird or creepy at all.

Plenty of sons and daughters care for their elderly parents on a daily basis; including dealing with incontinence.
I'm not sure what you're getting at by disproving of a male relative examining a female family member? Are you suggesting a sexual element? Confused

Try not to feel threatened by your husband's close relationship with his mum and sister. It'll drive a wedge between you and your dh. He shouldn't have to choose between you and them.