Page 4 | DH examines his family members

mercury101 · 2022-08-08T17:23:07+00:00

Is this strange? My DH is a doctor. I am too. Whenever we go and visit his family, if one of them has a cough or cold they ask him to bring his stethoscope and to examine them by listening to their chest. My family have never asked this of me and I don't think ever would. Even if they did, I think I'd ask them to see their own GP anyway. I find it weird him examining his sister and mother. AIBU?

girlmom21 · 08/08/2022 19:30

@Ihatethenewlook I haven't made anything up. I said he should be examining them - which is exactly what you've said.

You're the one making up that OP is a GP when she hasn't said that because it's clearly super hard to understand there are other kinds of doctors.

*shouldn't, ffs

SueSaid · 08/08/2022 19:30

'Where does that stop? Can he take his child’s temperature? Look at a blister his friend thinks might be infected? Have a conversation about eczema with his sister?'

Yes taking his child's temp is of course normal as is having conversations about eczema or blisters. The difference with a stethoscope is it is a physical examination where he would he attempting to diagnose. If a relative had a chesty cough the correct response would be to advise otc medicine and visit their gp if it worsened or lasted longer than 3 weeks.

MarshaMelrose · 08/08/2022 19:31

AnnaMagnani · 08/08/2022 19:22

If your mother had a symptom but dismissed it as nothing but you felt it might be serious, would you just leave it because you don't want to examine her and she doesn't want to go to the doctors?

That's absolutely not the same as examining your mother every time you visit.

If my mother had a symptom I thought was serious I would tell her why I didn't think she should be dismissing it, and direct her to an urgent appointment with her GP. I'd probably give her notes on what to ask. In fact I have done this and my DM ended up having lifesaving treatment.

Still am not packing my stethoscope for every time I visit. It's weird.

@AnnaMagnani
If my mother had a symptom I thought was serious I would tell her why I didn't think she should be dismissing it, and direct her to an urgent appointment with her GP. I'd probably give her notes on what to ask. In fact I have done this and my DM ended up having lifesaving treatment.

But say your mother had a mole on her back but had dismissed it as being OK. You haven't seen it so you don't know. Would you just leave it or would you have a quick look?

RichardMarxisinnocent · 08/08/2022 19:31

GreenTeaMom · 08/08/2022 18:35

@ChampagneCharlieIsMyName what are you on about? If you have a cold, flu etc it can be the start of a chest infection so it’s standard procedure to have a listen in. Have you never been to a doctors before?

This has confused me a bit - I've had a fair few coughs and colds in my life but have never been to my GP with one to ask them to listen to my chest and check I don't have a chest infection. Should I be doing so? Or if I had a chest infection would it be obvious to me in some way? Would there be some difference from a "standard" cough or cold which would prompt me to see a GP?

Oysterbabe · 08/08/2022 19:32

I think this is really normal and I will happily assist family members with things that relate to my profession.

ChampagneLassie · 08/08/2022 19:33

Batshittery · 08/08/2022 18:36

Bearing in mind that it's near on impossible to get an appointment with a GP, I don't think it's odd at all

This, wish we had a, Dr in the family

luxxlisbon · 08/08/2022 19:33

Personally, I wouldn't want a relative, let alone a male relative examining me.

Why are you making this creepy? He’s listening to a cough, not her arsehole. What the hell do their genders have to do with it and why is it in any way weird to be relayed??
Seriously, you are the weird one.

Springduckling · 08/08/2022 19:33

A friend is a dentist and sees his parents and other family as patients at the surgery. I don't see that as weird.

Is it different from a dr doing examinations?

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 08/08/2022 19:34

mercury101 · 08/08/2022 19:19

Personally, I wouldn't want a relative, let alone a male relative examining me.

Show quote history

I hate to tell you this, but its not his family that is the weird one.
Why is having a male relative listen to your lungs with a stethoscope so creepy to you???

Kanaloa · 08/08/2022 19:34

SueSaid · 08/08/2022 19:30

'Where does that stop? Can he take his child’s temperature? Look at a blister his friend thinks might be infected? Have a conversation about eczema with his sister?'

Yes taking his child's temp is of course normal as is having conversations about eczema or blisters. The difference with a stethoscope is it is a physical examination where he would he attempting to diagnose. If a relative had a chesty cough the correct response would be to advise otc medicine and visit their gp if it worsened or lasted longer than 3 weeks.

So he can give advice but without touching them? What is the difference between listening and saying ‘take otc medicine and visit doctor if it doesn’t go’ and just saying it without listening. Realistically this is just not a huge issue.

LeroyJenkinssss · 08/08/2022 19:35

how do you examine patients if you think it’s creepy?! I mean it’s listen to the back, hardly risqué stuff. I think you may need to look at your own examination style if you think this ventures into a weird area.

does no-one ask you for advice in your own specialty? I presume you’re not a GP. I’m not either and I get asked about lumps/bumps/aches all the time. I get shown my MIL’s feet constantly despite hating foot & ankle surgery. If I still owned a stethoscope I’m sure many of my friends would be asking for me to pop along with it.

honeylulu · 08/08/2022 19:37

It sounds pretty normal to me but then my mother is a podiatrist and it was quite common to go to relatives houses and they'd whip off their socks and ask her to look at their corns/verrucas etc. She would only do it for family though. Anyone else got told to make an appointment at her surgery!

SueSaid · 08/08/2022 19:38

'So he can give advice but without touching them?'

Yes. There is a line and listening to relatives chests is crossing it. What next, quick rectal exam for uncle who's been having problems passing urine? No. You listen and direct to the correct services be if pharmacy, urgent gp appointment or whatever.

OutnumberedByNone · 08/08/2022 19:38

mercury101 · 08/08/2022 18:57

This is precisely the correct advice from GMC which I obviously agree with. I think on top normal issues, it's just a bit creepy. If you're a mother/ sister, why would you want to be examined by your son/ brother?

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He's listening to their chest with a stethoscope. He isn't making out with them if that's your concern.

As for why (and I'm not saying any: of these are great reasons):

It's very hard to get an appointment with a GP

They might not want to waste time visiting a GP if their brother can quickly rule out anything serious while he's visiting anyway.

They might trust him more than a GP because he is family.

Frankly what I find creepy is that you are suggesting that there is anything untoward or perverted about this. Uggh.

kateandme · 08/08/2022 19:38

I would do this for my mums and sister in an instant.yup my brother too. I can still no my doctor training and diagnostic tests no matter who they are. Then going forward depending on what checking the chest resulted in I’d think of that.
iffi can tell them get rest and lempsip over waiting in line for the gp apt then that’s all the better for all concerned..or tell them to take anti inflammatory for a few days etc.or I might need to push them to get seen.
getting a doctors apt at the moment is absolutely fucking rediculous.
I no a few of my family members would be less comfortable telling me a I’ll.but some certainly would tell me things they wouldn’t be able to say to a doc.

Original poster

mercury101 · 08/08/2022 19:42

SueSaid · 08/08/2022 19:38

'So he can give advice but without touching them?'

Yes. There is a line and listening to relatives chests is crossing it. What next, quick rectal exam for uncle who's been having problems passing urine? No. You listen and direct to the correct services be if pharmacy, urgent gp appointment or whatever.

Thank you for understanding. I'm shocked that some poster's responses towards me. I respect professional boundaries and I apply those boundaries to family members also.

OP posts:

nocoolnamesleft · 08/08/2022 19:42

Have to love all the people telling me I'm wrong about the GMC frowning on it. But appear to have no medical background. I've been an NHS doctor for more than 20 years...

Oh, and I'm really disturbed by all the people who think you only listen to the back when auscultating the chest: that misses a lot of lung.

TommySaid · 08/08/2022 19:43

Surely this is the best reason to have a doctor in the family!

I think your views are really weird OP.
Do you have a bad relationship with your family?

SueSaid · 08/08/2022 19:43

'They might not want to waste time visiting a GP if their brother can quickly rule out anything serious while he's visiting anyway.'

There is not a chance he can rule out anything serious with a stretchoscope. He should be directing them to 111 or econsults for thorough reviews not a half arsed look at me I'm a Dr sesh at family gatherings.

Kanaloa · 08/08/2022 19:43

SueSaid · 08/08/2022 19:38

'So he can give advice but without touching them?'

Yes. There is a line and listening to relatives chests is crossing it. What next, quick rectal exam for uncle who's been having problems passing urine? No. You listen and direct to the correct services be if pharmacy, urgent gp appointment or whatever.

Yes that’s right. Listening to someone’s cough means you can’t possibly resist sticking your hand up your uncle’s arse and performing heart surgery on your grandma at the dinner table.

Or back in the real world he’s listening to a cough and presumably will also give appropriate advice to keep track of when it started and visit their own gp if necessary.

luxxlisbon · 08/08/2022 19:43

@JaniieJones There is a line and listening to relatives chests is crossing it. What next, quick rectal exam for uncle who's been having problems passing urine? No. You listen and direct to the correct services be if pharmacy, urgent gp appointment or whatever.

Genuinely can’t work out if you’re taking the piss or not!!

TommySaid · 08/08/2022 19:44

Yes. There is a line and listening to relatives chests is crossing it.

What kind of mind must people have to think it’s weird that a relative listens to your chest.

Whats weirder is they have no issues with a stranger doing it.

LeroyJenkinssss · 08/08/2022 19:44

@nocoolnamesleft agh I’m an orthopod I don’t even listen to the lungs. That’s what the Med Reg is for

Springduckling · 08/08/2022 19:44

Certainly agree with the pp saying that its impossible to get a gp appt. My last one was a quick phone call (not an appointment) whilst I was waiting for a train.

Answered various personal questions and on the back of that was prescribed medication. Things have certainly changed, it is v difficult to get any kind of examination or personal service.

Butchyrestingface · 08/08/2022 19:45

I think on top normal issues, it's just a bit creepy. If you're a mother/ sister, why would you want to be examined by your son/ brother?

What's creepy about a relative staring into your nose/eyes/down your ears? I draw the line at limbering up for a cavity search at the hands of a family member but can't for the life of me see anything "creepy" about someone listening to my heart beat.

The strangest part of this whole scenario of course is the idea of a doctor coming on the internets to ask a bunch of non-medics about clinical boundaries.

It's true what they say - when you don't like your in-laws, you REALLY fucking hate them.