Expensive birthday activity for DS, how to stop uninvited "extra" kids coming?

[samsmummyhere]

Just that ready.
For DS's birthday next month he wants to go to a particular place that cost almost £30 per child for the activity and food afterwards.
I've told him he can invite 10 friends along, I seriously couldn't afford any more.
Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited. Like it's free childcare of something, or just because they can't leave them at home (understandable I suppose for single parents without help etc).
BUT I'm adamant I don't want this happening at my son's party... Why should I end up paying several more £30 for the sake of mums who do this?
Anyone being in similar situations? How do I word it politely but FIRMLY on the invitations that the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings or other add-ons?

Unfortunately due to restrictions on numbers we can’t cater for siblings but we are happy for you to just drop off your child and pick them up at the end if this makes things easier for you

Just don’t add them when you get there? Just smile and tell them what time to collect or point them in the direction of the nearest soft play or cafe

Don't pay for them then.

If they ask if they can bring siblings, or bring them, tell them they will need to pay for them to attend themselves. That's pretty standard for that kind of party. Offer that they can "drop and go" so they aren't forced to stick around.

Write on the invite: Drop off 10am, pick up 1pm.
Make it clear what the activity is and say parents don't need to stay, there isn't room.

"We have booked the event per person. Please let me know ASAP if your child can attend, and please feel free to drop/collect your child as there is no space in the booking for siblings"

How do they register at the event? Can you give a named list and tell the organiser that anyone else isn't paid for?

Can parents pay for their own child to do the activity? You could put that on the invite. Something like 'Invitees will be paid for. If you bring siblings, the cost will be £30 per child -payable upon entry.'

Or something like, 'Due to space this is a drop and go party. Please let me know about any allergies/medication.'

What is the activity?

When these parents bring siblings along, is it house parties/parks where no specific, per-child cost is attached? They don't just turn up to laser tag and expect the extra children to be paid for by the host?

I wouldn't put it on the invitation, just be firm on the day - 'sorry but siblings can't stay for this one.'

I’d do this. If they want to bring siblings along then fine, but they’re forewarned that they’ll have to pay for them. Then make sure you give the venue a list of the invited children and pay for them in advance, so any additions very obviously still need to be paid for.

I’d do @Sirzy message and also give the venue a list of attendees, making it clear that only those on the list are paid for.
If anyone says they have to bring siblings, I’d politely tell them that if that’s the case that their child can’t attend and are they sure they can’t just drop off and pick up.

Clearly put
Please drop at X activity centre at X time. Pick up at Y time.

Activity is booked for named children only so additional adults or siblings cannot be accommodated sorry.
You could add depending on the venue and the activity
For adults who wish to stay there is …. Coffee shop on site/viewing area etc OR there are no facilities for adults who want to stay or view activity and for H&S and insurance reasons there is no access to the ……..interior of the volcano/coal mine etc.

Be there are drop of point and have your list of invited children - hopefully that can be shared with the Activity admin /booking in staff.

If it's an activity that is open to the public, you can't really tell people that siblings are not allowed in the building

But you can and should make it clear that you are only offering to pay for the child that was invited

This is similar to how it's done in our invites. You need to be absolutely clear without any room for ambiguity here.

But that may risk putting parents in an awkward position of having to tell the invited child they can’t stay depending on the circumstances. Much better to give advanced warning.

I would say it depends on the age of the children. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wouldn't leave a young child by themselves and that means I would have to bring along siblings

I mean this is sent as a message along with the invite, not on the actual invite.

If you don't mind them attending so long as they pay then you could spell that out

Invites are for named children only. If you'd like to bring additional children then you will need to book their place by x date. The cost is £30 per child, contact xxx to book. Additional children without a booking will be turned away by the venue on the day as spaces are limited.

I think @Sirzy has the best message.
If it is common practice to turn up with siblings it would be unfair and cause bad feeling not to prewarn the parents.

Can I also suggest that you add a please reply by date on the invitations. I have read so many posts on here about non replies to invitations.

This is the best. Simple. Clear and no apologies or room for people to ask for siblings to attend.

Gets my goat that this happens so much. Luckily my kids are older now so we are passed this stuff!

Some good firm messages to choose from here.

I definitely wouldn’t put “sorry siblings can’t attend this time” - this implies you’re being unreasonable by excluding them - since when would they have been invited anyway?! Is this a new (very cheeky) thing? I wouldn’t have dreamt of assuming the party included another child. Invited child is the name on the invitation.

*past not passed. Autocorrect!

Drop and run welcome, unfortunately can't accommodate extras.

This is really a non problem. In all my years of paid birthdays anywhere that we pay per head we just pay for the number invited and that’s who is let in. If a venue starts letting siblings join in the activity then the onus is on them to get payment from the parent. Just make it clear to the venue which ten children are paid for.

Definitely put it on the invitation in big letters and be crystal clear in your wording. if you dance around it, it will only cause confusion.