Expensive birthday activity for DS, how to stop uninvited "extra" kids coming?

[samsmummyhere]

Just that ready.
For DS's birthday next month he wants to go to a particular place that cost almost £30 per child for the activity and food afterwards.
I've told him he can invite 10 friends along, I seriously couldn't afford any more.
Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited. Like it's free childcare of something, or just because they can't leave them at home (understandable I suppose for single parents without help etc).
BUT I'm adamant I don't want this happening at my son's party... Why should I end up paying several more £30 for the sake of mums who do this?
Anyone being in similar situations? How do I word it politely but FIRMLY on the invitations that the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings or other add-ons?

I must have been very lucky when DD was little. Most parties were at soft play, and parents used to bring siblings along but they paid for them and bought their food. Absolutely no-one assumed that the host would pay for siblings.

I would give the venue a list of the paid-for children and make it clear that parents need to pay for any additional children so that no siblings manage to sneak in instead of party guests.

You could make this clear on the invite by giving details of the nearest cafe for parents who want to stay and saying "Sorry, we can't include siblings in the party activity and meal due to limited places, but if they want to do X activity separately under your supervision, it's £30 per ticket and you should arrange directly with the venue on the day."

Aswell as clear invite give venue a list of guest names and make clear you are only paying for them - prepay?
10 seems generous at that price. Maybe cut numbers and then it’s more x is inviting a few close friends rather than a party - makes it less likely gatecrashers.

I think this really depends on the age of the children. It's not common practice to drop and run with younger kids (maybe 6 or 7 and under) here. That said, given the price I assume it is older kids.

Make it clear on the invitation that the party is booked for 10 children. If it's the case that siblings could be accommodated space-wise then parents can pay for them. If there is a venue restriction on numbers then I'd say that. My daughter's classmate's parents seem to have an expectation that siblings can come along to parties just because at one (the first one we had as a class worse luck) it was massive venue and a joint party between four kids so the parents said siblings were welcome. Yeah fine when you're only paying for a quarter of the party!

What is the party, @samsmummyhere ? I have done loads of kids parties over the years and no parents have ever attempted to get me to pay for siblings to join in!

I have usually done soft play parties where you give the venue to the list of invited kids. Parents often always choose to stay and bring another sibling, but they pay for them and they don’t go in the party room for food.

I can’t imagine anyone would expect you to pay £30 for their other child!

Happens every time with my daughter's class.

I really wouldn’t want extras even paid for themselves it detracts eg if son and his mates are doing x activity - laser tag, climbing etc and there’s a younger sibling butting into group and can’t keep up.
If sibling wants to do x take him another time.

Can't you just say 'please RSVP by X date as I need to book and pay for the places in advance'? That way, you will have a specific list of attendees l. If someone wanted to bring a sibling you'll know about it in advance and be able to have a conversation with them.

Can you word it less as "Don't bring extra kids" and more an emphasis on RSVPing for the invited child as there are limits?

If its something where you are paying for an entire session for private use eg paintballing when only their group will be using the arena then you can just say something like "Please RSVP by X date as the venue needs to know exact numbers beforehand to set up the equipment/have appropriate staffing for the party. If you don't RSVP by this date then we will have to assume you are not attending and a place will not be kept for Johnny as the venue cannot accommodate extra bodies above those who have RSVPed"

If its something where your child's party group will be sharing the space with regular customers who have paid the entrance fee eg at a trampoline park where your party will share the jump session with regular visitors I would say something like "We are more than happy for you to drop Johnny off and pick him up at the end of the party but as the party will be taking place during a public session you are welcome to stay. When you arrive please tell the employee that Johnny is part of Max's birthday group and they will direct you to the party area. If you are planning to stay and bring other children the venue website is www.PartyVenue.co.uk so you can check ticket prices/availability for the session.

Regardless of which is applicable I would also give the venue a guest list and a heads up that some CF parents may try to bring extra children but they are not part of your party group, should not be included in the party numbers and any child not on the guest list must be paid for by the adult who brought them. Most kids party venues will have seen some variation of the parent who brings the whole neighbourhood to a party one of their children is invited to and will politely do the gatekeeping for you.

@Sirzy message covers it.

The critical bit is to make it crystal clear to the venue that anyone other than those named on the invitation list will not be paid for, and are NOT your responsibility.

It's a long time since I was at a venue party, but even then names were ticked off as you entered.

A few hall parties might have had a few siblings invited as numbers didn't count but certainly turning up and stiffing the parents for additional children didn't happen.

You would have been the talk of the place for such rudeness!

Surely most such activities will only allow the number you booked for to participate?

In which case you should politely decline, not rock up with uninvited kids, that really is the height of bad manners.

Just put it exactly as you worded it in your post:

the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings

Except maybe not in caps.

I'd add 'please rsvp as soon as possible - the venue needs a list of names of attendees by x date and unfortunately after that date we can't add any more. '

I’m past this stage now but I recall that it could be difficult.
part of the issue is that parents who do bring a sibling (or more) don’t see the bigger picture - and give the impression that they feel the host parent is being inhospitable by not welcoming their one extra child. And if one or two parents bring extras, others start to do it.

But of course regardless of venue, it changes the dynamic and my house wasn’t big enough for potentially the 10 invitees plus nearly as many siblings.

when I had two, if eldest was invited and I didn’t have childcare for youngest, I’d try to look for a solution that worked. For example, ask host mum if drop and run was an option or pay separately for youngest if a big venue. I wouldn’t just turn up and assume, or say with the air of entitlement that I would bring her, as I had no other easy option.

I agree. Fine for siblings to do the activity if it's a public place and parent pays and supervises, but NOT as part of the party group.

I second this idea. We are actually doing this in a couple of weeks. One of my children has been invited to a party at a well known soft play area which my other two children love as well so we are just going to pay for them to attend the venue but not be part of the party if that makes sense? was at a similar party a few weeks ago and the venue had a list of all kids attending. I assume if the child's name wasn't on the list then they were unable to attend.

hall parties doesn’t really matter as much, it’s cheeky though. But for paid venues s number around here when booking have it in their booking terms that any extra guests will be added onto the final bill, some people have been left with bigger bills than expected by siblings being there, also at a party DC went to someone dropped off an extra sibling and then left,!!!

I've seen this put on invitations plenty of times. Something like "Numbers are strictly limited for venue/activity so unfortunately siblings cannot be accommodated."

Why would you do that though? I genuinely don't understand why you would not just allow your child to attend their friends birthday party without their siblings tagging along?

@grey12 you wouldn’t expect the party host to pay for your other children though? Surely not?

I think your over reacting. Nobody turns up to an event and expects the parent of the birthday child to pay for siblings to get in aswell 🤔I've never once attended a party with my children and other parents have waltzed up and expected free entry to a paid event for siblings

I have been to parties where parents have paid to get their children in and they have played alongside the party group and then just not gone to the actual party bit

As a PP above has said, all you need to say is somthing along the lines of the children invited have been booked in and paid for.

I'm really struggling to believe anyone has ever brought their extra child along and expected the parent hosting the party to pay for them

"Due to the cost per child we are not able to accommodate siblings."

@ErmIDontKnow

How can she be overreacting to something that hasn't happened yet?

Put it on invitation. I've done this as some CF parents would always turn up with a sibling even for obviously "pay per person" events (what really gobsmacked me was that both parents would come as well so it definitely wasn't as issue of a live parent not having anyone to mind the sibling! This was 3 separate families who did it too.)

I would say "RSVP by x date as only pre booked and prepaid children can attend. For this reason it will not be possible to accommodate siblings. Thank you for your understanding."

At one party (not one I was hosting) the parents turned up with their older daughter as usual and were miffed when the reception staff told them she was not on the list. They paid for her to go in and do the activity (fair enough) but then when the party kids were called through to the room for the party tea they all trooped in as well and let the poor older kid sit and watch the younger ones eating. I think they were hoping the host or venue would take pity on her. I was cringing!