Expensive birthday activity for DS, how to stop uninvited "extra" kids coming?

[samsmummyhere]

Just that ready.
For DS's birthday next month he wants to go to a particular place that cost almost £30 per child for the activity and food afterwards.
I've told him he can invite 10 friends along, I seriously couldn't afford any more.
Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited. Like it's free childcare of something, or just because they can't leave them at home (understandable I suppose for single parents without help etc).
BUT I'm adamant I don't want this happening at my son's party... Why should I end up paying several more £30 for the sake of mums who do this?
Anyone being in similar situations? How do I word it politely but FIRMLY on the invitations that the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings or other add-ons?

I wouldn't mention siblings or say that you won't pay for uninvited guests. Why would you pay for uninvited guests?

Collect the 10 children at the door, take them through, pay the venue for the 10 children. The parents can bring their siblings in to play in a separate way if they want. They can pay for them. Nobody will chase after you asking you to pay for their other children. How could they? But if they did look shocked at the question and say 'what?'.

It's often difficult to be 100% manning the entrance desk on the day though.
DCs may need directing as to where to put shoes, large presents need putting somewhere, even with two DPs there, there's no guarantee that one could be at the desk with a clip board.

If not then you're reliant on the reception staff to navigate the discussion and they're really not paid enough to do that if the DP is really cheeky.
Far easier to state it on the invite in advance, then everyone knows exactly where they stand.

There’s a family here who all turn up to every single party - both kids and both parents, and no matter what type of party it is! They pay for entry to things like soft play for the non invited child but then sit them down in the party room as though they’ve been invited, when normally the right number of places is laid out. We know they don’t ask as they’ve done this at parties we’ve held. I think they rely on a child not turning up. It’s really annoying.

We had an invitation earlier this year that said “unfortunately siblings cannot be accommodated”, which seems a good way of wording it.

Again, Why would sibling even be there, nevermind needing a cafe or waiting area

My children are in their 20s now and it was unheard of for siblings to attend any party . It just didn’t happen!
Drop off and run was how it worked

Don’t rely on the invitation. Text or call people individually in advance. “Hi Jane, this year for DS’ bday we’re doing go-cart racing, unfortunately it’s a bit pricey so we can only invite ten children. DS would love Jack to come, I just wanted to check with you whether he’ll be able to make it? We won’t be able to have siblings along, but hoping you could drop Jack off? It’s 2pm-4pm on 5 Sept. Let me know as soon as you can and we’ll get the details sorted! Thanks xx”

Do that for each person you invite and once you’re convinced they understand this is no siblings, then you send out invites that, again, say no siblings.

Give the venue the names of the children who are participating in the event.
From memory, and mine are older now, they usually ask for this.
I’ve known people take sibs to a hall party before, never to a paid for event, especially at that price and then expect you to pay. Seems very odd.

What kind of parties is it that all these extra children have been attending? Ones in hall/room booking (so one off cost is already paid), or a pay per person venue?

I work with people who openly admit to doing this. The last one who did it justified it by saying that there was enough food to go around and there’s always one kid that doesn’t turn up so she was sure that her two going into the soft play party wouldn’t cost the parents any extra (but she didn’t check, of course). The first time one of my colleagues boasted about this I expected the others to be horrified but they all just nodded and said they did it too as it was a great way to have a childfree afternoon!

Do people really have all their childs classmates parents numbers stored in their phone? weird.

“Numbers for the party are firmly fixed on invited children only, there is no capacity for siblings to be added on. Please send me your phone number if you’d like to drop and collect your child rather than wait. “

You shouldn’t have to do this, but……..

RSVP to xxxxxxxxx by xxxxxxxx
As we are not able to accommodate siblings, you are welcome to drop and dash.

You might want to change ‘we’ to ‘the activity’, and ‘drop and dash’ to ‘drop and depart/leave/go’.

Good luck with the cheeky fuckers!

Theres a soft play near me that does a lot of parties. They provide invites for people as well. On these invites it says to book an extra child onto the party either phone up or go on the website. It doesn’t stop siblings attending but it means the host doesn’t pay and there’s enough food for everyone.

I’ve seen it done at the soft play type party - even if parents pay for the sibling to go in play centre the sibling encroaches on party and goes in party room for food/games and lines up for party bag.
Or rent a room type party with an entertainer - again seen sibling going up for food/party bag. If it’s individual food boxes/just right number of bags it’s awkward as an invited guest misses out.
Even if they don’t brazenly go in they are loitering and party mum often feels on spot and says come and join in.
Birthday boy who has more friends but had to limit to 10 suddenly has an extra randomer there.

Has anyone ever actually experienced this?
A parent bringing a sibling to a £30 activity and expecting the birthday parent to pay?
Bringing them to home party yes, but never an expensive paid activity. This is in the price range of Go Ape or Go Karting. Never heard it happen - including on MN! I think you’re worrying about nothing. You don’t have to write anything - you just don’t pay! If it even happened.

Exactly - the cheeky fucker parents bank on the hosting parent feeling sorry for the extra child, or feeling uncomfortable at excluding them, or feeling put on the spot.

So you need to anticipate them and stop them even creating that situation. They only do it because they are banking on other people letting them.

I agree yes it gets fine at halls and soft play a but it's rarely actually possible to add extras in to this sort of party and certainly not with king the hosts express permission. These things need disclaimers/medical forms etc. it's usually fully booked. You can't just turn up with extra kids

Firstly your tone is really grating. Not all mums see it as free childcare! And it isn’t just single parents that have nobody they can leave siblings with! Some people actually work weekends!!

I have three children, DP regularly works Saturday and Sunday and we don’t have family help with childcare.

DP will try and juggle his hours if there’s a party but if I am stuck I will PM the party host and ask if it’s ok to bring along the younger siblings. I only do this if the party is either in a hall or their garden, I wouldn’t ask if it was a cost per head activity.

Just state Due to this party having strict limited numbers we are unable to accept any siblings.

And as a footnote I don’t know anyone who takes along uninvited siblings and drops them off and then parent doesn’t stay!! I’ve never seen anyone do that.

But your child is going to a party, why on earth would you need childcare for your other kids?

I have three children, DP regularly works Saturday and Sunday and we don’t have family help with childcare.

But why do you think the siblings need to join the party in this situation? I genuinely don't understand. You drop the party guest off and then go elsewhere, or back home.

Class whatsapp groups are pretty common. And if you're inviting 10 of your child's friends, chances are you'd have their parents' numbers from inviting them round, previous parties, etc.

Put on the invitation:

Due to the high cost of this party, we apologise that we cannot accommodate any extra children on this occasion.

It wasn't my party, we were just attending! However, no, they didn't hire the entire soft play; the guest list was just for their group (e.g. "we're here to attend 'name's' party", "OK, let me find your sons name on the list and check you in... the group is just over there"). It just prevented extra people trying to add children to the party group that weren't already paid for by the organising parents. Seems very sensible to me.

Assuming your eldest is school age plus why wouldn’t you just drop and collect?
Thats how parties have always worked.
A hall or private garden hasn’t room to accommodate 3 extra people per invited child and it totally alters dynamic for birthday child - eg if they are playing games and 2 little children are in way or don’t understand rules. Plus it’s awkward for birthday mum - she will end up making extra food and party bags. It also stops invited child developing independence if they have always have mum there.

I'm genuinely PMSL at @Berthatydfil with her "interior of coal mine/volcano" 😆

Sorry that I'm of absolutely no help to you @samsmummyhere but that really tickled me 😂