Expensive birthday activity for DS, how to stop uninvited "extra" kids coming?

[samsmummyhere]

Just that ready.
For DS's birthday next month he wants to go to a particular place that cost almost £30 per child for the activity and food afterwards.
I've told him he can invite 10 friends along, I seriously couldn't afford any more.
Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited. Like it's free childcare of something, or just because they can't leave them at home (understandable I suppose for single parents without help etc).
BUT I'm adamant I don't want this happening at my son's party... Why should I end up paying several more £30 for the sake of mums who do this?
Anyone being in similar situations? How do I word it politely but FIRMLY on the invitations that the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings or other add-ons?

That would be ok, as long as the child doesn’t join in with the party group. None of mine ever did laser quest, so I thought you had to be in teams or at least a pair.

I can see this on the stately homes threads in years to come about the toxic mother who wouldn't even let them go to their friends party without embarrassingly asking the host mum if their siblings can attend or even paying for their siblings to attend when they were not invited. Can the parents who do this really not see how bad it is for the birthday child and their own invited child?

Places like this tend to be sold in 20-30 minute slots. You can book a place in that slot or book the whole slot for a party. If one of my kids was invited to something like this, I’d book a general public slot for the siblings and then go to the cafe for the lunch for the rest of the party time.
I can’t think of many places near me where you can book the entire building and have it closed to the public for the entire duration of a kid’s party, but if this was the case, I’d have to find out if it was a drop and leave expectation and then decide whether it would be worth hauling all the kids in and out of the car repeatedly for an hour.

Siblings welcome to join in but will need to be paid for on the day. I think that's fine. Surely most parents have the wit to figure out they can't bring extra kids to an expensive activuty?

I don’t think it’s acceptable for siblings to join in with the party group, paid or not. A load of ten-year-olds who are friends from school etc won’t want a random seven-year-old who happens to be someone’s brother or sister.

Exactly this.

Just out of interest.

If you child is having a party with their classmates, do you not allow your own younger children to attend? So no siblings/ cousins of birthday child?

I took my 3 and 5 year old to soft play a couple of months ago.
There was a birthday party going on but we were there as members of the general public.
Only 5 guests turned up to the party which was catered for about 15.
My kids saw the birthday girls badges and went to say happy birthday and compliment her party dress. The girl asked them to join her party.
The parents were happy to fill some seats at the table and get rid of some cake and party bags.
I’m wondering now if many didn’t turn up because they didn’t want to leave their kid at soft play unsupervised or didn’t have anyone to look after the siblings and didn’t want to be “CF” and pay for the siblings to go in and risk social suicide.

Sibling of birthday child may or may not attend, depending. Mine sometimes did, sometimes didn’t. Or they may attend part of it -a birthday tea at home but not the birthday outing. A sibling is also a friend of the birthday child. Obviously, if there’s loads of siblings, that’s difficult. Cousins definitely not, unless they are actually friends with the birthday child and they want them to come.

For people not to reply and say they couldn’t come is so incredibly rude. They just didn’t turn up? That’s awful. That poor birthday child.

Unless it was pay on arrival, when I did soft play parties or similar with DS when he was younger, I'd actively chase any non responders so numbers were nailed down the week before.
Obviously there are things you can't predict or prevent like a DC being sick.

It was really sad. The little girl was so sweet and the parents so friendly, o could t work out why so many would not make it.

Yes, I do. But they're close in age. Occasionally older DS has been invited, and when I arrive to drop him off the parents have asked if DS2 wants to join in, and vice versa. And i've done the same,. But I never assume and never ask.

2 months ago could though be something as simple as a Covid outbreak - it was at a peak of a wave then

Last year two of DS good friends ended up moving parties (a inflatable bouncy castle in the garden) to the following weekend due to this

I’d hope a mix up over date/place or illness. It’s so rude not to turn up at a pay per person party.
For an older child at an expensive activity they should be able to do it just with their friends. Even paid for siblings alter dynamic. The siblings won’t do it alone they will naturally gravitate to their sibling and the party guests unless they are put in a different group.

Just be very clear about who you are inviting. If siblings want to come then parents will need to pay.

Our daughter is an August baby. We got fed up with £500 birthday parties and days out. We now tie our holiday into her birthdays. She picks where we go and thats what we do. We are going North France in the caravan this year for 14 days for £320 (Fully electric pitch, pool on site, beach front, sports, evening entertainment). Yes I understand with the Ferry/Euro tunnel and spending money it would cost more than the birthday party... But we would usually do a 14 day holiday and a birthday party. So we tie both together and she gets to pick where we go.

I did similar but offered siblings. Parents actually offered to pay for siblings. Tell them the cost of extra siblings and let them pay if interested

I really can't get my head around posters on here saying if siblings want to attend then the parents can pay. This is someones birthday party, they have chosen who they want to invite, why would they want random siblings attending? These uninvited siblings will get their friends birthday parties to attend, why should they be allowed to muscle in on someones special day when they were NOT INVITED?

Wow - I have always brought invited child to event and signed them in and if other child wants to play (like a trampoline Park) then I pay separately and buy food and drink separately. No way would I include siblings unless they were also invited! That's so rude!

I would clearly state on invite restricted numbers only.

Where do you imagine all the CF threads come from?
People like this.

Decent people wouldn't dream on muscling in on a party like this.

Generally the child of this age doesn't want their younger sibling there at the party they have been invited too, they want to enjoy their friendship group and that older aged dynamic.

I remember a couple of hall parties where my eldest son had several friends with a sibling of a similar age to his, and we were invited to bring them along for a separate little mini party.

That worked very well but that was because the siblings were all buddies too.

Foisting your other children on a party is appallingly ill mannered.

It would never have been entertained by any of the parents in any of my childrens classes.

One sure way to have yourself gossiped about!

I’ve voted YABU because you’re creating a problem you don’t have. Just put the invite to child x. If parent asks can they bring siblings, explain they would need to book/pay for that child themselves. If they don’t ask and turn up on the day that’s on them - it’s extremely rude to do that and maybe it will teach them to check in future.

if you need parents to stay, that’s different of course. In that case you write on the invite that the child needs to be accompanied by an adult, but unfortunately due to restrictions, no siblings will be allowed to attend.

Where do you live? I'm also 35 and no Mums stayed to any parties when I was a child which started right from about 4 (when I started school) regardless of whether they were in a house, pub function room, Burger King etc.

I was actually unusual because my Mum or Grandad used to stay to playgroup with me when I was 3 (two hours once a week I think) because I cried if she didn't, all the other children were left without parents or caregivers without much fuss.

Once school started I was fine to be left like all the other children. I knew the culture had changed completely now with parents supervising and hovering much longer but didn't know there were areas where this went on in the 90s. I am and was then in Cornwall.

If parent asks can they bring siblings, explain they would need to book/pay for that child themselves

Why should the birthday child have random siblings attending if they were not invited?

I don't think a lot of posters get that quite a few soft play centres want parents to stay.

All the drop and collect posters are talking about other types of parties. When DD was little she only went to two house parties (where I dropped and collected). The rest were at soft play centres, or church halls (where I did drop and collect)

fair enough, but the Op isn’t about a soft play centre. It’s about 10 x 10 year olds doing bc a structured activity