Expensive birthday activity for DS, how to stop uninvited "extra" kids coming?

[samsmummyhere]

Just that ready.
For DS's birthday next month he wants to go to a particular place that cost almost £30 per child for the activity and food afterwards.
I've told him he can invite 10 friends along, I seriously couldn't afford any more.
Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited. Like it's free childcare of something, or just because they can't leave them at home (understandable I suppose for single parents without help etc).
BUT I'm adamant I don't want this happening at my son's party... Why should I end up paying several more £30 for the sake of mums who do this?
Anyone being in similar situations? How do I word it politely but FIRMLY on the invitations that the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings or other add-ons?

I couldn't get too worked up about DPs staying and bringing other siblings provided they paid for their other DCs and didn't encourage them to hang around the birthday party or expect to eat the party food and go away with a party bag.

State on the invite any children uninvited (ie siblings) who wish to take part will have to be payed for by they're parent at a cost of £30.

Can you get family to help out?

Why would she do that, she doesn't want them there lol

The problem with most CF parents who would bring additional children (siblings to the invitee) to the party and expect them to be paid for, they also expect them to sit down with the party and eat the party food (which was bought to cater to a certain number) and I've seen them encourage their additional children to ask for or grab party bags for themselves to prevent meltdowns.

At the expense of children who were actually invited.

Really can't stand parents like this.

Which is why you need to make clear up front and be firm at the door.

This happened to a friend recently. The activity was pre booked was for 5 kids.
She had the 5 kids show up and 6 smaller siblings. There were more younger siblings than actual party attendees and the birthday boy was gutted. His birthday literally turned into a crèche.

It was chaos. I can’t believe people are so rude. If you have childcare issues then politely decline the invitation.
😭

If you need the mums there then they will probably need to bring siblings along too but there won't be an expectation that you pay for them or that they share in the party food. When mine were little I went to plenty of parties with younger DC in tow and paid an entry fee to amusement parks, farms etc for them along with other parents doing the same thing. Would never have dreamed that the host should stump up for it and I don't ever remember there ever being confusion or embarrassment around the issue. I was probably very straight and said "I'll have DD with me but obviously I'll pay for her."

Parents are so entitled these days to expect that siblings can attend a party. Over the years I've had the odd sibling stay to an all class party but only when my DD was very young but never when it was a smaller party/activity.
Not fair on the birthday child or the friend who doesn't want younger siblings hanging around whilst they are having fun with their friends.

Just to clarify - I'd only bring younger DD to a birthday outing where I was required to be there and no one else could look after her. Didn't bring her along to at home birthday parties.

We've only ever done parties at home and just put on invitations, 'invitation is for XX only - we don't have room for parents or siblings, sorry!'. If doing a pricey activity party, I'd write, 'please drop off at XX and collect at XX - parents/siblings are not invited, sorry!'.

I think that's best. Short and to the point

If it's a public soft play (or similar) that's not true though. Not up to party organiser to police who else happens to be in the building at the same time.
As long as you're not paying for entrance or food for those not invited, you can't stop DPs bringing their other DCs to the same venue - and indeed it makes a lot of sense as they are driving there anyway.

I feel really sorry for any 'invited' kid who's parents do this.

Really @ZeroFuchsGiven ?

I have an only so I have no skin in the game, but I doubt a bunch of excited 10 year olds playing with their mates, would even notice if their DM was hanging around the toddler area supervising a younger DC.

I'd have some invites printed saying

"Siblings are welcome, it's £30 per head to be paid via PayPal by xxxxx date to me so I can add the extra children to the booking"

Please note we will be unable to add extra children on after this date or on the day

Thanks for your understanding

I've done that myself at a farm park and people do understand

I still think that’s not on unless it’s really unavoidable eg venue miles away.
Its impossible to segregate siblings from party guests and chances are there will be awkwardness re food/party bag. It’s putting birthday mum on spot. Plus it stops invited child developing independence and is embarrassing if he’s always one with mum and siblings there.
It sounds like it’s more a go kart/climbing/high ropes activity at £30 a child though not soft play.

The problem arises though when those parents then expect their children to be allowed join in with the party group even through they are much younger or older; to be fed along with the party children and to be given a party bag at the end. Or even expect the hosting parent to look after their child while they disappear.

Yes,

I'm just thinking back to when my dd was 10, she would have been mortified if I had rocked up with her annoying 6 year old brother and paid entry for him. It honestly would not cross my mind to do such a thing.

A 2 year old in separate bit at a 10 year olds party is different.
Scenario I’ve seen is say a 6 yr old party and 4 year old sibling there - they try and play with party children otherwise they are there alone altering dynamic, go in room for food or loiter putting party mum on spot and line up for party bag. Can be awkward if granny is handing bags out and they run out as she’s given one to inadvertently to uninvited child.

My children are thankfully older now so none of this nonsense.
At the party table put out place cards with names. If siblings attend they are free to squeeze onto the chair beside their invited sibling and share their food.
Name the party bags too and hand them out to invited guests only. If you are feeling kind also hand out balloons on sticks or something and get a few extra for the CFs children.
CFs only get away with it because no one challenges them.

I don't see it as trying to police who attends a venue that's open to the public, but a clear statement of expectation i.e. that extras won't be joining in with the birthday activity regardless of whether or not they appear on-site. Another way round things would be to invite children to come to your home at X time and be collected from there at X having arranged transport to and from the venue. My DC have both been to parties on public transport and that's worked well.

It’s rude though and birthday mum is usually frazzled and polite so they get away with it.
My none British friend telling children to get out of line they weren’t invited no party bag for you is not norm. Lots of mums put on the spot would put cake in a napkin or give a balloon or something as it’s not child’s fault parent is a cf.

Definitely make sure the venue is absolutely clear you won't pay for any extras you don't approve in writing.

Because we've tended to do themed parties at home, party bags have always been labelled with the party children's names. We've also done personalised water bottles, aprons and various other things over the years so there really wouldn't have been scope for siblings to turn up and join in unnoticed.

I have to take my 4 year old and 1 year old son to any party my 5 year old is invited to. I always ask before hand and always pay their entry fee.

I would take a different approach, say the cost of the invited child is covered and the parent is welcome to drop off (no need to stay) however if a sibling does want to come there is a £30 charge.