Expensive birthday activity for DS, how to stop uninvited "extra" kids coming?

[samsmummyhere]

Just that ready.
For DS's birthday next month he wants to go to a particular place that cost almost £30 per child for the activity and food afterwards.
I've told him he can invite 10 friends along, I seriously couldn't afford any more.
Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited. Like it's free childcare of something, or just because they can't leave them at home (understandable I suppose for single parents without help etc).
BUT I'm adamant I don't want this happening at my son's party... Why should I end up paying several more £30 for the sake of mums who do this?
Anyone being in similar situations? How do I word it politely but FIRMLY on the invitations that the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings or other add-ons?

Their child would of attended the birthday party whilst the sibling carried on playing in the Omaha area or wherever they were.

Most places like this dont shut down the entire place for a birthday party. They have birthday parties and other not birthday party children playing and paying to enter too.

If the activity is on the invite or will be obvious. You can only enter the number you have booked for. It's different to say a hall party or soft play that's also open to the public where the siblings gate crash the food. Something like laser quest and trampoline park only the booked children get admitted. I've never known anyone try getting a sibling in. You'd just say sorry I only booked for X. Most places like that get you to have disclaimers signed for the individual children attending too so the need to be named

My youngest GC class parties have had this issue. Now on invites to more expensive places "siblings are welcome to attend at a cost of £ (whatever) which needs to be paid before the event" is written on the invitation.

Is it a public place - if so just dont pay? I have had softplay parties that parents have paid for siblings. DS had a trampoline party recently and DD took a friend trampolining at the same time (it was open) she is older (13) so then had lunch at the cafe with her friend. Another of his friends younger sister also stayed and was paid for (actually scratch that a child hadnt turned up so she got in that way)

Make it clear to the venue (who should know) and then leave the rest up to the parents. Anyway who expects you to pay is being cheeky. But neither can you stop parents paying for siblings (often if you travel somewhere for a 2 hour party it makes sense to stay(

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

It reads to me like OP is annoyed about it. It's an over reaction to be annoyed over somthing shes assuming is going to happen

I've never understood why people think it's ok to bring siblings along. Even if you are going to pay for them separately it totally changes the dynamic for their older sibling as now their younger siblings are also kicking around the venue and probably annoying them. People seem to think younger children shouldn't have to miss out, why? They will get their turn later. If you don't have childcare you ask the party host if it's ok to drop and go, or maybe make a deal with another parent, one of you can take the invited kids to the party while the other looks after the younger ones together?
People seem determined to turn a kid's birthday party into something to do that day for ALL their kids, it's rude.

I'd definitely state it on the invite and there have been some good wordings upthread.
Maybe in light of recent comments it's worth mentioning that party food and party bags are also based on invited attendees only. I mean you really shouldn't have to, but reasonable people won't take offence and cheeky ones will ignore and chance their luck anyway, but at least you'll be able to refer them to the invite wording.

Yes but I still don't understand why! A birthday party is a treat for kids, why not just let the invited child have that treat without dragging your other kids along, I honestly don't get it. My dc are all older now but never once have i dreamed of doing that, it seems really strange to me.

I personally wouldn’t do that. It’s x who has been invited to the party. Etiquette used to be drop x off pick him up - it allows him to enjoy party with his friends and a bit of independence.
If siblings are there even paid for it alters things. They naturally want to play with sibling and his friends so dynamic changes it’s ten 6 year old party guests and 2 annoying little siblings tagging on.
It’s awkward for birthday mum - does she tell them to go away when cake and singing is happening or let them join in.
My friend had siblings line up for party bags - she’s not British and said you weren’t invited no bag for you but it was awkward.

I couldn't agree more! Its so rude.

Include an RSVP in the invite? Maybe already have the kids name on it so it's clear that the parent can only RSVP for 1 kid. Then if a parent brings along an extra child you can say, 'oh I didn't realise LO was coming, it's only £30 per child you can pay over there'

Surely no parent expects you to pay an extra £30 for a sibling to attend?

Just for balance: I recently attended a soft play party with my son and was told by the mother of 'party child' that I was welcome to bring my baby with me too as they would be cost free. It's just occurred to me that I may have been seen as a CF by the other parents, as they may not have known that my other child was expressly invited!

However. You're not being unreasonable to want to avoid siblings turning up uninvited (cost or no cost - it can spoil the dynamic in any case).
In this case, I'd have a guest list that the venue can use when children turn up. If not on the list, no entry. This was what the soft play place I recently attended did and it seemed to work really well.

Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited.

I can't believe this is a thing now. This never used to happen when my kids had parties. We really are living in the Age of Entitlement.

But you've had some good suggestions on here.

You cant demand other parents magically shove their children up their arse if they have no where else to put them.

You also dont pay for uninvited kids.

So I see zero issue, if parents bring extra univited children its on them to pay (if its open to the public) and always has been. Why on earth would you think its your job to pay?

By banning this your only likely to disappoint your DS when non of his friends RSVP yes because their parents dont have childcare (since you already know this will happen).

I had this OP at my DDs recent party. It was £27 a head, we had invited the whole class plus children of close friends and family. Six children from her class arrived with siblings. When the venue came to check the children in somehow 4 of the 6 additional children were included in the party numbers and we ended up paying for them too. Whereas the other parents did what I expected them to do and say 1 for party and 1 for general admission. As whenever I've taken DD2 along I've always paid for her entry separately and made sure she stays away from the party room etc. It didn't occur to me that anyone would think siblings were included. So I would definitely make it clear on the invite.

Did you privately hire an entire soft play?

Thats crazy and seems spiteful, you cant 'ban' the public paying to enter a public place and every childs soft play party I have ever been too in the last 18 years had other kids there (complete strangers who paid to play) its never 'ruined' anything.

As others have said, i always acknowledge that people might not have childcare and help them with a solution - "really sorry, the numbers are strict and I've only booked 10 places. I know some of you have other kids to look after so totally fine to drop off and pick up later if needed" (or if it's somewhere where entry can be paid on the door, give that as an option)

Why would they need childcare?

Its quite a simple concept that has been happening for years, you take your invited child to the party, you can even take your other children with you to do this, then you say goodbye little jonny enjoy your party, ill be back to collect you at 5. You then take your uninvited children back home with you and return at 5. Where is childcare needed?

Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited.

In all my years of hosting parties I never once had this, nor was really aware of it happening at other kids' parties. Granted mine are 23 and 13 now, so maybe it's something that's crept into Primary age parties in the last 5 or 6 years, but I do find it really hard to believe that a parent would expect a host to accommodate and pay £30 for an uninvited sibling. It's so obviously out of order that it's so easy to just say no, isn't it? You don't need to put anything on the invitation. It's not normal to list people who are NOT invited on an invitation.

I had the one parent ask me if an older sibling could come. I also had people say they would be staying at a venue (e.g. bowling or soft play) with their other kids.

And aside from the financial CF'ery, I think it's important that the guests get to go to a party without their siblings there.

I'm fact the last place I booked I actually asked if they'd do a discount for any extra siblings coming along- which they agreed to - so that made it dead easy to say "if you're bringing any siblings along I'm afraid they're not included in the party numbers, but the venue have said that if you mention they're a sibling of someone attending X's party they'll give a 15% discount"

You cant demand other parents magically shove their children up their arse if they have no where else to put them.

Surely they put their invited children where they would normally put them.
How does one of your children being invited to a party turn into a parent then needing childcare for their other children?

As others have said, put something polite but clear on the invite

People are so bloody cheeky, I always text that I'm bringing other child if I have to but that I'll either pay (if play centre) and buy their own food sitting with me. Thankfully the parents I know also do the same but can see if it's a common thing to do this then people will take the piss

Surely they put their UNinvited children

Unfortunately you're wrong about people not doing that.

When DS1 was in Reception, he wanted a bowling party. On the day one of the parents turned up with younger sibling in tow. Asked if younger sibling could join in as he was sad to be missing out. I did say yes on that occasion as

1. I was put on the spot
2. My own DS2 was the same age and was playing

and 3. We'd had a child not turn up on the day so I did actually have a space that was paid for but unused.

This is the mum that came to my house to play a year or so later and her DS2 went home wearing one of our dress up outfits as she wouldn't make him remove it. She explained that he expected to be able to wear it home as that's what she and her other friends do. I never got it back (and the DC never wore that one so I didn't care enough to try).

Thankfully I've grown a pair now and these days would have no issue telling her no to the party and no to my property leaving my house and I'd tell the child myself if she wouldn't.

Our eldests start secondary in September and her cheekiness still rankles but as both our DC have gone through the school together, I've got the measure of her now.