Expensive birthday activity for DS, how to stop uninvited "extra" kids coming?

[samsmummyhere]

Just that ready.
For DS's birthday next month he wants to go to a particular place that cost almost £30 per child for the activity and food afterwards.
I've told him he can invite 10 friends along, I seriously couldn't afford any more.
Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited. Like it's free childcare of something, or just because they can't leave them at home (understandable I suppose for single parents without help etc).
BUT I'm adamant I don't want this happening at my son's party... Why should I end up paying several more £30 for the sake of mums who do this?
Anyone being in similar situations? How do I word it politely but FIRMLY on the invitations that the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings or other add-ons?

There's no way to write it on the invite. You'll probably find response is different to this expensive activity as opposed to a soft play type. Just stand at the door for all 10 kids to arrive

Can you buy the tickets before - maybe put each child's ticket in an envelope with a small gift (stickers or something) related to the birthday? Or give those invited a mock-up ticket to exchange for the real one on the day.
As other posters say make it clear the purchased tickets are only for the named friends. We weren't clear once and ended up looking after a toddler for the day, while trying to wrangle school aged kids.

As long as it's a drop and pick up party this is standard and easy to enforce. Obviously you just write please drop Name off at 10am at Address and pick him up at 2pm.

If anyone brings another child and tries to leave them then they a collosal cheeky fucker and nothing you say will be ruder anyway - you can just say "sorry, it's £30 per child so obviously invited children only".

Up to you and the activity whether you let them pay to add siblings but usually children want their actual friends at these smaller parties, not random younger siblings who need supervision and often become centre of attention because everyone has to be careful of/ look out for/ help them (or older siblings who also can take over and surely feel awkward!)

If you insist on parents staying to supervise as free party helpers in this context you are the unreasonable one, but hopefully that isn't the case.

There’s been a definite shift recently. Brown owl has mums that assume they can just come with daughter to activities. These aren’t girls with additional needs.
In past it was just the given you dropped them off at x and picked up at y.
Now it needs spelling out.

I’m intrigued as to the activity! £30 per child is a lot.

Thats really bizarre!

There’s no need for childcare at a party. The party mum is there to supervise and there will usually be staff/instructors if it’s a £30 a head activity.
If birthday mum needs additional adults to supervise for ratio reasons then she’ll ask.

This trend of full families turning up at children’s parties is definitely only something I have seen on MN. When I was a kid regardless whether it was in a house, Burger King or bowling (*other venues are available) my parents didn’t stay and neither did my siblings

At my parties (or any of my siblings or cousins) then the aunts and uncles were drafted in to ensure there were plenty of adults around for supervision but it was definitely a drop and go culture

I go to less kids parties now of course but have helped out at nieces/nephews and friends’ kids parties and it is exactly the same

OP use some of the wording here but if this is the way your circle tends to work then be sure they know beforehand so there are no dramas or CFs on the day

After my daughter's party at a soft play a few years ago, a party which we had paid for in advance and weren't expecting any extra costs, we were stopped before leaving to settle the remainder. An extra £30 to cover some children not originally paid for. I had noticed that there were some siblings there, that were also sat down at the party table and were eating the food with the parents stood there encouraging them to eat, but none of the CF parents had paid for the siblings to get in. The soft play did have a list of names so I was very annoyed they just let them swan in! I had no idea people did this, so bloody rude! Learnt my lesson. It really does happen.

I can foresee a situation there where the uninvited sibling could well kick-off when it comes to the tea and party bags and they realise they're excluded.

Why not just tell the sibling that this time it's not their turn and go and do something else?

while it might have been common for people to bring siblings I guess thats when they were younger so it might have been the whole class etc. As kids get older its common for the groups invited to get smaller/more specific and the events more expensive (per person) so this shouldn't be an unexpected change for most parents.

Just make it clear and polite like Sirzy's example

Hasn't every parent experienced this? We certainly have. The parent who pitches up with extra children at soft play, pays for them to get in and then buggers off to the cafe, leaving a pre-schooler who doesn't understand why he's not getting chicken nuggets and a party bag. Or the family who treat parties as a family outing, turning up to your house with the invited child, mum, dad and a couple of siblings and who hang around like wet lettuces.

It's really hard to address this on the day and confront an entitled CF to tell them to take little Johnny home as he is NOT INVITED. Loads of people on MN will post that they would say X or do Y where in the real world they really wouldn't as they'd be desperate to avoid confrontation and embarrassment as most of us would.

So yes, you need to make this crystal clear on the invitation, or a wee text such as "capacity is extremely limited and only Sarah can be accommodated" or similar. Most parents will think "What the fuck, I wasn't intending taking Mandy and Susie too" but it should cut the cheeky fuckers off at the pass.

'James is invited to x's birthday event at blah de blah place at whatever pm. Please let us know by Saturday the 12th of whenever if he will be attending as we are buying the tickets on Sunday the 13th for all confirmed attendees.'

This is definitely a thing and no, you’re not overreacting OP. The only way is to be ultra clear before the event but I guarantee you will get some who will still try it. Like another PP said you may get some drop outs on the day in which case it may all work out. I’m not sure I will do another big party again for this reason.

This is a limited, pre-paid activity, if (named attendee) can't make it then please let us know so we can fill the space.
It's a drop and go event, but if you do want to stay then please note that you need to buy siblings a ticket, contact at www.blah blah blah. Com

I'd definitely warn in advance. Warm and inviting on the invite bit and polite but blunt on the 'smallprint'.

Please RSVP asap as venue needs exact bookings for number of kids.

Don't need to mention siblings, the message is clear in you booking for an exact number.

I don't understand the logic that people can't leave a child at a party and therefore need to bring siblings. You leave your child at school from age 4 without needing to stay and supervise. When mine were smaller I would ask a couple of good friends to stay so we had a decent adult to child ratio, but otherwise parents just dropped off from reception onwards. If your child doesn't want to be at a party without you then they're not ready for parties. Nobody ever tried to include uninvited siblings and I would find that extremely rude and grabbing behaviour. Have thing changed so much in the ten years since mine were little? Why are we making children believe they can't do things on their own any more?

Who are these people who would do this ,?
I once had to take my oldest son to a party my youngest son had been invited ,but only because my dh was working and ds1 was about 9 and I couldn't drop ds2 off as he has severe autism and learning disabilities and it was a party in a hall ,but i checked with the mother first and made it clear I didn't expect ds1 to join in any party activities, its just so rude.

You leave your child at school from age 4 without needing to stay and supervise.

This is entirely different.

You have to be really clear that siblings aren't invited and won't be paid for or included with the party. Too many CFers out there unfortunately. Note a previous poster who ended up having to pay £27 per head for 4 extra children (siblings) who parents cheekily brought in. I would never be able to view people kindly after such CFery; they knew exactly what they were doing.

Utter rubbish. It’s only CF’s who assume that siblings should be included in someone else’s birthday party.

Years ago, parents would drop off birthday party child and then RETURN HOME with the younger siblings. Just like you do when you take the older child to school.

Too many parents have taken the notion of ‘fairness’ too far and don’t seem to care about how it impacts negatively on their older child.

But why not just mention siblings, to avoid any misunderstandings at all on the day ?
No reasonable person could take offence as no reasonable person would expect siblings to be paid for.

See, I don't think so. I reckon loads of mums will text back 3 kids, please.

From experience, people don't really read instructions, so I absolutely would say:

"Sorry, no siblings"

"Please RSVP by DATE as we need to confirm numbers with the venue"

Keep it simple and to the point.

From experience I'd cut the 'due to restrictions on numbers' because some git will find out from the venue how many kids are allowed and find a loophole to get their kid in. Or they'll offer to pay but you're stuck supervising a sibling who has no friends at the activity.

Remember: you don't owe them an explanation, you're inviting their child to a nice thing! 'Unfortunately we can't cater for siblings, but you're welcome to drop off and pick them up at the end of the party' is more than enough. Don't give CFs an excuse to try to poke holes in.

What is the party? Generally you give them a list of the children and they tick them off on arrival. If their name isn’t on the list you won’t pay for them. It’s trickier if the party is at home or in a hall but for activities it’s usually straight forward. Is there a cafe/ waiting area for parents/ siblings?