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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH not to leave DS in the car while he pays for petrol?

306 replies

myhouseisafairycastle · 07/08/2022 17:35

DH insists on leaving our 4.5 yo DS in the car when he goes into the petrol station to pay. I have asked him time and again to take DS with him but he still does it. What makes it worse is that the car alarm is sensitive so he leaves the car unlocked otherwise the alarm goes off. DS also knows how to let himself sleep out of his car seat and the car. For context, we live in a remote rural area so pay at pump doesn’t exist here. He did it again yesterday and I’m fuming.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 07/08/2022 17:37

I left mine in the car with it locked at that age, but they didn’t try to get out.
Cant you turn the sensor off ? I can in mine.

DenholmElliot1 · 07/08/2022 17:37

I used to leave my kids in the car while i paid for petrol but I could see them at all times. I had twins though, and couldn't physically carry two babies plus pay at the till.

TheSmallAssassin · 07/08/2022 17:37

I can't get worked up about this, it's what I've always done too, the likelihood of anything untoward happening has always seemed tiny to me.

Mumofsend · 07/08/2022 17:38

It's far more dangerous to have a 4.5 year old out on a petrol forecourt than safely in their seat.

HSKAT · 07/08/2022 17:38

It's fine.
But I'd make sure he's locking the car

redskyatnight · 07/08/2022 17:38

Why fuming? The chance of his getting hurt while being taken across the petrol station forecourt, is probably greater than that of anything happening to him when in the car.

Ontomatopea · 07/08/2022 17:39

So dangerous. What if someone nicks the car or there's a spark and a fire. Or kid gets out and gets hit by a car. Petrol stations aren't a safe place for kids.

Mumofsend · 07/08/2022 17:39

And just because he knows how, doesn't mean he will.

hangrylady · 07/08/2022 17:39

Good God. YABU.

PinkyFlamingo · 07/08/2022 17:39

I have never took any of my sons into a petrol station and they are all older now. What's the point?

Weekendawaynightmare · 07/08/2022 17:40

Couldn't get worked up about this. I assume the till isn't miles from the forecourt and he can likely see the car at all times.

Tell him to turn the sensor off and lock it.

The only time I'd agree is if there happened to be a huge queue for some reason and it was likely to take a while to pay.

Nugg · 07/08/2022 17:40

He's 4.5 old enough to be told not to get out - or buy a gadget that stops him, and to be able to have it explained what's happening and why he needs to sit still for what 2 mins?

Anothernosebleed · 07/08/2022 17:40

Safest place for a child to be on a petrol forecourt is in the car.

Mumofsend · 07/08/2022 17:40

Ontomatopea · 07/08/2022 17:39

So dangerous. What if someone nicks the car or there's a spark and a fire. Or kid gets out and gets hit by a car. Petrol stations aren't a safe place for kids.

A child being taken out every single time is more at risk of being hit by a car than the off-chance he gets out. If the petrol station goes BOOM, in or out the car doesn't make any difference. On balance they are safer IN the car.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 07/08/2022 17:40

YABU, why can't he leave DS in the car? That is the usual thing to do, but car should be locked

FarmerRefuted · 07/08/2022 17:40

Most petrol stations prefer you to leave DC in the car, our local one has signs up saying no children on the forecourt, if you want to get your DC out you have to pull forwards to a parking bay so that they're going straight along the path at the front of the store rather than across the forecourt.

Personally I don't see the issue with leaving children in the car at the petrol station, its safer for them than crossing the forecourt and with the way forecourt shops are designed with glass frontage it's not like the car is out of sight.

Ontomatopea · 07/08/2022 17:41

Mumofsend · 07/08/2022 17:40

A child being taken out every single time is more at risk of being hit by a car than the off-chance he gets out. If the petrol station goes BOOM, in or out the car doesn't make any difference. On balance they are safer IN the car.

Show quote history

Oh right OK didn't know that. Maybe best to find somewhere he can pay at pump then its not an issue.

Ontomatopea · 07/08/2022 17:42

Ontomatopea · 07/08/2022 17:41

Oh right OK didn't know that. Maybe best to find somewhere he can pay at pump then its not an issue.

Show quote history

I know you say it's remote but is there no where that does it at all?

Arnaquer · 07/08/2022 17:42

Really? People actually take their children out of the car to pay for petrol? How did my two ever make it to 18 unscathed?

Muststopeating · 07/08/2022 17:44

Mumofsend · 07/08/2022 17:38

It's far more dangerous to have a 4.5 year old out on a petrol forecourt than safely in their seat.

This. I have 3 under 5.... soooo much more dangerous for me to drag them all out the car. Also, in the exceptionally unlikely event that someone wanted to kidnap one of my kids it is far more difficult and obvious for them to break into a locked car than steal one of them whilst I'm trying to wrangle the others in and out of car seats.

But I do lock it and if the alarm goes off then so be it, I can deactivate it from the window. And 2 of mine know how to get out of their car seats and belts and open the doors (if unlocked) but wouldn't dream of it.

If your DS has/does escape then none of the above applies and he has to stop.

bellac11 · 07/08/2022 17:44

I think even if everyone agreed with you OP, he is also his parent, he has equal say in how he parents his child just as you do when you parent him. So different things might happen at different times.

Thats not ideal of course when it comes to rules and boundaries as such but I think you can do these 2 things differently without it impacting too much on your parental authority between you

The biggest issue is him trying to slip out the seat, both of you need to be enforcing that, and in fact removing him from the car each time isnt really teaching him that, its just avoiding the issue.

FarmerRefuted · 07/08/2022 17:45

Petrol stations are highly unlikely to go boom, the stupidity of many members of the general public is accounted for in their design and there are lots of safety measures in place as well as staff trained in what to do in an emergency (and there are mechanisms in the shop that can isolate the pumps in a fire).

There was an episode of Mythbusters years ago where they tried to blow up a petrol station and it was incredibly difficult to do it without disabling nearly all of the failsafe measures.

Snowraingain · 07/08/2022 17:45

He’s safer in the car than navigating the walk to pay.
I left all 4 of mine in the car while I paid and I’ve still got all 4 now.

5foot5 · 07/08/2022 17:45

What is it you are worried about? Someone abducting your DS from the car or your DS getting out of the far and running across the forecourt?

If the former that is a very unlikely scenario. If the latter then at 4 to 5 years old surely he is old enough to understand "No. Stay in the car"

It never occurred to me to take DD in the petrol station kiosk when she was small.

converseandjeans · 07/08/2022 17:46

I used to do the same. I think it's unlikely anyone will try to abduct him in the 3 mins it takes to pay for petrol.