Who is in this wrong in this situation re diary

[Theresnolimit505]

At my parents' house with a boyfriend of a few months and in my old room. We come across my old diary in which I wrote a ton of hideously cringy things as you do when you're a teenager. Very personal stuff too.
He wanted to read it but I said I'd prefer him not to. He was insisting he read it and wrestling it off me.
In the end he gave up and went to the toilet. Whilst he was out, I ripped out the two most embarrassing pages in my eyes.
He came back and said can I read it now? So I said ok then..he opened it and noticed the 2 ripped out pages and went mad.
Saying, "If you lie about this, it makes me wonder what else you lie about?"
Who was in the wrong here? Surely I have a right to privacy

He wrestled your diary off you. That's physical violence. He insisted on knowing your personal thoughts, that is very controlling behaviour by him. 2 red flags. Look up the Women's Aid website to see controlling behaviour, to gain perspective. He has groomed you into doubting yourself. Run, run as fast as you can away from this abusive man.

His was meant to the people thinking its harmless, not OP. Regardless of what's in your diary OP, it's yours and he shouldn't be so controlling. Genuinely consider if you are ready for a relationship if you are doubting yourself and had to rip pages out before being coerced into it and I say that kindly.

No matter what was in it he had no right to demand to read it. And even less right to fight you for it. Ditch him.

I’ve always thought of wanting that kind of stuff private as more of a man thing, like they would get embarrassed by their feelings lol.
God people don’t still subscribe to this “boys should cry” bullshit to they?

Equally if someone won’t take no for an answer then what else won’t they acknowledge when someone says no to them.

No, your diary is private. It is ok for him to ask to read it, but if you say no that means no and he should have respected that. The fact that he didn’t and kept pushing your boundaries to the extent you felt you needed to rip pages out in order to let him read it is problematic. All you should have needed to say was no.

Tbh being with someone who even had a diary would be flag enough for me.

Does anyone ever want to actually be in a relationship with you though? I doubt it. Probably why you have nothing better to do than whatever this is.

@ulteriorbread "Firstly that they're immature enough to even keep a diary (let's fact it, it's a certain type of person who uses them) and secondly that they're so funny about what's in there"

Please tell me you don't work in child services or mental health.

Based on personal experience this behaviour is a huge red flag. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries. Hes shown his true colours. Think long and hard about continuing this relationship.

Heavens, I can think of many things I wouldn’t want anyone else to see in my teenage diaries! Nothing criminal or disgusting. Not shameful in any way, just embarrassing, and all deeply personal. Part of being a teenager.

His reaction, though, is horrible. OP, please get away from this aggressive, controlling man now that he’s shown you what he is.

I found my old diaries in the loft and I nearly died of embarrassment reading them back. Part cringeworthy and part shame of the levels of anger that I wrote about people when I was annoyed with them, like my parents and sister - none of which I feel in reality! Just heat of the moment, horrible stuff I wrote when I was in a total teenage strop with them. I BURNT them all. I'd have hated for anything to happen to me and then to have them read. Awful. He's a dick.

Anyone who demands that I trust them instead of earning it, immediately loses my trust.

Excellent point.

You didn't lie. And you need to bin this man.

Fuck a duck, dump him.

I have things around the house that are extremely personal. I have my old counselling journals with awful things written in them, under no circumstances would it cross DH's mind to even open them.

Respect is a right, not a privilege. If he cannot respect an old diary, he cannot respect you. Get rid of this nasty twat and find someone who deserves you.

@ulteriorbread I used my teenage diary to write about how low and alone I felt at the time. I wouldn't want my husband to read some of the things that I wrote.

A diary is designed to be a safe and private space for the person who uses it. The OP doesn't have to justify not wanting to share the contents with anyone, never mind someone she's only known a few months. If the boyfriend was demanding to see any other private documents ie her bank statements I'm sure you wouldn't have described her as being "defensive and secretive" if she'd declined.

My partner now husband of 40 years doesn't demand, nor would he get sight of the contents of my phone, never mind a bloody diary!

You ask permission to read someones diary. No one has a right to read it.

He sounds either very immature with the emotional intelligence of a 5 year old or a narcissistic bully

Wtf? He sounds awful 😞

Same.

he was totally out of order and I’d be incredibly angry with him.

Dump him, you are in for a life of misery if you don’t. He sounds like a nightmare in the making and you should run now 🏃🏻‍♀️

Rubbish. The stuff you write when you’re young can be totally cringy when you’re older, nothing sinister or dodgy about it. He’s wrong.

Strange.